“You know the easiest way to burn the most calories, right, girls?”

My best friend’s mom, whom we called Mary Therese, leaned against the doorframe and didn’t wait for an answer.

My 9-year-old eyes shot up from the Monopoly game board.

“You can burn up to 1500,” she continued.

“Really?” I inquired, the whole idea going mostly over my head, but nevertheless, I was intrigued.

“You should tell your mother,” Mary Therese nudged.

My mother did what other mothers did ― went to Weight Watchers. And she didn’t talk about sex.

Regina grabbed my hand, her eyes wide with horror.

“Let’s … go swimming.”

Mary Therese was born in 1940 and died in 2022. I just found her funeral card tucked in the back of my underwear drawer.

If Regina was embarrassed about her mom, she didn’t need to be. I thought Mary Therese walked on water, even though she sometimes didn’t get out of bed during the day, and one time she went to the hospital because she’d gotten too sad.

That afternoon at the Monopoly board was in 1978. There was an awesome rhythm to our lives then. It was the middle of a summer filled with Marco Polo, bike rides to Circle K, playing Spit, and trying out the newest gadget on the block ― the microwave. Regina and I took turns spending the night at each other’s houses, oblivious to the idea that accidents could happen and that days that were entirely predictable could, in an afternoon, explode into shards.

One Saturday, Regina’s dad left to give a flying lesson in his small plane, and he didn’t come back. They crashed into North Mountain, just down the street from our neighborhood.

How could that be? I wondered. We were just playing. We were just feeding peanut butter to Regina’s dog, Rags.

Mary Therese — suddenly a widow at 38 and a little shaky as it was — was left to raise four children under 14 on her own. She decided to move the family to Ohio, and I was devastated as I watched Regina’s bed and dresser and bathing suits and board games being loaded into a moving van.

My childhood was over in an instant. For a year, Regina and I wrote a million letters back and forth.

Then we didn’t. Years passed.

Two decades later, I was living in Uzbekistan, teaching English and fixing my heart, which had been broken by a divorce. My two-year stint there was almost over and my future was cloudier than when I’d arrived. I had nothing to go home to. I’d burned bridges.

One night after dinner, I saw a bright green line flash across my computer screen.

Ker! It’s me, Regina! Where are you? I moved back to Phoenix. Mary Therese is here too. I’m married and I have a baby. I need a friend!

Memories blew in like a monsoon. I saw two little girls rollerskating in matching red, white and blue swimsuits in the Mormon church parking lot. I saw them humming songs underwater, attempting “Name That Tune” until they ran out of breath and had to race to the pool’s surface. I saw them playing softball under bright lights ― me as the catcher and Reg on second, hoping to get somebody out on the steal. I don’t think we ever did.

The heart of 9-year-old me tugged in my chest.

Regina was looking for me.

I started to count the days until we’d be reunited.

Three months later, I was sweating on the doorstep of the address Regina had sent me.

Do I ring the bell? Will I recognize her? How old is Mary Therese?

A dog barked. Then another dog. I heard a small child. Fumbling. Female voices. Bee Gees on the TV.

Regina swung open the door.

“Ker!” she exclaimed with a plump little toddler balanced neatly on her hip.

We giggled, looking around, when in sailed Mary Therese, white haired and lovely looking.

“Little Keri Dresser. Now let me get a look at you,” she said.

Wine glasses appeared, and within two minutes, 20 years vanished as we plotted out the next 20 ― which Regina and Mary Therese determined would include a great man for me.

“Time to start burning calories,” Regina winked. We all laughed.

I blushed under their attentive eyes.

Regina insisted on helping me with reentry into American culture. She patiently drove us around and listened to my complaints about there being too many SUVs and too much to choose from on the store shelves. We celebrated her new pregnancy.

When my savings ran out, I found a job teaching at a small charter school in the desert. I fell in love with the first and second graders. After just two years there, they made me the principal. I was totally overwhelmed.

I discussed it over wine with Mary Therese and Regina one evening.

“It sounds like you need a good secretary,” Mary Therese said, smiling mischievously. “I’ll do it.”

“Really?” I gulped. Was she up to it? Little charter schools come with their own breed of large problems. Still, I loved Mary Therese, and the thought of her working alongside me was exciting.

When her mom left, Regina sat across from me, face ashen.

