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Christian Bale Grunts His Way Into A Dead Woman’s Pants For The Worst Movie In Theaters

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Christian Bale Grunts His Way Into A Dead Woman's Pants For The Worst Movie In Theaters

By Chris Sawin
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Maggie Gyllenhaal’s The Bride! is set in 1936 Chicago, but takes inspiration from Mary Shelley’s renowned Frankenstein novel, published in 1818. The events of Frankenstein have actually occurred, but Mary Shelley’s existence is also a part of the same timeline.

Frankenstein’s monster (Christian Bale) goes by Frank in the film and has become hopelessly lonely over the past century and some change. He craves companionship and the stinkiest form of sex since The Bride! goes out of its way on multiple occasions to point out how much Frank smells.

The Bride! is a two-hour hodgepodge of dancing, movie-obsessed nonsense.”

A woman named Ida (Jessie Buckley) dies after making a scene at a restaurant. Ida’s husband Clyde (John Magaro) works for a mob boss named Lupino (Zlatko Buric), and all of these factors play into how Ida dies. Frank seeks help from Dr. Cornelia Euphronius (Annette Bening), a scientist.

Euphronius’ research and publications have led Frank to believe that she could create a mate for him. The two of them dig up Ida’s body and bring her back to life, but Ida has no memory of who she used to be or even what her name is. Frank spends the entirety of the film trying to convince her to stay with him for eternity, while the bride just wants to discover her own identity.

The Bride! has a lot going on with its narrative, and there’s even more to divulge. Det. Jake Wiles (Peter Sarsgaard) and his assistant, Myrna Mallow (Penelope Cruz), are the ones investigating Frank and his bride as they travel from Chicago to New York. Frank has a fascination with movie theaters and movies in general, particularly any film with singing, dancing, and starring Ronnie Reed (Jake Gyllenhaal). The bride’s actions, mostly seen as a woman in 1936 exercising independent thought, spark a female movement that not only inspires them but also prompts women to dress like her and copy the black marks on her face and the rest of her body.

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“Christian Bale is pure excrement as Frank.”

Who Ida has become as the bride, and what happens right before her death, are important yet highly spoilerish. Ida is now this split person, and that concept triggers this truly unhinged performance from Jessie Buckley.

The script is borderline atrocious with Buckley spewing a never-ending line of synonyms at the top of her lungs as if she’s about to crap out every edition of The Merriam-Webster Thesaurus right there in the back alleys of Chicago. Something is trapped within her that will seemingly never leave or escape. This is all happening while she struggles to remember who she is. Buckley has a mesmerizing on-screen presence, even if the gibberish she’s saying makes you fight the urge to turn away.

I take no joy in saying that Christian Bale is pure excrement as Frank. The character is written as a feeble monstrosity ashamed to exist, and it feels like Bale takes the role too seriously for it to work.

“The script is borderline atrocious with Buckley spewing a never-ending line of synonyms at the top of her lungs as if she’s about to crap out every edition of The Merriam-Webster Thesaurus.”

The character is somewhat intriguing at first, but slowly morphs into Jared Leto as Joker in the Suicide Squad version of Frankenstein’s monster. Yes, he licks the bride’s black vomit (it’s like brought-back-to-life phlegm or something), he also has sex with her while getting a tattoo of her “name” on his chest, while knowing it isn’t her actual name.

The Gothic romance film can’t really decide what type of film it wants to be. Apart from an American History X curb stomp and the biting off of someone’s tongue, The Bride! is not a horror film. Its few moments of comedy aren’t funny, and nothing in the film is entertaining. The film feels like it’s trying to have some sort of female uprising moment, but the sexual violence in the film kills that momentum at nearly every turn. It may be accurate for the time period, but it doesn’t really add anything to the film as a whole.

The film also builds up Myrna’s big moment as a detective, trying to get recognized as one and going out on her own. The concept is literally introduced in her first scene. Just as that recognition seems within her grasp, she ultimately lets it slip away in the final sequence, leading to a familiar, expected ending.

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“Nothing makes a monster movie come together like a bunch of Goddamn dancing.”

Several characters in The Bride! are just as wishy-washy as the storytelling. Halfway through the film, the bride contemplates whether or not being with Frank is what she wants, and there’s this giant standoff where someone gets shot, and she goes off with Frank anyway. This is all after she made a point to thrust Frank’s underpants monster into her mouth, and after they’ve had a bunch of sex anyway.

