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What will the weather be like in the North East today?

According to the Met Office, today will consist of sunny intervals and showers.

Today: A mixture of sunny intervals and blustery showers, some of which will be heavy and perhaps thundery, especially over western hills. Winds freshening once again to give a rather cool feel to the day. Maximum temperature 17 °C.

Tonight: Partly cloudy through the evening with showers gradually dying out. Becoming largely dry overnight and clear in the west, though cloudier along eastern coasts. Winds easing. Minimum temperature 6 °C.

Are there any roadworks in Darlington?

• Give take traffic due to telecoms work on Thornton Street both ways between Corporation Road and Gladstone Street.
• Closed to commercial vehicles over 7.5 tonnes on Upper Russell Street Eastbound from B6279 Freemans Place to Borough Road.
• Height limit of 4.3 meters on B6280 Parkgate both ways between Neasham Road and Borough Road.
• Temporary traffic signals due to telecoms work on A68 Woodland Road both ways between Hollyhurst Road and Bracken Road.
• Give take traffic due to electricity work on Winchester Way both ways at Rochester Way.
• Give take traffic due to construction on Auckland Avenue both ways between Brinkburn Road and Auckland Oval.

All of this information is from AA Traffic Maps.

Plans had been submitted to modernise the property on Sandown Road, Harwood, including converting the garage into living space, rendering the property and changing its windows.

The most distinctive part of the scheme was glazing on the front of the bungalow stretching from ground level to the apex of the roof.

Bolton Council refused permission in April, arguing that the combined impact of the increased glazing and render would harm the character and appearance of the area.

The decision was appealed, with an appeal statement arguing that the council had “very substantially overstated” the significance of what was described as a “modest glazing panel” above the entrance.

It also argued that “residential neighbourhoods are not museum exhibits”.

The statement said established neighbourhoods naturally evolve as homeowners adapt and modernise their properties.

It pointed to other properties in Harwood where contemporary alterations had previously been approved, including a bungalow around 500 metres away on Hough Fold Way and a home on Chale Green.

But planning inspector Martin H Seddon dismissed the appeal after visiting the site on August 18.

The inspector did, however, disagree with concerns over the render.

He noted that a significant number of nearby bungalows already incorporated render and said: “I see no reason why it should not be used as an external material at the appeal building.”

The floor-to-roof glazing proved decisive.

Mr Seddon said there were no other bungalows with full-height glazing in the immediate vicinity and that the proposed front elevation would appear “prominent and out of character in the street scene”.

The appeal had highlighted a triangular window previously approved at the bungalow next door, but the inspector said this was smaller and separated from the doors below.

He concluded that the proposed glazing would be “harmful to the character and appearance of the surrounding area because of its scale and extent”.

The appeal was therefore dismissed.

However, much of the planned makeover can still go ahead, with the council approving an almost identical scheme for the bungalow which retains the rendered elevations but removes the disputed glazing above the entrance.

It follows an incident that saw a backflow of sewage a few years ago

A major government planning change has been called for to avoid sewage flowing into homes. The call has come after concerns were raised on a planning rule that leaves Anglian Water with no options to object to applications that require connecting to a public sewer.

Fenland District Council’s overview and scrutiny committee heard from a representative of Anglian Water on Monday, September 7. Cllr Dee Laws, the portfolio holder for planning, told the committee that Anglian Water is not a statutory body – meaning they must be consulted when considering a planning application. The Conservative councillor said: “This becomes a problem when we have planning applications, especially if they’re major.

“I have every sympathy with Anglian Water and any other water company because they’re faced with this challenge and they do not have options, really.”

She said that under current law, developers have the “right to connect” to any public sewer and the water company is unable to object. The council is currently facing an appeal after refusing plans for up to 200 homes near Coates over concerns around the development’s impact on services and infrastructure.

During a hearing last month, a town councillor said the sewage pumping station had failed in the winter of 2023 – causing a backflow of sewage into properties in the village.