“Are you sure about this, Ker?”

I bit my thumbnail. “To be honest, I could use the support.” I shrugged my shoulders. “I wonder if it’s meant to be.”

Ever practical, Regina rolled her eyes.

A month before school started, Mary Therese showed up sporting beautifully done hair and gorgeous pink lipstick. She arrived early, stayed late, whipped the upside-down filing system into shape and color-coded our crumbling trailer. Mary Therese also tackled forms, answered phone calls, learned state mandates, and comforted worried parents. And that was just the first day.

I didn’t realize I’d been handed a pro.

She made me feel like I might just be able to do this job.

I called Regina because I couldn’t hold it in. Before I could say a word, she blurted out, “Oh, God, did she not show up?”

“Shit. Was she dressed?”

“Looked like a million.”

“She’s amazing!” I told Regina. “She’s having so much fun. Meeting all the families — and then the president of the board walked in — you know, Carolyn —”

“Carolyn deDragonlady?”

There was silence on the other end.

“Your mother’s a miracle, Reg.”

What does someone say when the person who broke once — who crumbled to dust when you were 9 years old and has spent a lifetime trying to pick up the pieces for you — becomes the strongest one in the room at age 70?

“Phew,” is what Regina said, and then went on to proudly tell me about her mom’s employment at University of Ohio’s medical clinic, one of the leading research and practice institutions during the ’80s. Once Mary Therese had gotten her bearings after Hank’s death, she’d simultaneously served as the clinic’s office manager, director’s secretary, human relations go-to, and staff social worker.

I hung up the phone and lifted my eyes to the water stains and blinking lights in the cracked ceiling above me. All I saw was grace. Mary Therese had given me this huge gift and asked for nothing in return.

The rest of the year unfolded in amazing ways. Enrollment grew. The kids were loved by the best school secretary/nurse in the world.

A couple of years later, Mary Therese and I both left school administration. She went traveling. I got married to a man she and Regina manifested.

I don’t pretend to know what the afterlife may hold. All I can say is this: If there is any sense in creation, Mary Therese is decluttering heaven while holding hands tightly with Regina’s dad — never having to let go again. And she’s holding the rest of us steady — with love. And perfect hair and pink lipstick.

Kerith Mickelson is a freelance writer and high school English teacher. When she’s not playing darts and cooking with her three kids and husband, she leads yoga and tai chi classes. On weekends, she coordinates skateboard events for foster kids. She writes about memory, motherhood, illness, and faith, sometimes rooted in Catholic ideas, sometimes Buddhist, sometimes drawing on images of everyday beauty in family and the fragility that comes with loving deeply. Her writing is featured in Notre Dame Magazine and Her View From Home. Her work also earned honorable mention in the 2024 Writer’s Digest Writing Contest in the spiritual writing category. Connect with her on her website.

Do you have a compelling personal story you’d like to see published on HuffPost? Find out what we’re looking for here and send us a pitch at pitch@huffpost.com.

Therapy is often framed as a solution to difficult emotions and experiences. It’s a place to talk, process and start to feel better. But simply booking an appointment and showing up doesn’t automatically mean the work is happening in the most effective way.

“Deciding to start therapy is often a thoughtful, deliberate choice,” Dr Sue Varma, a psychiatrist and author of Practical Optimism, told HuffPost. “For many people, it is something they have put off for a long time or struggled to access.”

But even the most well-intentioned therapy-goers can fall into habits that undermine their progress.

“It takes time for a person to learn how to best use the therapy space,” said therapist Nina Tomkiewicz. “Especially if you’ve never been to see a therapist before, you shouldn’t expect to know exactly what to do or how to be or what to share. It’s OK to make mistakes and figure things out. We need to give ourselves the grace to practice figuring out how to be satisfied with our therapy sessions.”

While that learning curve is normal, therapists say there are some pitfalls that can slow growth or keep people stuck longer than necessary. HuffPost asked mental health professionals to share the mistakes people make in therapy – and what to do instead to make the experience more productive and meaningful.

Jill Lamar, a licensed professional counsellor with Thriveworks, said that many clients undermine their treatment by engaging in distracting behaviour, particularly during teletherapy sessions on Zoom or other platforms.

“This may be as subtle as surreptitiously looking at their phones, texting, viewing work e-mails, playing games,” she said.

