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I wish I could say no to children’s birthday parties

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I wish I could say no to children's birthday parties
I’m ready to stage a rebellion (Picture: Kat Storr)

Class birthday parties: a great way for children to have fun on weekends, for parents to get acquainted – and even better when you get a grown-up drink or cake thrown in.

However, after five years of having three children at school, and one fortnight that involved nine parties, I’m ready to stage a rebellion.  

Last year the summer holidays were a welcome break from the WhatsApp party groups and school bag invitations. 

But as it got closer to the new term starting, the parties started to creep back into our diary and I replied ‘Yes’ to all of them because our calendar was looking empty for September. 

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School started, and I only then realised that I’d RSVP’d ‘Yes’ to nine parties in two weeks, more than my husband, Matt, and I go to in one year. 

As parents we are used to being outnumbered by our children (Picture: Kat Storr)

As parents we are used to being outnumbered by our children so ‘divide and conquer’ has become something of a motto. However, working out how to get to and from six parties in one weekend, with one car, was a logistical nightmare. 

For the first time, since having our kids, we had to draw up a spreadsheet of who had to be where, and when, which parent was on duty and if we’d bought a gift yet or not. I thought Matt’s head was going to explode.

During another party-filled Saturday in October I found myself with just a single hour between chauffeuring the kids, to sit down and eat. I held on to the memory of those peaceful 60 minutes when my nervous system was being overstimulated at a wild leisure centre bouncy castle party for two hours later that afternoon.

There’s a level of resentment as well – at not having time to go to a weekend Pilates class, relax at home or choose our own social life. 

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The invitations to whole-class parties started coming in when our oldest son, now nine, started school. There were regularly two or three in a weekend but as it was new to us, we enjoyed seeing him having fun and chatting to parents.

Some families seem to be really good at keeping their weekends for family time, says Kat (Picture: Kat Storr)

Our twin boys, who were born in 2019, are seven and in Year 2 now, and the invitations are still coming in thick and fast. The novelty has worn off. 

Now that they’re older the frequency has gone down, but six parties per month isn’t uncommon. Our kids’ social lives have taken over and we’re just there to escort them and deal with the Haribo crash.

Some families seem to be really good at keeping their weekends for family time or seeing friends who aren’t at the school gates five days a week. 

My friend Chloe* often tells me that they’ve blocked out a weekend for family time, no matter what invitations come their way. 

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But I feel guilty saying no. I worry that my kids will be missing out, or people may stop inviting them to anything, and what my boys should say to their friends about why they weren’t there.

With our family, the twin factor also plays a large part in why we have so many parties. But, I thought they would have died down by Year 2 – or people would keep them small. 

Kat Storr: 9 kids parties in a fortnight: Am I cruel if I start saying no?
With our family, the twin factor also plays a large part in why we have so many parties (Picture: Kat Storr)

Even sharing parties would be easier for everyone rather than organising the same type of party at the same venues on consecutive weekends. But, I can’t start telling people what to do.

When the twins turned six, we let them choose 10 friends each (they’re in different classes) to invite to a party with a magician at a local church hall. It was still a bigger party than we planned but it felt more manageable after hosting two back-to-back whole class parties when they were in Reception, which was a logistical nightmare and completely exhausting. 

How should parents manage children’s party invitations to balance social and family time?

  • Accept all invitations to ensure their kids are socially involved.Check

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  • Limit the number of parties to protect family weekend time.Check

  • Only attend parties with close friends.Check

  • Evaluate each invitation based on how much the children want to attend.Check

My older son is much more understanding than the twins if we ask him to miss a party for a family commitment. And at his age the kids tend to invite three or four friends for an activity or sleepover. I like these kinds of parties as they’re calmer, more fun and less parental involvement (refereeing) is required. 

Part of me does feel bad for complaining. It’s wonderful to see our boys’ friendships blossoming and I’d be sad if they weren’t being invited. Now that the children are older, more parties are drop-offs and we’re lucky that we have friends who are happy to share lifts.

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But I want to spend time with my children on the weekend, too (Picture: Kat Storr)

Plus, our kids get to do some great activities such as Go Ape, ice skating and climbing which we would usually only do as a special treat during the school holidays.  