Cllr Laws said that although some developers work with Anglian Water through the right to connect process, others don’t, and suggested the committee write to their MP. She said: “What we need to do is change this in Parliament – I know it’s not going to be easy, I appreciate there’s lots of obstacles ahead, but we’ve got to start somewhere.

“I’ve heard so many members around this table and, obviously elected members, complain about sewage, pipes and connections onto 200 properties, possibly. We’ve got a voice – let’s use it.”

Cllr Alex Miscandlon agreed and said: “It’s an ongoing problem which Anglian Water has to suffer by, I’m not going to say unscrupulous developers, but developers who don’t want to follow the rules.”

The Conservative councillor called the right to connect “a blight” on the development landscape. Grant Tufts, senior policy and public affairs lead at Anglian Water, said that many MPs had written to different governments on the issue.

He said: “The issue is, new governments tend to like less regulation – not more, so we’re up against national government trying to make planning easier, not harder. But that doesn’t mean to say that water companies shouldn’t have more of a say – as you said, there’s some big challenges here and developers have got a lot of weight behind them often.

“We want to work with developers a lot of the time and they’re not all big bad entities – a lot of them are really good and they work with us, but unfortunately there is that underlying entitlement that they’ve got.”

The committee voted unanimously to write a letter to their MP and the Secretary of State outlining the difficulties with the right to connect and for water companies to be made statutory consultees.

“Some boys take to boarding like a fish to water; others take a minute to settle in,” writes the Good Schools Guide about Eton College, which says the school provides each boy with a private single room.

Melanie Sanderson, the school guide’s managing editor, said Eton has “spectacular facilities and spacious grounds”.

“Yet despite its ancient buildings, it is a modern school with a progressive outlook.

“Most 13-year-old boys arriving there in September cannot possibly know what adult life holds for them.

“Prince George, however, faces a very particular future and his parents, with an unrivalled choice of schools available to them, have decided that an Eton education represents the best preparation for life as a modern working royal,” she said.

Most of the hundreds of men clad in sinister balaclavas and black outfits on the Dover anti-migrant protest were anonymous, but one well-built man stood out from the mob.

His name is Daniel Thomas, 37, founder of Patriot Platform, who describes his army of protesters as ‘working-class men who are bricklayers, roofers and carpenters who build the house you live in, the roads you drive on’.

Yet Daniel Thomas’s solidly middle-class upbringing appears to be very different from the men he claims to represent.

He attended a private school in Hampshire and his father Russell was a university-educated skiing enthusiast who retired to Brittany.

Now, Thomas, who despite his respectable roots is a convicted kidnapper and served time in prison, is hailed by some as the heir apparent to his long-time associate on the far-Right, Tommy Robinson, for whom he was once a bodyguard.

Whereas Robinson’s now-defunct English Defence League was largely about boisterous street protests, Thomas insists that his movement will follow a ‘non-violent’ path, despite the intimidating tactics of those balaclavas and much talk of ‘boots on the ground’.

Thomas, who goes by ‘Danny Tommo’ online, later livestreamed himself in the ocean in Portsmouth after a dinghy carrying 140 migrants arrived on the English coast

A man believed to be Thomas is seen arguing with a police officer while standing in the water at Eastney beach on Sunday afternoon

More than 500 protestors took to the streets of Eastney in a bid to stop the asylum seekers being transported to an immigration centre

Thomas livestreamed much of the protest and, at one point, filmed a bus leaving the coast

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It should be noted that the evidence on the streets of Portsmouth on Sunday night at the second protest wasn’t in his favour, with police officers injured and vehicles damaged.

Father-of-four and roofing company director Thomas, from Portsmouth, has a military background, having served as a tank driver with the King’s Royal Hussars.

But his Army career was cut short, having been discharged on medical grounds before seeing any active service.

Judging from YouTube clips where he is seen rallying his ‘troops’ and calling (not always successfully) for iron-clad discipline, the man known on social media as ‘Danny Tommo’ clearly feels his time has come.

His mission now is to launch a mass movement of ‘men’ to make Britain safe from migrants.