Nothing makes a monster movie come together like a bunch of Goddamn dancing. Frank and the bride bounce from movie theater to movie theater after every crime they commit. One sequence sees Jake and Myrna go to one theater while Frank and the bride literally go to one across the street; splitting up to cover both theaters apparently wasn’t an option. Frank also bounces around to Ronnie Reed’s pictures. How it takes so long for this detective, and his secretary (that’s what she starts off as), for them to catch up to Frank and the bride is legitimately mind-boggling.

Every time Frank watches a movie, he imagines himself in the picture, usually dancing or singing. The drive-in sequence is bizarre, though, since everyone there can hear Frank and the bride’s dialogue that was previously seemingly only in his head. Slight spoiler, but Frank gets shot at one point and refuses to go to the hospital. The bride scoffs at the idea and takes him to a movie instead. You can bleed out somewhere where Mommy can fetch some Sour Patch Kids.

Maggie Gyllenhaal is going for something here, but the problem is that The Bride! has far too many things going on at once and never capitalizes on any of them; even the romance isn’t constant. The idea of these two born-again corpses having nothing together is this half-baked idea drowned out by Frank’s sobbing dick and the bride constantly reminding everyone with a pair of eyes and working ears that she’s an entitled, calamitous shrew. The Bride! is a two-hour hodgepodge of dancing, movie-obsessed nonsense.

The Bride! is now playing in theaters everywhere. Stay home and watch any other version of Frankenstein instead.


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Kim Kardashian Shares Her 4 Puppies Despite PETA Backlash

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Kim Kardashian Shares Her 4 New Puppies After PETA Backlash

Kim Kardashian is showing off her family’s four new puppies whether PETA likes it or not.

“Welcome to the fam,” Kardashian, 45, captioned an Instagram photo of her baby Pomeranians on Friday, March 6.

Two photos feature the adorable puppies — a pair with jet black coats, another with a cream coloring and a fourth with sable fur — snuggling up together on a couch. Several of Kardashian’s famous social media followers were overwhelmed by the cuteness on display.

“Omg. They’re so cute,” Vanessa Bryant replied, with close family friend Khadijah Haqq McCray adding: “They’re so cute, they almost don’t seem real!”

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Kim Kardashian Shares Her 4 New Puppies After PETA Backlash

Kim Kardashian’s four new puppies.
Courtesy Instagram/Kim Kardashian

Kardashian originally shared both photos on Christmas Day when she revealed that she’d given each of her four children their own Pomeranian as a holiday gift. (Kardashian and her ex-husband Kanye West share four kids: North, 12, Saint, 10, Chicago, 8, and Psalm, 6.)

“Each kid got a puppy,” she announced via her Instagram Story on December 25, 2025.

The All’s Fair actress posted several videos of her kids playing with the Pomeranians on Christmas morning, including one clip of two of the puppies sharing a sweet kiss.

Not everyone was thrilled with the furry additions to the Kardashian family. Animal rights group PETA’s cofounder Ingrid Newkirk slammed Kardashian’s Christmas gift, insisting that “puppies are not plushies.”

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Precious Pooches! See Kardashian-Jenner Kids' Snuggling Their Sweetest Pets


Related: Precious Pooches! See Kardashian-Jenner Kids Snuggling Their Sweet Pets

It’s been well-documented that the Kardashian-Jenner family loves animals, a trait that they’ve already passed down to their children. Kourtney Kardashian and Kim Kardashian gifted their daughters — Penelope and North, respectively — twin Pomeranian puppies in June 2017. Penelope — whom Kourtney shares with ex Scott Disick — chose to name her pup Honey […]

“It’s a damn shame that Kim missed the chance to be a spokesperson for shelter pups,” Newkirk, 76, told the Daily Mail in December. “Ignoring the homeless animal crisis is inexcusably callous.”

Newkirk demanded that Kardashian “call PETA or a local shelter the next time” she was looking for a pet.

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“[She can] try to make some amends now by sending [her] kids to volunteer at a local shelter or paying for a local shelter adopt-a-thon,” Newark demanded.

Kardashian never directly responded to criticism from PETA.

In the meantime, Kardashian has been spotted on numerous outings with Formula 1 driver Lewis Hamilton in the past few months. Us Weekly exclusively reported in February that Kardashian and Hamilton, 41, had “a few dates recently” but were keeping things “casual.”

