Jess Megan starred in Channel 4‘s Bring Back The Bush in 2020.
The star of a groundbreaking Channel 4 programme has shared her grief for the first time, four years after boyfriend died. Model and activist Jess Megan starred in Bring Back The Bush in 2020.
Jess took to social media for the first time yesterday to share what she has been through after losing partner Olli.
She said: “What I want people to know, is that there is a way out. Whatever your situation is. However you’ve been hurt (Grief isn’t exclusive to death).
“But that way out is not linear. It’s a gruelling obstacle course while everyone else seems to be on a low-level hike. Not everyone who loves you will understand it, some might even leave you.”
Jess’ partner, Olli, went to bed and never woke four years ago. She posted 12 video clips from the year he died on social media on Thursday, February 19 where she highlighted her emotions at the time.
In a clip from January, Jess’s boyfriend was still alive. She was taking part in the viral “See You Again” trend inspired by Miley Cyrus. In February, he was still alive, but by the time of the March clip, he had passed away.
That clip showed Jess with a bloodied nose and she admitted that she had been sleeping on his grave every night. In both the April and May clips, she was seen crying. In June, she revealed that she hadn’t left her house for months.
The next month, she revealed in the clip that she wasn’t speaking to anyone and confessed she couldn’t stop drinking. In August, she said she was “out of her mind,” and in September, she was smoking 40 cigarettes a day.
Jess was hospitalised after suffering a heart attack in October and she was reportedly unrecognisable in November when she said that cortisol had “blown everything up.” In the December clip, Jess admitted she “couldn’t do another year of this.”
In the caption of the social media post, Jess penned: “Grief is manic and ungracious. I’d never felt so insane. For the first time ever my mind felt like a locked box, with me on the outside. I didn’t know what was going on in my head and I couldn’t control it.
“I couldn’t do half-measured responses. I was walking to the shop bare-footed in a bathrobe and telling anyone who would listen that my boyfriend was dead. Then I would drink a box of wine and smoke thirty cigarettes until I couldn’t keep my eyes open.”
She went on to say that grief made her “feral” and she “didn’t sleep”, because sleep was the only place she “got to see him, experience sweet relief, only to wake up and find out he was gone all over again”.
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