But I want to spend time with my children on the weekend, too. The time could be used for a trip to a museum or to see non-school friends. The weekdays fly by with school, clubs and activities which means our weekends are precious. 

There are obviously bigger issues to worry about than birthday parties when it comes to parenting. But I want to find a way to take back our weekends and enjoy this precious time with our fast-growing boys who won’t want to spend time with us when they’re teenagers. 

I just need to be brave enough to say no.

*Name is changed

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Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing Ross.Mccafferty@metro.co.uk. 

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Strictly’s Nadiya Bychkova says this isn’t the end amid exit

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Strictly's Nadiya Bychkova says this isn't the end amid exit

It comes just days after Karen Hauer, the programme’s longest-serving female member of 14 years, announced she was also leaving, following in the footsteps of hosts Tess Daly and Claudia Winkleman.

However, although Nadiya’s time as a professional dancer has come to an end, the 36-year-old has teased that her Strictly journey is “evolving” and this “isn’t the end”.

Strictly’s Nadiya Bychkova breaks silence on exit after nearly a decade

In a post on Instagram, she told her followers: “After 9 wonderful years, this part of my journey with Strictly Come Dancing is evolving.

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“There is something truly special about being part of a programme that plays such a big part in so many people’s lives and I want to thank all those who have sent beautiful messages over the last few weeks and those who have voted, shouted, supported, celebrated and cheered during every series.

“I also want to take a moment to appreciate all those who have helped me along the way: my partners, my fellow professionals, the judges and brilliant people behind the scenes.

“I joined the show as an athlete and a double world champion. Along the way I have learned so much about myself and other people. I have grown, not only professionally, but personally and creatively.

“Strictly has allowed me to discover new sides of myself, develop new skills, and evolve as an artist in ways I will always be grateful for.”

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Nadiya added: “This isn’t the end… I look forward to being part of the Strictly world for many years to come in ways I am beginning to explore.

“I’ve changed a lot since I first stepped onto that dance floor, not just as a performer, but as a person and I can honestly say I’ve never felt more like myself.

“I’m excited to have time to focus on new projects, and to spend more precious time with my beautiful daughter. Life feels full of possibilities.

“I danced before Strictly, I loved dancing on the show and I plan to keep dancing for many years to come.

“Thank you for all the love and support along the way.”

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Fellow Strictly star Johannes Radebe commented: “YOU are elegance personified.”

Karen added: “You are wonderful.”

In a statement, Strictly shared on social media: “We would like to say a huge thank you to Nadiya Bychkova for her incredible contribution to Strictly Come Dancing.

“Since joining the show nine years ago, Nadiya has brought elegance, artistry, and unwavering dedication to the ballroom, and she will always remain a cherished member of the Strictly family.

“Over the years, Nadiya has delivered countless memorable performances, showcasing not only her exceptional talents as a dancer and choreographer but also her brilliance as a teacher to all her celebrity partners.

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“A consummate professional, Nadiya embodies the very best of what Strictly stands for.

“We are deeply grateful for everything she has given to the show and wish her every success for the future.”

Other Strictly professional dancers reported to have left the show in recent weeks include Gorka Marquez, Luba Mushtuk and Michelle Tsiakkas.

Will you miss Nadiya as a professional dancer on Strictly? Let us know in the comments below.

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William and Kate attend enthronement of first female Archbishop of Canterbury

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William and Kate attend enthronement of first female Archbishop of Canterbury

William and Kate, who had no active role in the ceremony, listened to the first sermon by the new Archbishop, in which she spoke of her hopes for peace in the Middle East, and acknowledged failures on safeguarding in the church, referencing “victims and survivors” and the “pain experienced” by those harmed by “actions, inactions, and failures of those in our own Christian churches and communities”.

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York and Scarborough NHS spends ‘staggering’ amount on stamps

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York and Scarborough NHS spends 'staggering' amount on stamps

​Savings of up to £300,000 from cutting first class mail could be made by the York and Scarborough Teaching Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust as part of a multimillion-pound cost-cutting programme that is currently underway.

