a guide to finding love later in life

Whether you’re a widow, widower or divorcee, the thought of online dating can feel daunting. However, more and more people are turning to the internet to find romance. Roughly 16 per cent of UK adults met their long-term partner online, according to Statista. Among them, there are lots of singles over 50 using dating sites to find a companion.

So here’s how to navigate your online dating life with expert advice from psychologist and dating coach Dr Pam Spurr, and sex and relationship coach Angela Vossen.

How do I know if I’m ready to date again?

Coming out of any relationship is hard. If you’re hoping to date after a divorce, bereavement or break up, it can take a long time to feel ready to date again. Dr Spurr advises taking your time.

“Many people feel bruised, even traumatised, after coming out of a long-term relationship or having been bereaved,” she explains. “Your feelings naturally vary from day to day about whether you’re ready to get back out to look for love – or even for fun. A crucial factor is if you’ve come to the point where you have more good days compared to bad days”.

Dr Spurr explains that good days are the days on which you feel more optimistic about life generally, and you find your thoughts turning to meeting someone new. “That’s an important sign that you are healing,” she says. “However, if you’re still feeling deeply insecure or are riddled with self-doubt about your worthiness, take your time. When you feel worthy, you will find someone worthy of you”. 

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How to start dating online for seniors

If you’re new to online dating, it can feel intimidating at first. The secret is taking things step by step so that you do things at your own pace. The first step, however, should be choosing a senior dating site that will help match you with like-minded people. This will narrow your search and ensure your dating experience is more successful.

Step 1: Create an online profile

Once you’ve decided on a dating service and signed up, you’ll be asked to write a dating profile. This should reflect who you are along with your passions, values and what you seek in a partner. 

Try to be authentic rather than creating a fantasy version of yourself. If you exaggerate your accomplishments, your date will only feel deceived once they get to know you. Likewise, don’t be tempted to use a photo of yourself from 10 years ago. 

Step 2: Spark meaningful chats with potential dates

Once you have signed up to a senior dating site and created a profile, you will be free to start looking at other people’s profiles and sending messages to anyone that catches your attention. But how can you initiate a conversation after an introduction? 

“When messaging people on dating sites, ask open-ended questions to spark meaningful chats,” says Angela. A good example would be, ‘I can see you enjoy travel. What place have you always wanted to visit but haven’t yet?’ or “tell me more about your love of tennis? Did you watch the US Open?” If things go really well and the chat seems to flow naturally, you may decide to organise a phone chat or ask them out on a date. An initial chat over the phone can help gauge how well you get on and how easily the conversation flows. If this goes well, meeting in person may feel less nerve wracking and a little less ‘blind’. 

Step 3: Prioritise your safety

“While most people are well intentioned online, it’s important to protect your safety,” advises Ms Vossen. “Keep personal details private (like where you live or your social media profiles) until you’ve met in person and built trust”. You should also arrange first dates in public places, share your plans with a friend, and trust your instincts if something feels off. 

If the first date or two doesn’t quite hit the mark, try not to be too disappointed and remember that you can say no to another date. Ms Vossen says: “Be patient – online dating takes time, but with practice, you’ll gain confidence and enjoy the journey”.

Traditional ways to meet senior singles

Of course, couples continue to meet in a manner that predates online dating sites. If you’re keen to join the dating scene but find the online world overwhelming, there are plenty of ways to meet people in real life. 

1. Holidays and group trips

We are often our best selves on holiday, so it’s the ideal place to find a single senior woman or to meet men if the opportunity presents itself. Why not organise a trip on which you meet new people while doing what you love, whether that’s cycling, walking, sightseeing or just travelling around a new part of the world. There are many escorted tours that cater to specific age groups and interests. They also take away the stress of organising a trip yourself.

“An organised holiday or trip can be a great place to meet someone new and there are many organisations offering these for the over 50s,” says Dr Spur.  “A word of caution though, you can spend a lot of money and there’s no guarantee that you will meet that special person. However, if it’s a place you’ve wanted to travel to then go with the mindset that you’re going to have a great trip. If you meet someone, that’s an added bonus”. 

2. Activities and social groups 

Whether you enjoy walking, reading or volunteering, taking up a new hobby or joining a social group is a great way to enhance your social life and increase your chances of meeting a new romantic interest.

“Joining a club or taking up a hobby can be a fantastic way of meeting singles who enjoy the same pastimes,” says Dr Spur. “You’re doing an activity you enjoy knowing that there might also be someone there that will catch your eye”. 

If you do meet someone that you’re interested in at a social event, Dr Spur advises starting with a simple ‘hello’ and an easy question such as how long they’ve been doing that particular activity or hobby. “This can open-up a friendly conversation that might lead to flirting down the line,” she says.

Whichever way you decide to start looking for love, approach it in a way that you feel comfortable with. Whether you sign up to a dating service, book a group trip, or join a club, it’s never too late to begin a new chapter.