Andrea Bocelli rescues opening ceremony after Mariah Carey dresses like a meringue

Meanwhile in the Cortina studio from where the coverage over the next fortnight will come, were stationed a presentational trio of Balding, and former Olympians Lizzy Yarnold and Chemmy Alcott. This suggested that, at least as far as the BBC is concerned, there are seemingly no men involved in these Games.

Though, to be fair, there was a bloke to the helm for the ceremony itself. Indeed the BBC had chosen more than wisely in its commentary team. Joining Hazel Irvine behind the microphone was the incomparable racing reporter John Hunt, a man who could use the Olympics’ apparent power to act as a healing balm.

He and Irvine had much to describe. Not least in who was there in the crowd at San Siro. JD Vance was in the pricey seats, while Britain was represented by the unexpected pair of Princess Anne and Lisa Nandy, who was presumably the only available member of the cabinet solely because she has no chance of maneuvering for the Labour leadership.

As it all got underway, Hunt had a good line about the apparent star of the event.

“Shortly we’ll discover Mariah is for life,” he said of Ms Carey, who was about to sing, “not just for Christmas.”

He spoke a bit too soon. All we could see on the screen for what seemed an interminable grind was the kind of wretched interpretive dance that is only ever unleashed at Olympic opening ceremonies.

Eventually, on came Carey, dressed as a meringue, singing Volare, the tune that won Italy the 1958 Eurovision Song Contest. She struggled to reach the high notes before demonstrating her diva credentials by being carried off the stage. The most pressing thought, though, was that rarely can such a storied artistic heritage as that of the host nation have been so blandly represented as it was here.