​Bosses at the health trust have been told that “much of the post that leaves the organisation doesn’t need to be first class” as part of a move to digital communication and second class mail.

​The NHS trust has a revised forecast deficit of £28.5 million, with £5.1 million of savings planned for the fourth quarter of the financial year.

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​A report on ‘corporate expenditure cessation programme’ that was presented to the trust’s board on Wednesday, March 25, stated that cutting first class post could save £300,000.

​A first class stamp currently costs £1.70 but is set to rise to £1.80 in April. At current prices, around 170,000 stamps could be bought for £300,000.

Royal Mail executives are currently under scrutiny over letter delivery performance and improvement plans.

​Andrew Bertram, finance director and deputy chief executive, said: “It is phenomenal in terms of what goes out.

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​“It’s not just clinic appointments, but lots of information, results, copied letters to GPs, multiple letters for individual patients.

​“There’s a lot of correspondence within the organisation.

​“It absolutely is the case now that we have raised the awareness of the spend, and we’ve challenged the need for first class post.

​“It absolutely is the case that much of what leaves the organisation doesn’t need to be first class, and working with the care group, significant changes have been made.”

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​The amount spent by the trust on second class mail was not revealed at the meeting.

​The Government wants the NHS App to become the go-to method of communication between the health system and patients, avoiding the need for “at least 50 million costly letters to go through the postal system”.

​Last year, Health and Social Care Secretary Wes Streeting said: “The NHS still spends hundreds of millions of pounds on stamps, printing and envelopes. By modernising the health service, we can free up huge amounts of funding to reinvest in the frontline.

​“Through the investment and reform in our Plan for Change, we will make the NHS App the front door to the health service and put power in the hands of patients.”

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​However, bosses at the York and Scarborough NHS Trust said they would not implement a “blanket” move to digital communication as many patients still rely on physical mail.

​Clare Smith, chief executive, said: “There is also a cohort of our patients who choose not to engage with us digitally or don’t wish to engage with us digitally.

​“What we’ll take away is to review this further, to understand what our opportunities are, because we’ve got a massive challenge ahead of us next year.

“What we can’t do is to have a blanket move to electronic, because we will end up with digital exclusion of some of our population, and we just need to be mindful of that as we work through this.”

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Fans are just discovering the unexpected Coronation Street icon in Hannah Montana | Soaps

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Fans are just discovering the unexpected Coronation Street icon in Hannah Montana | Soaps
Miley’s got a mystery mate in Weatherfield (Picture: Reuters)

If I told you that one Coronation Street resident had a surprise connection to Miley Cyrus, you’d probably think I’d had one too many pints in the Rovers’ Return.

However, a Weatherfield legend did indeed star alongside the singer, songwriter in actress in the Hannah Montana movie – and fans are losing their minds.

The classic Disney series first launched back in 2006 and ran for four seasons, following the life of teenager Miley Stewart (Miley Cyrus) who had a secret alter-ego; the international pop megastar Hannah Montana.

Twenty years later, Disney recently unveiled a 20th anniversary special starring Miley, including live musical performances and a candid interview with Miley reflecting on the Hannah Montana phenomenon.

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Amazingly, it has recently emerged that a classic Cobbles character was sharing the big screen with the Party In The USA singer long before they were scarfing down a bacon barm in Roy’s Rolls.

Of all the Weatherfield residents past and president, the very last person you’d imagine kicking it with Miley is Brian Packham, the loveably eccentric former headmaster turned proprietor of the Kabin.

FROM ITV STRICT EMBARGO - No Use Before Tuesday 28th March 2023 Coronation Street - Ep 1092021 Wednesday 5th April 2023 Brian Packham [PETER GUNN] tells Mary Taylor [PATTI CLARE] about his plans to visit Isabella in Napoli and how he needs her help. Mary assumes he???d like her to accompany him and confirms that she???d be delighted. Picture contact - David.crook@itv.com Photographer - Danielle Baguley This photograph is (C) ITV and can only be reproduced for editorial purposes directly in connection with the programme or event mentioned above, or ITV plc. This photograph must not be manipulated [excluding basic cropping] in a manner which alters the visual appearance of the person photographed deemed detrimental or inappropriate by ITV plc Picture Desk. This photograph must not be syndicated to any other company, publication or website, or permanently archived, without the express written permission of ITV Picture Desk. Full Terms and conditions are available on the website www.itv.com/presscentre/itvpictures/terms
Brian is a secret part of the Montanaverse (Picture: ITV)

Peter Gunn – who has played Brian since 2010 – portrayed journalist Oswald Granger in the Hannah Montana film, which earned over $150 million in cinemas worldwide.