But who is ‘Tommo’, and how did he get to a position where he could outfox the police at Britain’s major ports not once but twice in as many days?

He has said that his violent past brought him to a turning point and forced him to recast himself as a Christian activist. He was jailed for two years in 2016 after bursting into the home of Graham Page in Hayling Island, Hampshire, along with two accomplices.

Thomas, who was in May this year a security guard for Tommy Robinson, has been hailed as the Unite the Kingdom leader’s long-term successor

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The three men were armed with knives and shouted ‘you’re coming with us’ before punching the victim, pinning him against a wall and trying to force him from his home.

They had wrongly accused Mr Page of stealing £10,000 worth of drugs from them.

How Thomas ended up in such company isn’t clear, but it’s notable that only a year later his father posted a glowing tribute to Daniel’s younger brother Jack on his 16th birthday.

Russell Thomas wrote on Facebook: ’16 years Old Today… WOW where did the years go! And congrats on becoming trilingual, great job, well done!’

Tragically, Russell Thomas took his own life in France in 2022, aged just 60. None of Daniel Thomas’s three siblings seem to have followed him down the path of balaclavas and boots.

Brother Jack is now an aviation professional for Swissport, working at Edinburgh Airport, while sister Victoria is a yoga teacher and osteopath based in Brighton. She runs CPD classes for other yoga trainers and has worked as an instructor on a superyacht.

His other sister Charlie is an entrepreneur and business consultant who offers advice to start-ups.

And last night, Daniel’s mother Alison Thomas, 63, who lives in a neat terraced house in Chichester, West Sussex, appeared to distance herself from her son’s recent activities.

The mother-of-four said: ‘He doesn’t live here. This is my house. I don’t want anyone coming round here. I have nothing to do with it.’

Thomas’ father Russell, left, tragically took his own life in 2022 in France

Asked if she supported his actions, she said: ‘I’m just a lady living by myself with my German shepherd dog and I don’t want any aggravation.’

Daniel and his partner Jasmine appear to frequently holiday to Tenerife, staying in a luxury hotel last month.

His roofing company, named RMT Roofing Specialists Ltd, claims to be ‘rooted in faith’ and provide roof installations which reflect ‘our integrity and strong Christian values’.

After his release from prison, Thomas came up with his pseudonym Danny Tommo and organised marches throughout the country calling for Robinson, whose real name is Stephen Yaxley-Lennon, to be freed from a sentence for contempt of court.

Then in 2018 he was involved with organising a United Kingdom Independence Party ‘Brexit Betrayal’ rally at which Robinson spoke.

At the time, Thomas told the Telegraph that the attempted kidnapping was committed because he ‘got involved with some stupid people’, adding that ‘Everyone deserves a second chance. I came out of prison and turned my life around.’

Yesterday Thomas dramatically crashed a press conference held by Reform UK’s home affairs spokesman Zia Yusuf, and made clear he wasn’t impressed with Nigel Farage’s verdict on his protests at Dover and Portsmouth as ‘disgusting’.

Thomas shouted to Mr Yusuf: ‘You have to understand, Yusuf, that what we’re trying to do and the reason the Patriot Platform has been created is not because of violence. We’re not looking to intimidate anyone.

‘Let me start by first explaining to you why the men are wearing masks. As you know, and as Nigel knows, the left in this country target us massively… The reason they’re covering their faces is because we know they’re going to be targeted.’

He added: ‘What Nigel Farage has done is not good. When you call people disgusting, yeah, you have to understand the reasons of why this is happening.’

Yesterday, Thomas dramatically crashed a press conference held by Reform UK’s home affairs spokesman Zia Yusuf (pictured) and made clear he wasn’t impressed

He cast himself as kingmaker, vowing that his followers would eventually ‘convert into a voting bloc’. He added that if Mr Farage ‘slanders me, they’re going to push us into other parties. At the end of the day, I do like what… some (other) parties are doing.’

Thomas insists Patriot Platform was formed to defend Britain’s borders, not to promote extremism.

