I know he’s a chauvinist, but he does things to me in bed no one else has

Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger.

This week, we hear from Phoebe*, a 29-year-old lawyer living in London, who up until recently has been in a nine-month ‘just sex’ situationship with her colleague, Jared*.

‘I’d just come out of a three-year relationship when things began heating up between Jared and I, but I never thought anything would actually happen between us,’ she says.

‘But now it’s been months of super hot but rough sex, which I love.

‘I’ve asked him to do things to me that I’ve never done with anyone before. He’s even slapped me in bed, which I found such a turn on.’

The problem is, Jared doesn’t want a girlfriend who is as financially successful as Phoebe. He wants to feel like the provider, so he’s told her they can never be in a relationship.

Since then, she’s given him the cold shoulder, but despite having plenty of male attention, no one is scratching the itch that Phoebe has for wild sex.

‘I’m going on dates with really hot and lovely guys, but I spend all my time thinking about Jared,’ she adds.

Without further ado, here’s how Phoebe got on this week…

The following sex diary is, as you might imagine, not safe for work.

Monday

I’m up and in the office by 9am and when I walk in, Jared and I immediately lock eyes.

We’ve been sleeping together for the past nine months after he broke up with his ex. I was actually part of the reason they ended their five year relationship — we kissed on a work trip to LA after months of flirting, and he later left her.

But we haven’t become boyfriend and girlfriend. In fact, I can’t even look at him without feeling conflicted.

I’ve fallen for him, but we’re absolutely not compatible. His views on women are a problem, but I do like how rough and dominant he is in bed. It doesn’t make any sense.

I’ve endeavoured to ignore him for now, after he dismissed my feelings when I said we were more than just a hookup.

I can feel him staring at me all day, but I keep my eyes fixed on my screen. 

I get home late and head to the gym before going to bed.

Tuesday

Again I head into work, but today I’m wearing a tight skirt for after-work drinks, and maybe to torture Jared. Again, I ignore him. All day. 

He sends me a message about a meeting but I write a blunt, no fuss response and he gets the hint. 

Once I clock off, I head to a bar to meet a friend, Ryan. We’ve always been friends, but it’s always had a flirty undertone to it.

He’ll make comments on how good I look and is sometimes quite handsy, it’s pretty obvious that if I wanted to, I could. And tonight, I want to. 

He’s very tall, well built and has an impossibly charming smile, and we laugh over two drinks at the bar, before I suggest getting a bottle and taking it back to mine.

He only lives two streets away from me, so there’s a good chance that if it’s good tonight, this will become a regular hookup. 

Half a bottle in, I hold his gaze and look at his lips, giving him the signal. He’s practiced at this and immediately takes the hint, leaning in and kissing me on the sofa. He’s good, really good, and our breathing gets heavy as he lays me back. 

I’m immediately wet, this has been a long time coming and I can tell in the way he’s devouring me.

He goes down on me right there and it’s not long before I’m close to orgasm. Then he pulls away and takes his t-shirt and jeans off, settling over me and pushing into me. It feels incredible and we go at it for about 10 minutes before I climax. 

He finishes shortly after, and in that moment I’m deeply satisfied. We curl up in bed and while I’m content, I hate that there’s a niggling thought in my mind that Jared would’ve done it better.

Wednesday

I kick Ryan out of my bed early, take a shower and head to work. I feel a little smug at the events of last night and Ryan texts me to say it was as good as he’d hoped it would be, and to message him whenever. 

I’m in some meetings with Jared today and I can tell it’s bugging him that I’ve been radio silent. After all, we’ve spent nine months acting like boyfriend and girlfriend, he even helped me move house and built my furniture. 

The day drags a little but I get home and order food in, watching an episode of Heated Rivalry. I fall asleep but wake up to a buzz from my phone. It’s Jared.

‘Are you giving me the silent treatment?’ 

I ignore it, and drift off again.

Thursday

I’m working from home today and that’s ideal because I have a second date.

He’s a guy I met on Hinge, and to be honest I don’t think he really has any flaws. He’s handsome, pays for everything, plans the dates and takes the initiative — who knew men like this still existed? 

We laugh a lot and he likes how self-sufficient and career driven I am, which is the total opposite of Jared. 

He comes back to mine and we begin making out. It’s not long before I slip my hand into his boxers and he gets hard. We both go down on each other which is great, but as soon as I get on top, he struggles to stay hard. I tell him it’s fine and we switch positions but again, no luck.

Eventually it’s a little awkward and we give in, instead he just stays the night and we cuddle. Hopefully he was just nervous and, if we have date number three, next time it will be better.

Friday

After a long busy day at work, I get a text from Jared. 

He wants to come over. My heart flutters.

Of course he does, he wants sex. But it’s not like we were exclusive or anything.

I leave it and go and see some friends at a cute pub for dinner. My friends ask me why I want a man like Jared, with all of his archaic views. I wish I had the answer.

We laugh a lot and I try to forget my boy troubles, if just for a little while.

Saturday

I’m off to my yoga class this morning, before grabbing brunch with my sister. It’s great to catch up, as she has her own flat now and is all grown up. I’m so proud of her. 

By the time evening rolls around, I’m really missing Jared. I miss the electric connection we have and the intense attraction, coupled with sex that practically makes me forget my own name.

I know I shouldn’t, but I call him. He doesn’t answer but then immediately calls me back. 

He’s out with friends and jokingly reprimands me for ignoring him. He does agree to come over in the next hour though.

He gets in and there’s little to no small talk, my heart beats fast. He grabs my face and we begin making out passionately, as we make our way to the bedroom.

He strips my clothes off and does the same for himself before bending me over and going down on me like I’m all he’s ever needed. I orgasm and barely have time to recover before he flips me over and gets on top of me.

He puts his hands on my throat, gently choking me and I enjoy the heady feeling. Then he spits in my mouth as he thrusts. There’s something about how dominant he is, and how I can give up complete control with him which really turns me on.

It’s rough and hard and then he finishes, and we crumple into a heap, breathing hard.

After a few minutes he leads me into the shower, and we kiss each other as we clean off the incredible sex we’ve just had. Then he makes himself at home in my bed and I fall asleep content.

Sunday

He leaves early to go and meet friends, so I’m left with my own thoughts. I know I shouldn’t have caved last night but I feel on a high now. 

I need to move on and find someone new, it’s not that I even want to find a husband. I just want to find someone who is respectful and where there’s an even power dynamic when it comes to dating.

What I do know is I need to avoid Jared. I spend the day reminding myself that was the last time we will ever have sex, and text Ryan to arrange to see each other next week.

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