His character was a scoop-hungry newshound obsessed with uncovering a story about Hannah Montana, ultimately tracking the diva to her home town and uncovering her shocking secret – that she was simply schoolgirl Miley Stewart in a blonde wig.

Reflecting on his role in the Hannah Montana film, Peter talked about his experiences on the Sofa Cinema Club podcast, hosted by fellow Corrie stars Colson Smith, Jack P. Shepherd, and Ben Price.

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‘The weird thing is that I didn’t know who Miley Cyrus was when I was up for the part’ Peter admitted. ‘I can remember asking my eight-year-old son, ‘Have you heard of this Miley Cyrus?’”

Peter Gunn in Hannah Montana Movie
Peter played journalist Oswald Granger in the Hannah Montana Movie. (Picture: Disney)

His character was determined to uncover an exclusive story about pop icon Hannah, portrayed by Miley Cyrus. He ultimately tracked her to her home town and uncovered her enormous secret – that she was simply schoolgirl Miley Stewart disguised in a blonde wig.

Hollywood is a long way from Weatherfield, and Peter reflected on how it took some time to get used to the sheer scale of the production. “We’re in Nashville, which is her hometown, and I’m thinking ‘yeah, she’s a Nashville girl, so she’s going to be popular.’

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Peter Gunn in Hannah Montana Movie
You’re a long way from the Rovers, Brian. (Picture: Disney)

“But then the first week I’m there, in the evening I’m in the hotel room and put the television on and there’s a discussion about what Miley’s done that day. I thought why are they discussing that? Because they did every day.”

‘This was on the local news, and I’m thinking, ‘Flipping hell, she is big isn’t she?’ And then you realise as we’re going around wherever we go, she has security, people just go absolutely berserk.’

But Miley wasn’t the only pop sensation that Peter got pally with onscreen. Global pop sensation Taylor Swift also made a cameo in the film, and Peter recalls the chats they had between scenes.

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“She was on tour and she turned up when we were filming and remember being sat on the makeup bus and she sat next to me and went, ‘Hi, I’m Taylor, and we were just having a chit chat.’ She was telling me about the tour and how she’s come to help Miley.”

Brian Packham first turned up on the Cobbles as a victim of identity theft courtesy of the most hapless serial killer in Soap history, John Stape, who had been using the name of a colleague to teach. Sticking around, Brian has become one of the most colourful and beloved characters on the Cobbles – and the fact that he’s part of the Hannah Montana legacy is sure to make fans love him even more.

Diehard Corrie viewers took to Facebook to express their shock and delight over Brian’s unlikely link to Miley. “Curious is this Brian that works in The Kabin in The Hannah Montana Movie,” Someone else responded: “Omg it is.” A third remarked: “All this time and I had no idea.” Another exclaimed: “Didn’t expect that!”

Miley Cyrus, if you’re reading this, one good turn deserves another. We need a Hannah Montana cameo on the Cobbles. Maybe her tour bus breaks down outside the Rovers and she comes in like a Wrecking Ball?

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If you’ve got a soap or TV story, video or pictures get in touch by emailing us soaps@metro.co.uk – we’d love to hear from you.

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Family fury as dead students were tested for drink and drugs – but their killer was not

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Daily Mirror

Students Grace O’Malley-Kumar and Barnaby Webber were killed by Valdo Calocane in Nottingham on June 13, 2023. He also stabbed caretaker Ian Coates, 65, more than an hour later.

TWO students fatally stabbed by a paranoid schizophrenic were tested for alcohol and drugs after they died – but their killer Valdo Calocane was not.

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Grace O’Malley-Kumar and Barnaby Webber, both 19, were killed by Calocane in Nottingham on June 13, 2023. He also stabbed caretaker Ian Coates, 65, more than an hour later.