“They tend not to take these ‘at-home’ sessions as seriously and will ask permission to engage in activities like doing laundry, or allowing other family members, often their children, to enter the room. These break the flow of the session and keep clients from fully engaging, emotionally and mentally.”

For remote sessions, Lamar recommends treating the experience as if you are sitting in your therapist’s office.

“Eating lunch or a snack is usually allowable – although ask first – but the aforementioned behaviour is a deterrent to a reasonably productive therapy session,” she said. “Therapy should be, ultimately, therapeutic.”

“A common mistake is quitting therapy too early, often after a single session or one disappointing experience, and then swearing it off entirely for years,” Varma said. “I see this all the time.”

Such behaviour often stems from unrealistic expectations about how quickly the therapeutic process moves. But meaningful shifts don’t happen overnight.

“Being intentional and implementing change takes time and practice,” said Tori-Lyn Mills, a licensed professional counsellor with Thriveworks.

“The misconception is the belief that ‘I should be better by now.’ This expectation can actually hinder progress, because the idea that things should change simply because we want them to, can trigger self-pressure and self-judgment.”

Caitlyn Oscarson, a licensed marriage and family therapist, pointed to one common but unhelpful behaviour in therapy sessions: the tendency to try to say the “right” things instead of sharing actual thoughts and emotions.

“You might shy away from expressing your true feelings, downplay how much you are hurt and explain away others’ behaviour, trying to present in the most reasonable, self-aware version of yourself,” Oscarson said.

She recommended paying attention to times when you’re editing yourself or feeling conscious about how your therapist is perceiving you.

“Say how you feel and pause before qualifying or justifying,” Oscarson said. “Trust your therapist to ask the right questions to understand your feelings. Therapy is a place where you don’t always have to be reasonable.”

“The most common mistake is viewing therapy as a quick fix for uncomfortable feelings,” said psychotherapist Omar Torres. “Many people don’t realise that therapy is a non-linear process that requires grace and patience. It isn’t about making discomfort ‘go away’ – it’s about learning to navigate those feelings masterfully, sitting with discomfort and building resilience.”

He advised viewing therapy as a “journey of self-discovery,” rather than a silver bullet. There’s no easy fix that will magically improve your mental state and change your life.

“A mistake is thinking there’s a one-size-fits-all solution, or a one-step solution to a lifetime of pain,” echoed Tomkiewicz. “We are all guilty of this at some time in our lives. We think, ’If only I could find the right routine, partner, gym, job, then I would feel better. If only I could use the right strategy, the right meditation, journal prompt, psychological tool, then I would know exactly how to make myself feel better.”

It’s not about some singular dramatic breakthrough or accomplishment, but the small moments that add up over time.

“Working on ourselves is a journey, one that I don’t think will ever end,” Tomkiewicz said. “We are constantly evolving throughout our lives. We create our days, every day, so our opportunities for change and growth are infinite.”

“It is totally natural to push away from the difficult topics,” Oscarson said. “In our culture, we don’t often talk openly about complicated things like sex, money, substance abuse, and it can feel unnatural to talk about these things in therapy.”

Your therapist is very accustomed to talking about all manner of difficult topics and understands how uncomfortable it can feel for people.

“Write down the thing you want to bring up before the session to hold yourself accountable,” Oscarson advised. “Name your discomfort – ‘this is so awkward for me to bring up’ – and ask your therapist to help pace the conversation. If specifics feel like too much, start with just bringing up the general topic.”

Tomkiewicz noted that many people become hyper-focused on wanting the external circumstances of their lives to change before they try to feel better.

“Sometimes people will come in and point to everything wrong in their life, and say, ‘If only these things were different, then I could feel better,’” she said. “The point of therapy, of working on ourselves, is to feel differently in spite of things being the way they are.”

Waiting for circumstances to change is not a good strategy for improving our mindsets.

“Not only might we be waiting forever, but we also abdicate a sense of responsibility for how we show up in our lives,” Tomkiewicz said. “We are essentially saying, ‘This bad thing is here which I don’t like, so I am going to be upset about it, and since I have a good reason for being upset, I am not going to change.’ People need to be open to wondering, ‘What is this life experience challenging me to become?’”

She urged people to consider how they might find the best version of themselves in response to specific situations, rather than reacting in ways that make them feel more overwhelmed or upset. Ultimately, true progress comes from within – it’s internal work that requires active practice and accountability.