“She has felt ready to put herself back out there recently,” a source told Us in early February. “Everyone around her wants her to be happy after everything she has gone through.”

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That same month, Hamilton and Kardashian had their first major outing when they watched the Seattle Seahawks beat the New England Patriots during Super Bowl LX at Levi’s Stadium in Santa Clara, California.

GettyImages-2245563621 Kim Kardashian Shares Her 4 Puppies Despite PETA Backlash

Kim Kardashian in November 2025.
Wagner Meier/Getty Images for Disney+

Us exclusively learned earlier this month that Kardashian and Hamilton have been spending more time together in recent weeks — including taking a trip to Arizona — because their busy schedules eased up.

“They both had a break in their schedules and decided to take another trip to spend more time together and really get to know each other,” an insider revealed. “It’s going well, and Kim has been genuinely enjoying her time with Lewis.”

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The source insisted that Kardashian is “taking it slow” with Hamilton for now because he’s “the first person she’s been romantically involved with in a long time.” (Kardashian dated Pete Davidson from 2021 to 2022 and Odell Beckham Jr. from 2023 to 2024 following her 2021 divorce from West, 48.)

“Lewis is such a great guy and has really been courting her and treating her right. He’s been making all the plans and making sure she is taken care of,” a source told Us this month. “Everyone around her thinks it’s really sweet and what she deserves. Kim has had such a relaxed aura recently in all aspects of her life. Her mindset has totally changed. She’s not forcing anything, just letting it unfold naturally.”

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Ari Fletcher Claps Back At Akademiks Over Lil Baby Rumors

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Rihanna Seemingly Addresses Baby Rumors, Talks "Little Pouch"

Ari Fletcher is never afraid to make it clear that she’s not the one or the two! That’s the exact energy she had for Akademiks after footage surfaced of him saying she’s known for being involved with “everybody’s man.” Once Ari peeped Akademiks’ comments, she hit social media with a lil’ teaser about how she plans to handle him.

RELATED: Not Pressed?! Fans Think Ari Fletcher Just Clocked The Rumors About Her & Lil Baby (PHOTOS)

Ari Fletcher Claps Back At Akademiks For Speaking On Her Name

Roomies, do y’all remember those viral alleged rumors about Ari Fletcher and Lil Baby? There’s still no word on how those rumors started, but fans were shook when they thought Jayda Cheaves addressed the tea during the TikTok livestream. Even though the buzz about Ari and Baby popped off at the top of 026, folks are still talking about it — specifically Akademiks. He recalled the situation during a recent livestream saying that he doesn’t think the accusations about Ari are too farfetched. Throughout the stream, he continued to double down on his beliefs saying Ari is known for messing with everybody’s guy. “Ari is like community p***y.” Akademiks continued, “Everybody f*** Ari. I’m talking about the popping rappers. Half of Atlanta f*** Ari. This is just what it is.” 

Shortly after the clip of Akademiks started going viral, Ari Fletcher hopped on X (formerly Twitter) to respond. She told her followers to stay seated because she’s coming for his pockets.

“I want everybody to play very close attention to what I’m about to do to @Akademiks.I let yall play for way too long but you KEEP defaming my character. I’m taking it to hell. I hope that streaming money tucked bitch cause I’m coming!” 

Social Media Sticks Beside Ari

After The Shade Room posted the clip of Akademiks, the comment section crazy. A bunch of folks sided with Ari and said she should sue him for speaking on her name, while others said they’re tired of him always bashing women. Peep some of the reactions below.

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Instagram user @therealfitnessqueen wrote,These men are the real gossip girls.” 

Instagram user @straightouttachat wrote, GET HIM!! Bankrupt him!!👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾” 

While Instagram user @the_baddiepreneur wrote, As she should because clearly he ain’t learned his lesson about speaking on these women yet!” 

Then Instagram user @tattedkelli_ wrote, “She got him good legally. He didn’t say “allegedly” he’s just throwing stuff out negatively about her and no evidence to support his statements. She gone sue him.” 

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Another Instagram user @daone_n_onliibri wrote, “Do he ever speak on sports the way he love talkign bout women? Serious question.” 

Instagram user @theyblovinnmee wrote, He’s gonna be crying when she done with him & I can’t wait to laugh.” 

Then another Instagram user @medium.bell wrote, “Why he speaking on this girl like he was there in the bedroom it’s weird.” 