After stealing Mr Coates’ van, Calocane ran over and seriously injured three pedestrians. Calocane admitted manslaughter and attempted murder and was indefinitely detained at a high-security hospital on the grounds of diminished responsibility in January 2024.

READ MORE: “I don’t know how the police could sleep at night”: son of Nottingham attack victimREAD MORE: Nottingham attacks: Victim’s body kept at crime scene for 15 hours, inquiry hears

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Grace’s father, Sanjoy Kumar, told an inquiry into their deaths he felt it was “disgusting” that they had been tested.

He said they were told to sign human tissue forms – forms he had never seen himself as a GP and a forensic medical examiner with the Metropolitan Police – otherwise their daughter’s body would not be released to them.

Dr Kumar said: “You had to sign them, but what was not highlighted was that this is a point in time where you are also signing to say that samples could be taken. That was absolutely not pointed out.

“They took samples from our children to test for drugs and alcohol. I was really struck by that being really quite disgusting.

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“Our children were tested, but the culprit wasn’t and from there on in, in terms of previous interactions and mental health, that was not made into a big thing at all, that was a flyaway comment.”

Dr Kumar said he found it “shocking” that police notes mentioning a “very minor” assault by Calocane on a police officer two years before the fatal attacks did not reflect how serious the incident was.

He told the inquiry: “When a police officer sustains a punch to the face where you have a haematoma, that is the definition of an ABH injury.

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“You have senior police officers coming to the inquiry saying it was a minor offence – I feel very strongly about that. It is unacceptable to strike a police officer in my view.

“To downplay their injuries and not even know the classification of their injuries, is, for someone in that position, really quite despicable.”

Dr Kumar also said he was “dissatisfied” the killer’s mental health at the time of the Nottingham attacks had not been properly examined.

He told the inquiry: “I vociferously complained about the fact that this person’s mental health had not been looked at properly on the day. I was totally dissatisfied that a 360-degree view had been taken.”

He added: “This is a person who, I was told, had been arrested on Tuesday and had been there (in custody) on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and went to magistrates’ court on a Saturday.

“And none of those officers had complained about seeing someone who’s acutely mentally unwell. That is enormously, enormously unusual.”

Dr Kumar said he believes his previous experience as a forensic medical examiner affected what information the police told him.

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He said: “My belief on reflection is that I think detectives… knew what I did, what I had done, what my experience was, and I think there was possibly a strategy not to tell me things, because at every point I was being told things, I was questioning things.”

He added: “At each point we are having to cling on to little things and extract as much information as we can because really at every point we are not being given information.”

He also said he “just couldn’t understand” why a hair sample was not taken while Calocane was in custody, adding: “It may have proved nothing but it may have proved everything.”

Dr Kumar said a hair sample did not require Calocane’s consent: “If you’re a detective of any description at all, and I think every detective watching this is going to agree, if you are here to detect crime, that means forensics is really important.

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“And a basic part of that forensics is head hair. It may have proved nothing but it may have proved everything. The point is that it wasn’t done and it wasn’t taken, and I just couldn’t understand that.”

The inquiry continues.

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Cambs woman, 28, punched, kicked, and stamped on victim after demanding money

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Cambridgeshire Live

The victim suffered swelling, bruising, and hair loss

A 28-year-old woman punched, kicked, and stamped on another woman while demanding money. Natalie Renton, 28, approached the victim, asking for a lighter, in the morning of January 30 in a car park near Maskew Avenue in Peterborough.

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The victim, a woman in her 30s, told Renton that she did not have one. But Renton became aggressive and verbally abusive before punching the victim, dragging her to the ground by her hair, and repeatedly kicking and stamping on her face.

Renton, of Bushfield Court, Orton Goldhay, Peterborough, demanded money throughout the attack, but none was handed over. The victim suffered swelling, bruising, and hair loss, and was treated in hospital. Renton fled the scene but was arrested shortly after in Lincoln Road, Millfield.

Renton appeared at Huntingdon Law Courts on Monday, March 23, and was sentenced to 32 months in prison after pleading guilty to assault with intent to commit robbery. The court also imposed a restraining order until 2030, ordering Renton to not approach the victim or attempt to contact her directly or indirectly.