A therapist cannot change external things in your life, but through therapy, you can learn to explore your relationship with those things and find a new perspective, which also could, in time, lead to new choices that lead to changing life circumstances.

Tomkiewicz advised against “using your therapy session as a way to vent, complain and stay stuck”.

“It feels really good to get validation, really good. And therapists are trained to hear you, understand you and honestly validate your experience without judgment,” she said, adding that every perspective is valid and has truth in it.

But the problem with this approach is that it creates a cycle in which you vent about something just enough to feel some relief, but then you haven’t done anything to make a change. Retelling a story about your mean neighbour or complaining about your spouse’s lack of help with household chores will not provide full or lasting relief.

“While venting is a form of release in therapy, it is just part of the process,” Mills said. “The narrative often reveals the work that needs to be done. The misconception is that the venting itself will make you feel better, but often what is vented indicates a need for change, healthier boundaries or more effective coping strategies.”

Although it’s fine to derive some satisfaction from venting to friends and family, you probably want to take advantage of the time and money you spend in therapy to engage in deeper processing that will lead to actual change.

“We can address this by asking ourselves things like, ‘What is my role in this? What is within my control in this situation? What is it that I am really wanting? What is this situation teaching me to overcome?’” Tomkiewicz said.

Mills warned against developing dependence on your therapist. You might expect them to be a perfect fit, do the hard inner work for you, provide concrete instructions for every issue or always be agreeable and never challenge you.

“At times, the client may look at the therapist to provide deeper insight and understanding without engaging in necessary self-exploration,” Mills said.

“While a therapist can ask thoughtful, probing questions, progress can plateau if the client is unwilling or unable to explore their experiences more deeply. The misconception is that deeper insight or self-awareness is provided by the therapist, rather than developed through the client’s own willingness to sit with uncertainty and engage in deeper self-exploration.”

Torres emphasised that therapists do not have all the answers.

“While we have formal training, we are human and not all-knowing. We offer guidance, perspective, strategies and support, but we do not provide ‘answers,’” he said. “Our role is to help you reflect deeply enough to reach your own conclusions.”

“Feedback is such an important part of the therapy process,” Oscarson said. “Everyone is different, and what leads to amazing insight for one person will totally flop with another. Share your reactions with your therapist and what you actually find helps you in between sessions.”

The more honest you are about what works and doesn’t work for you, the more connected you will feel with your therapist and the process of therapy – which makes it more effective.

Tomkiewicz similarly advised against deferring to your therapist and what they say, instead of speaking up about a differing perspective.

“I want to know if something resonates or doesn’t resonate,” she said. “I want to know if what I said didn’t land or if it didn’t make sense to you. Maybe I recommended an exercise or thought experiment, but it doesn’t seem relevant to you – I want to know that.”

She noted that you can say things like, “I don’t understand why we are doing this exercise. Could you give me some more context about how this is supposed to help?” or “That last part you said didn’t really feel right. It’s more like this… Does that make sense?” or “I feel like we are focusing on this one area, but for me, this other area feels like the bigger issue.”

Try to be open about what progress, goals and success in therapy look like for you in general as well.

“Some people stay in therapy for years without feeling real benefit, yet never bring this up,” Varma said. “Therapy works best when it is an active, collaborative process. It helps to be open about what you were hoping for, what you expected and what problems you are trying to address.”

“One mistake that people make in therapy is that they think that showing up is enough to enact change,” said psychotherapist Meg Gitlin. “Finding a therapist and committing to sessions is the first step, and certainly a meaningful one. However, once things start to click in therapy, the real success comes from bringing what you learn in the session to the rest of your life.”

She compared the process to working out with a trainer once a week. You can learn exercises from the trainer and have a good session, but you need to do these workouts more regularly to really strengthen those muscles. With practice over time in everyday life, you will feel stronger.

The same goes for picking up on harmful communication patterns through therapy, for instance. Maybe someone learns they are often people pleasing and then feeling resentful.

“Simply identifying and understanding this pattern is wonderful, but it is not sufficient to break the cycle,” Gitlin said, adding that a therapist might help figure out alternate options for handling a situation and exploring how it would feel to shift the dynamic. “But the real work comes when the client is able to implement these tactics and tolerate the discomfort it may bring them.”