But after an extraordinary weekend of blocked roads, delayed holidaymakers, masked protesters and clashes with police, the authorities – and politicians – face a question that is becoming harder to ignore: Is ‘Danny Tommo’ merely another rabble rouser – or the figurehead of a new, and increasingly organised, form of anti-migrant street politics?

Is someone in poverty if they can afford food, housing and the things they really need, but not other things most people take for granted? Answering this question requires a judgment about where an acceptable standard of living ends and poverty begins.

Statistics can tell us how many people live in those circumstances, but not whether those circumstances should count as poverty. Even the categories themselves are not self-evident: deciding what is a need, and what is merely taken for granted, is itself part of drawing the poverty line.

Debates about poverty usually focus on the headline figures: how many people are poor, whether poverty is rising or falling, or how changes to the benefits system affect it.

This is complicated by the fact that the UK has no single, universally accepted definition of poverty. Its most widely used, official benchmark is relative low income: living in a household whose disposable income, adjusted for household size, falls below 60% of the median in that year. This is useful for showing whether lower-income households are keeping pace with typical living standards, but it does not directly reveal what they can afford. The threshold also moves as median income changes.

Political disagreement occurs over whether poverty results from individual choices or wider social conditions. For example, whether benefit claimants are deserving or “scroungers”.

My new research suggests that disagreement actually starts earlier – at the point where hardship is classified as poverty. And people with different political values draw the poverty line in different places.

I analysed responses from 2,642 participants in the 2022 British Social Attitudes survey. They were asked whether someone in Britain should count as poor in three increasingly severe situations.

The first described someone who could buy the things they really needed, but not the things most people take for granted. Around 41% called this poverty. The proportion rose to 68% when someone had enough to eat and live but not enough for other things they needed, and to 80% when they could not eat and live without getting into debt.

À lire aussi :
Cost of living crisis: it’s not enough to know how many people are below the poverty line – we need to measure poverty depth

The survey measured left-right political orientation through several questions about redistribution, big business and economic fairness. A separate “welfarism” scale captured attitudes towards welfare provision and recipients – including benefit spending, personal responsibility for unemployment, deservingness and suspected benefit abuse.

Across all three situations, people with more right-leaning and welfare-sceptical views were less likely to apply the poverty label. The ideological divide was strongest for the broadest, socially comparative description and became weaker as hardship grew more severe.

The pattern was not simply a reflection of party politics: it remained after accounting for which party respondents supported, felt closest to or were most likely to vote for. This suggests that the differences reflect broader ideological orientations, rather than merely party allegiance, party messaging or attitudes towards the government of the day.

Different poverty lines, different views of Britain

Respondents’ views on the definition of poverty also translated to how widespread they thought poverty was.

People who subscribed to the broader, socially comparative definition of poverty, or the middle minimum-standard one, were more likely to say that there was “quite a lot” of real poverty in Britain.

Of the three definitions, the minimum-standard one was most consistently associated with respondents believing that poverty had increased over the previous ten years and would increase over the next ten.

By contrast, the most severe definition (subsistence and debt) attracted so much agreement that it did little to explain why people differed in their wider assessments of how much poverty existed or whether it was changing.

Differences in where respondents drew the poverty boundary statistically accounted for about a quarter of the left-right association with perceptions of how much poverty existed in Britain.

The findings show that definitions and evaluations are tightly connected. People can look at the same society and sincerely reach different conclusions, partly because they are classifying what they see differently.

Poverty statistics do not emerge from data alone. They are generated by applying a prior standard – relative living conditions, an agreed minimum or basic subsistence. Different standards can produce different accounts of the scale and direction of poverty. Every poverty measure reflects a judgment about what people need to live adequately and participate in society – and this is not politically neutral.

For researchers, policymakers and journalists, the practical lesson is to make the poverty line visible. Claims that poverty is widespread, rising or falling should specify the threshold being used and the forms of hardship it recognises.

