They said Thijssen’s patterns from his past two relationships – one with James, one with another woman who broke up with him in 2021 – fit the definition of coercive control: control, jealousy, ingratiating himself into their social circles, paternalistic lecturing, disproportionate emotional responses. His secretive actions in the days before he took James’ life fit well-known risk factors for intimate partner homicide.
Their friends mistook some of Thijssen’s behaviours as care and concern.
The experts raised concerns about Thijssen’s use of James’ social media to track her movements and said this was a wider problem arising from the normalisation of sharing locations on their devices.
“There’s some important work to be done in ensuring young people understand the risks involved in sharing your location,” said Associate Professor Kate Fitz-Gibbon, an expert in intimate partner violence from Monash University.
On Thursday, the inquest also released footage of Thijssen’s preparations for the killing, which included a trip to a Mitre 10 hardware outlet, where he bought a hammer (not the one used in the murder), his rehearsing of his plan to barge into the St Andrew’s toilet where she was getting changed, and footage of his trip to a train station to spy on her.
The James family did not oppose the release of the material. It also released a still photo capturing Thijssen moments before the murder in the same position. He wears a backpack and waits outside the toilet while James gets changed inside. He holds a hammer, although that cannot be seen in the photograph at the request of her family.
Still of CCTV vision showing Paul Thijssen outside the bathroom when Lilie James is inside.
The still photograph also shows the cleaning sign he put in front of another bathroom to ensure she got changed in his preferred toilet. Audio of his triple-zero call to alert authorities to the presence of James’ body at the school on the night of the murder – soon before he killed himself – was also released.
Thijssen, 23, and James, 21, both told friends that their relationship was casual. However, even though Thijssen privately told others he didn’t consider James girlfriend material, he also wanted it to be exclusive. His friends say he appeared more invested than he admitted.
The experts said his control of her began slipping when Thijssen went to Bali and James spent time with another man. She told him about it afterwards, and he said he forgave her while also giving her a lecture about her behaviour. They resolved to continue their casual relationship until the end of the year. “He didn’t think I was a bad person,” James told a friend. “I’m young and still figuring out how to make good choices.”
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Anna Butler, chair of the Australian Domestic and Family Violence Death Review Network, said this suggested that James was trying to distance herself, triggering an attempt by Thijssen to re-exert control. “Lilie was trying to extricate herself from the relationship, and he manipulated her into continuing,” she told the inquest.
After his return from Bali, he showed friends a private photograph of James. “His attempt at reasserting control and showing her friends, without Lilie’s consent, in an attempt to demonstrate some dominance over her and his sexual entitlement to her.”
The inquest was shown footage of an argument between the two outside the St Andrew’s Sports Centre on the Thursday night before James died, in which Thijssen was agitated and gesticulating; she was folding her arms defensively. At one point, he put his hands on her shoulders; at another, he appeared to push her towards a wall.
On the Friday night before she died, James attended a 21st. Thijssen was not invited. He dropped her and a friend there – instructing the friend to prevent James from spending time with an ex-boyfriend – and then went to a pizza restaurant with St Andrew’s friends.
“Paul seemed stressed about Lilie being at the 21st,” a friend was quoted as saying. “[He] kept making comments about how her ex would be at the party.”
Counsel assisting Jennifer Single leaving the inquest. Credit: Louise Kennerley
He seemed able to track her whereabouts via Snapchat.
Their mutual friends thought his concern was an indication of how much he must like James and his worry for her. But the experts said it showed his desire for control.
Several of Thijssen’s friends made the same mistake as many young people, who often mistake jealous, controlling behaviours for concern and care.
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“It’s assuming that [behaviour] was coming from a place of kindness, a place of love,” said Fitz-Gibbon. “It points to the significant need for educational awareness among young people that this can be … sinister.”
James told her ex at that party that she “didn’t feel safe with [Thijssen], and [was] a bit ‘weirded out’ by him,” counsel assisting the coroner, Jennifer Single, told the inquest.
Thijssen had offered to pick her up and waited outside the party for an hour before quizzing friends on whether she had been speaking to her ex. When he learned that she had, he was sour and quiet on the way home. Thijssen later told a friend that James had broken it off that night, and she would make a final decision by Monday.
Butler said the Friday night party was “a real tipping point, a significant loss of control for Paul. His comments to [a] friend … why is she making me wait until Monday, is indicative of a growing anger and resentment; he no longer has any control over the parameters of the relationship”.
Domestic violence expert Kate Fitz-Gibbon speaking to the media outside the NSW Coroners Court.Credit: Louise Kennerley
Over the following five days, Thijssen sat outside James’ house seven times, spied on her at a train station, set up a fake Snapchat account to monitor her and began planning the murder. These behaviours fit a well-researched pattern of behaviour shown by many killers as they escalate towards intimate partner homicide, the experts said. Thijssen killed James on the evening of October 25, 2023. He killed himself later that night.
E-Safety Commissioner Julie Inman Grant told the inquest that one in four 10 to 17-year-olds had “experienced some form of tracking monitoring and harassment,” she said. “So we talked about normalisation – that is really concerning to me.”
If you or anyone you know needs support, you can contact the National Sexual Assault, Domestic and Family Violence Counselling Service on 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732), Lifeline 131 114, or Beyond Blue 1300 224 636.