All the change and healing do not happen in sessions, so keep your therapy work present in everyday life. Likewise, when something impacts you during the week, make a note of it so that you can discuss it in your next session. Your therapy process and your daily experiences shouldn’t be disconnected.

“You can have a wonderful, illuminating conversation with your therapist, but it probably won’t result in long-term change if you don’t take action outside of the office,” Oscarson said.

“Choose something small – a new behaviour or a new perspective that you want to take into your week. Attach it to your existing routine, for example, reading a notecard with ‘takeaways’ from your therapy session while you brush your teeth or wait for your coffee to brew. Set reminders on your phone to think about the things you are working on in therapy.”

Keir Starmer has insisted the government wants Anas Sarwar to be the next first minister even after the Scottish Labour leader’s ambush.

Sarwar became the most senior figure in the party to call for the prime minister to resign on Monday, after calling an emergency press conference.

He said the UK’s leadership had to change after Starmer’s decision to appoint Peter Mandelson as the UK’s ambassador to the US – despite Mandelson’s known ties to dead paedophile Jeffrey Epstein.

Mandelson is now facing a police investigation over allegations he passed market sensitive information to the disgraced financier when he was business secretary between 2008 and 2010.

Sarwar urged Starmer to step down over the scandal to avoid complete annihilation Labour during the Holyrood elections on May 7.

“The distraction needs to end and the leadership in Downing Street has to change,” the Scottish Labour leader said. “We cannot allow the failures at the heart of Downing Street to mean the failures continue here in Scotland, because the election in May is not without consequence for the lives of Scots.”

But Sarwar’s attempted coup failed as all cabinet members publicly declared their support for Starmer along with more than 100 Labour MPs.

The prime minister then tried to paper over the cracks in his party while hosting political cabinet on Tuesday.

He told cabinet ministers and the deputy Labour leader, Lucy Powell, that “the whole of the Labour Party wants Anas Sarwar to become first minister and will fight for a Labour government in Scotland”.

Starmer also insisted his political cabinet is “strong and united”, even as a new row between No.10 and health secretary Wes Streeting has erupted.

The senior figure has once again accused Starmer’s allies of briefing against him and conspiring with Sarwar – claims Streeting vehemently denies.

Sarwar was expected to have some support from his opposite number in the Welsh government, first minister and leader of Labour in Wales, Eluned Morgan.

However, she announced her support for Starmer on Tuesday morning.

In a statement, Morgan said: “I support the prime minister in the job he was elected to do. After years of revolving-door leadership under the Conservatives, the country needs stability in an age of instability, and that matters for Wales.”

But she warned that the Mandelson failures “must be acknowledged and confronted honestly”.

Andy Burnham, often seen as a rival to Starmer, insisted the prime minister has his “full support”, too.

He also added a call for “stability”, adding: “Stability comes from greater unity and that would be helped by a more inclusive way of running the party. But recent events makes that now feel possible.”

Margot Robbie is opening up about an infuriating present she was given by a male co-star when she was first starting out as an actor.

The Wuthering Heights actor recently sat down with Complex for a video interview alongside Charli XCX, who has recorded the film’s accompanying soundtrack album.

During the conversation, both stars were asked to name the worst present they’d ever received, to which: “Very, very early in my career, a male actor I worked with gave me a book called Why French Women Don’t Get Fat.

“It was essentially a book telling you to eat less, and I was like, ‘woah, fuck you, dude’.”

As a stunned Charli questioned if the unnamed male actor in question is still performing, Margot responded: “No, that was a very [long time ago]. I have no idea where he would even be now. This was really back in the day.”

“Your career’s over, babe!” the Grammy-winning singer quipped, to which Margot added: “He essentially gave me a book to let me know that I should lose weight. And I was like, ‘wow’.”

Watch Margot Robbie and Charli XCX’s full video interview with Complex for yourself here:

The movie is the third feature-length release from British filmmaker Emerald Fennell, who previously directed Saltburn and the Oscar-winning Promising Young Woman.

On Emerald’s first two films, Margot served as an executive producer, and they also briefly shared the screen in 2023’s Barbie, while Jacob – who is currently in the running for his first Oscar – previously played one of the lead roles in Saltburn.

Wuthering Heights hits UK cinemas on Friday 13 February.