Recent attempts to improve poverty measurement have moved beyond income alone. The government’s Below Average Resources measure includes savings and deducts unavoidable costs such as childcare and disability-related expenses. Its material-deprivation measures ask whether households can afford a contemporary set of necessities.

These measures may capture living conditions more realistically, but they do not eliminate judgment. Political decisions about which resources, costs and necessities count still determine where the poverty boundary falls.

Making the poverty line explicit will not make it politically neutral or universally accepted. It might, however, reveal whether disagreement concerns the evidence, the policy response, or the threshold at which hardship becomes recognised as poverty.

Jaissle remains unbeaten in his first four games in charge of Newcastle in all competitions.

However, only three of the club’s eight summer signings – Lukas Hornicek, Amar Dedic and Nico Gonzalez – started in the 2-2 draw against Bournemouth.

It felt like a reminder of the time it will take some of the new arrivals to bed in during what Jaissle has repeatedly called a “transition phase”.

Newcastle have forecast a range of financial scenarios, depending on where the club finish this season, but Wilson maintained the German has not been set a specific target for the campaign.

Hopkinson, though, reiterated that Newcastle‘s ultimate ambition is to “consistently and credibly compete” for the top honours in the long run.

After entering into a Uefa settlement, following a breach of the European football governing body’s financial rules, Hopkinson stressed Newcastle needed to be compliant with the game’s regulations to do so.

The Magpies have set out to boost revenues by 50% between now and 2030 – mainly through sponsorship deals – but trading players will remain a key part of the club’s strategy in order to reinvest.

“We want to have players here who are on a journey with us,” Wilson said.

“Equally, if some of those players’ journeys go at rapid speed, they might go somewhere else but, of course, that’s normal. That’s part of football.”

Although Newcastle had prepared for the departures of Anthony Gordon and Sandro Tonali, to Barcelona and Tottenham Hotspur respectively, the club had never planned to lose talisman Bruno Guimaraes.

Newcastle also had to readjust during the window after top targets Victor Munoz and Johan Manzambi joined Liverpool and Aston Villa respectively.

However, aside from Guimaraes going to Arsenal, Wilson claimed “everything else that happened during the window was part of the plan”.

“That does not mean that every single player [who signed] was the number one name on our list, but that is never the case in any transfer window,” he said.

“Clearly we were disappointed a couple of times but, again, that’s normal.

“No club goes into the window and reaches the end getting every target they set out to get. If they say they did, it is a lie.”

Drivers were advised to find alternative routes

A man sustained serious injuries and was rushed to hospital following a crash on a Peterborough road. Cambridgeshire Police were called to a single vehicle collision in Eastfield Road at about 1pm on Sunday (September 6).

Officers and paramedics rushed to the scene. The passenger in the vehicle, a man, was taken to hospital with serious injuries, a force spokesperson confirmed. Drivers were advised by the force to find alternative routes at the time of the incident.

The driver, a 27-year-old man from Peterborough, was arrested on suspicion of drug driving, causing serious injury by dangerous driving and failing to stop. He remains in custody at Thorpe Wood police station.

As well as our website, CambridgeshireLive has a Facebook page, a Twitter feed, @Cambslive, and for a daily snapshot of the top stories, you can sign up to receive our newsletter.

For updates on where you live there’s also InYourArea.co.uk, a service that is customised to provide information and new from near you, both from us and from other sources.

In Your Area also has an app that you can sign up for.

Noel Rhone, of Towers Avenue, Deane, had been in an altercation with his neighbour, Bolton Crown Court was told.

The defendant was charged with affray in December of last year, which Rhone pleaded guilty to.

The neighbour and Rhone had been keeping up a friendship until last year, the court was told.

Prosecuting, Katie Durham said this coincided with the neighbour getting into a “same sex relationship”, which caused the rupture in the neighbours’ friendship.

She said Rhone had disputes with the neighbour over parking issues, “namely visitors parking in front of or next to his property”, resulting in the neighbour parking down the street.

On December 2, 2025, a visitor parking near Rhone’s address had made him “lose his temper”.