Finally, Instagram user @vashchats wrote, “Something about a man always speaking on a woman don’t sit right with me.” 

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Ari Appears Unbothered Amid Ongoing Lil Baby Rumors

To this day, nobody has confirmed whether Ari Fletcher and Lil Baby actually had relations, and neither of them have publicly addressed the rumors. But after fans thought Jayda Cheaves hinted at it during a TikTok livestream, many believed Ari responded in her own subtle way. Around that time, Ari dropped photos on Instagram showing herself posing in a dramatic fur coat and white dress. She kept the caption short, writing, “My year.” 

 

RELATED: Unbreakable Bond! Ari Fletcher Appears To Show Off “Demario” Tattoo Alongside Sweet Message To Moneybagg Yo (PHOTO)

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Lala Baptiste & Jay Cinco Reveal Their Baby’s Gender (VIDEO)

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Lala Baptiste & Jay Cinco Confirm Their Baby’s Gender In Heartwarming Reveal

Some moments are just too cute not to share, and Friday night belonged to Lala Baptiste and Jay Cinco. The couple gave fans a peek into their love-filled lives as they officially revealed the gender of their baby in a video that’s been making rounds across social media.

RELATED: Bundle Of Joy OTW! Jay Cinco And Lala Baptiste Reveal They’re Expecting Their First Child Together (PHOTOS) 

Lala Baptiste And Jay Cinco’s Gender Reveal Moment

The gender reveal clip is giving all the feels! Outside under the evening sky, Lala Baptiste and Jay Cinco were surrounded by friends and family holding up phone flashlights, setting the perfect glow for the big moment. Lala stunned in a salmon-colored dress with fur details. Meanwhile, Jay rocked an off-white sweater with slacks, keeping it cozy yet stylish. Adding to the festive vibes, a man dressed as Santa Claus joined the scene. Then came the moment everyone was waiting for — a woman handed Jay a reddish box, which he passed to Lala. As she carefully unwrapped it, the camera captured their priceless reactions when they spotted a pink ball inside — confirming a baby girl is on the way. Lala’s face immediately lit up with pure joy. And, Jay rushed to hug her as she sat down, both completely over the moon.

The gender reveal fun didn’t stop there. In another video posted to Lala Baptiste’s social media, she shared a clip of her and JayCinco doing the viral cake reveal. The couple sat side by side, champagne glasses in hand, as they sliced into the cake to reveal the color of the dough — pink or blue. The video caption teased, “It’s a…” accompanied by blue, pink, and happy tears emojis. As the video shifted from black-and-white to color, fans got the moment of truth: a bright pink cake confirming they’re expecting a baby girl.

Social Media Goes Wild Over The Moment

Fans immediately flooded the comments on The Shade Room Teens’ Instagram page after the reveal, and the excitement was unreal. Many fans said it only made sense that Lala Baptiste is having a baby girl. While others claimed JayCinco was born to be a “girl dad” and predicted she’ll have him wrapped around her finger.

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One Instagram user @jusstniyy_ said, “I knew it was gone be a girl omggg Congratulationsss💞”

This Instagram user @lifeascarmen.__ commented, “Awww congratulations 😍😍”

And, Instagram user @kaalynndianee added, “Awwww I’m cryingggg so sweet 🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾”

Meanwhile, Instagram user @niyyyyah_finstaaaa wrote, “Omggg yesss baby will be beautiful cinco is made to be a girl dad how gentle he is wit all the women in his life

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While Instagram user @thedivineflo shared, “He would make the BEST girl dad

Finally, Instagram user @__msz.brown said, “That baby is gonna have her Dad wrapped around her little finger. Congrats ❤️”

Everything About Lala Baptiste’s Pregnancy Journey

Fans have been buzzing about Lala and Jay Cinco’s baby for months. The couple confirmed the news over the holidays, putting an end to speculation that had been swirling for months. Lala shared a series of festive photos with JayCinco, proudly showing off her growing baby bump while captioning one post, “The best gift.” JayCinco added his own announcement on Instagram Story, teasing, “I’ma popssss… Us never them. New addition to the family,” before also taking to X to thank fans for their patience and support, explaining that the announcement had been delayed because they’d “just been ripping and running since we landed.

RELATED: What’s Tea? Lala Baptiste Sparks Pregnancy Rumors During Greece Getaway With Jay Cinco (VIDEOS)

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