The neighbours were arguing over parking at the time of the incident, when Rhone lunged at her neck and then pushed her, she then kicked him to the ground “in self-defence” and walked off.

Once he got back up, he went inside his property and came back out with a sword, coming towards his neighbour saying “I will chop your head off.”

The sword was likened to a “katana”.

The defendant got into the passenger seat of a van and threatened to chop her head off when he came back.

Defending, Peter Gilmour said the defendant was suffering from emotional issues at the time, including a family member diagnosed with cancer, and the loss of his parents.

Mr Gilmour said that Rhone has grown-up children and grandchildren, as well as being in “good character” for all of his life.

Judge Benjamin Lawrence said Rhone had used an offensive slur against the neighbour and Rhone also said she was the problem.

Judge Lawrence added: “In an argument you shouted, she called you a bully, you lunged at her neck then you pushed her, she feared for her life, and you left a small cut.

“She kicked you to the floor and walked away, and after you picked up a sword and threatened to chop her head off and put her windows through.

“Residents were also present.”

Rhone was sentenced to 14 months suspended for 18 months.

The judge said he handed down a suspended sentence due to Rhone, having a family and of usual good character.

Rhone also has to serve 100 hours of unpaid work, as well pay a fine of £500 to be paid back at £100 a month, as he is receiving a pension.

Judge Lawrence said: “You should not have been here in the first place; do not come back here again.”

Dear Prince George,

The Burning Bush is neither burning nor a bush. In fact, it’s a lamppost outside School Library. Judy’s Passage and Nolan’s Crack aren’t euphemisms, they’re shortcuts to the English and Maths departments.

And The Bill isn’t an inventory of costs – it’s a list of students to be punished by the Deputy Headmaster who goes by the name ‘Lower Man’ and may well give you a ‘Georgic’ – writing out 500 lines of Latin hexameter.

But don’t worry too much because, when you arrive for your first day at Eton College today, along with 250 other 13-year-old boys, this most extraordinary of schools will feel foreign to you all. It doesn’t matter whether you were raised in a castle or a council flat, Eton is a world unto itself.

Of course, things have changed since I joined in 1981. Back then we still had ‘capping’ – a custom which involved boys raising a finger in greeting to schoolmasters outdoors, echoing the tipping of top hats.

But while some things change, so much of Eton has proudly stayed the same. And that’s why the first task of any Etonian is to pass the Colours Test, a forensic examination of a new boy’s knowledge of everything from the names of historic buildings to the 25 house colours, flags and – of course – Eton’s own dictionary.

You’ll soon learn that masters are called ‘beaks’, lessons are ‘divs’, weekends at home are ‘short leave’ and the terms – Michaelmas, Lent and Summer – are called ‘halfs’. Mid-morning snack is ‘chambers’ and the mid-afternoon meal is ‘mess’. The evening assembly is called ‘prayers’ though God doesn’t figure.

College refers only to the house of the 50 or so scholars. Everyone else is an ‘Oppidan’. Agars and Dutchman’s are sports fields. Dry Bobs play sports on firm ground like cricket. Wet Bobs are rowers.

Fourth of June is a major celebration of George III’s birthday but is almost never actually held on June 4. A Keeper is the captain of a sport or club. Pop are prefects. A Reader is when a boy doesn’t have a div. And so it goes on. But don’t worry, because by Long Leave, it’ll all feel perfectly natural. Long Leave is half term.

Etonspeak is a language of its own; you will soon be fluent and it will never leave you.

You will be joining F Block, known as Year 9 to the rest of the country. All being well you will progress up the alphabet each year to B Block. As you come to terms with this new world, lean on the experience of the older boys, especially those in your house – after all, they’ve been through it all themselves. Respect ‘block priority’. The archaic practice of ‘fagging’ in which younger boys acted as servants to older boys, even warming their loo seat, may have been abolished, but F Block is still expected to show reverence to their elders and carry out chores including delivering newspapers and cleaning the B Block common room known as Library.

You will already have had your uniform fitted at one of the three tailors on the High Street: Tom Brown, Billings And Edmonds or New & Lingwood. Never annoy your tailor. They’ll come to your aid when you lose yet another collar stud.

Tourists will take pictures of you in uniform. Not because you’re heir to the throne, but because you’re dressed like a penguin in a black tailcoat and waistcoat, pinstriped trousers and a stiff collar you attach to the shirt with two fiddly studs.

Ascend to a position of authority in your final year and you’ll be able to wear stick-up collars and maybe even a coloured waistcoat and different trousers along with a bow tie, too.

People will mock your uniform. But traditions matter. Not because they are old, but because they connect people who otherwise would never meet. Enjoy them without becoming impressed by them. Wear the uniform. Do not let the uniform wear you. Every boy is assigned a house. There are 25 houses, each with around 50 students, ten in each Block. The House is led by the House Master. Listen and respect him, even when you believe he is wrong. For many years later, you’ll realise he’s seen it all before and was probably right all along.

Keep your bedroom clean or endure the wrath of the Dame, who looks after the pastoral side of the house. Never mistake the Dame’s inquiries for nagging, for when everything feels like it’s going wrong and you miss home, she’ll be the one to comfort you.

Your house is your home. You will do almost everything with those nine other boys in your year, including sports. On which note, try the Wall Game once, a violent rugby scrum against a wall, but beware it is within the rules to scrape your opponent’s face against the brickwork.

Play the Field Game, a cross between rugby and football, not only because it’s enormous fun but because – except for some POW camps during the war – it’s never been played elsewhere.

It doesn’t matter whether you were raised in a castle or a council flat, Eton is a world unto itself

Throw yourself into some of the 80 clubs on offer, known as ‘societies’, which are run by boys and bring in some of the best speakers in the world on topics from sport to politics, theatre, engineering and design. Don’t fail the swimming test in your first week – when new boys are thrown into the pool fully clothed.

If you drown, you will be forbidden from rowing on Dorney Lake, which was used for the 2012 London Olympics.

Tread the boards in the 400-seater Farrer Theatre – where Damian Lewis, Eddie Redmayne and Tom Hiddleston took to the stage as schoolboys – make noise in the professionally kitted-out recording studio and don’t spend too much time in Tap – Eton’s boys-only pub for sixth formers.

Its ancestry stretches back to a Victorian cellar club in which boys were initiated by drinking from a yard glass.

Back in my day, Bulmers, Brew XI and Pils could be combined into something exceptionally fierce, and exceptionally unwise. That particular horror may have disappeared, but its lesson remains: what is permitted and what is sensible are not always the same thing.

Work hard in your ‘divs’ and at least make an effort with Latin and Ancient Greek, for you’ll quickly realise this is where everything else begins. While good work is praised generously, bad work results in a ‘rip’ in which the beak will literally rip your paper in two.

Don’t be late to lessons or you’ll be placed on Tardy, meaning you’ll have to get up early and report to the College Porter, likely missing out on the best of the bacon in the school dining hall, known as Bekynton.

Above all, learn to think for yourself. Read beyond the syllabus. Listen carefully to people with whom you disagree. Beaks at Eton will regularly set homework – known as EW – which has no bearing whatsoever on the GCSE or A-level syllabus. One day you will realise this was the whole point of going to Eton in the first place.

They say the Battle of Waterloo was won on the playing fields of Eton. Whatever battles you face in your life, your ability to meet them will in no small part be defined by what you take from the next five years.

Make friends. Make mistakes. Laugh at yourself and laugh with others. Write home to your mum and dad. They will miss you more than they will ever let on.

Eton began as a place intended to educate poor scholars. Remember that. Being fortunate is not something for which to feel guilty. It is something for which to feel responsible.

And if the collar feels unbearably stiff on the first morning, remember that thousands of boys before you thought exactly the same thing.

Good luck, Will.

Will Nutting is the founder and CEO of Nutstuff, a no-nonsense, investment newsletter read by leading fund managers and investment advisers.