Detective Constable Tisha Morris, who investigated, said: “This was a completely unprovoked attack, with a clear financial motive, which has had a significant impact on the victim, both physically and mentally.

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“I hope this result gives the victim some closure in the knowledge that justice has been done.”

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Jadon Sancho’s Manchester United exit will sum his Old Trafford career

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Manchester Evening News

Manchester United are set to see Jadon Sancho leave on a free transfer this summer

In the summer of 2021, Jadon Sancho was supposed to be Manchester United’s marquee signing, the recruit to catapult Ole Gunnar Solskjaer’s side from second place to the title. United had spent years chasing him before finally agreeing a £72.9 million fee to bring him back to Manchester – only this time in red.

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It was July 23 when Sancho stood in front of United cameras, arms outstretched, stating: “This is my club. This is where I belong.”

Everything that followed told a tale of almost the opposite. Just over a month later, Cristiano Ronaldo strutted through Carrington’s front doors. Debate surfaces to this day as to whether it was a decision that threw Solskjaer’s plans wayward; but suddenly United’s shiny new toy from Dortmund was not the hot topic at Old Trafford anymore.

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At the time, Sancho was unique in the sense that he was an English player adapting to the English league. At just 21 years old, he had the time and the evidence suggesting he could after three astonishing years in Germany – but his new environment became a whirlwind soap opera. One of the hardest parts about joining United is the attention combined with the pressure of previous success, and Sancho became one of many who suffered.

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Since signing five years ago, Sancho has been back on loan to Dortmund, where he only managed two goals and two assists in 14 Bundesliga games; on loan to Chelsea where the West London club opted to pay £5 million not to sign him; and is now at Aston Villa.

He is set to leave United as a free agent in the summer and Dortmund are among the teams being linked with him. The England international has started to find some recent form in the Midlands. With two assists in his last two games and impressive performances to accompany them, the loanee has played a key role in revitalising Villa after a rough patch. Unai Emery might begin looking at him as a permanent option.

None of that will help United earn any sale return on their investment. Sancho’s spell at United has been a disaster, leaving on a free transfer would just sum that up.

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Canada PM ‘extremely disappointed’ by CEO’s message after plane crash

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Evening Headlines

Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney took aim at Air Canada CEO’s Wednesday, accusing him of showing a lack of compassion and judgement in his condolences after Sunday’s deadly crash in New York.

Air Canada CEO Michael Rousseau has been summoned to testify at Parliament’s official languages committee after he shared a four-minute condolence video online that only included two French words: “bonjour” and “merci.”

Antoine Forest, one of the two pilots killed in the crash at LaGuardia airport, was a French-speaking Quebecer.

Forest and Mackenzie Gunther died when the Air Canada Jazz flight they were landing at LaGuardia collided with a fire truck on the runway Sunday evening.

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Air Canada is headquartered in Montreal, Quebec, where French is the primary language. Rousseau has been criticized for not speaking French previously. He delivered his condolence video message in English, with French subtitles.

Carney said Canadian officials continue to work in close collaboration with their American counterparts to determine how this crash happened
Carney said Canadian officials continue to work in close collaboration with their American counterparts to determine how this crash happened (Getty Images)

“We proudly live in a bilingual country. There are two official languages here and Air Canada has a special responsibility whatever the situation to communicate whatever the situation in both official languages,” Carney said.

“I am extremely disappointed by the message released by the CEO of Air Canada. It shows a lack of compassion, and we will be closely following his comments before the official languages committee as well as the comments coming from the board of Air Canada.”

Quebec’s identity has been contentious since the 1760s when the British completed their takeover of what was then called New France. Quebec is about 80% French-speaking.

A spokesperson for Air Canada didn’t immediately respond to a message seeking comment.

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The Office of the Commissioner of Official Languages has received hundreds of complaints about Rousseau’s video.

“I don’t want to make political hay over what remains a tragedy with people still in hospital, but this isn’t the first time that he’s been told to speak French and he should know better,” said Marc Miller, the Minister of Canadian Identity and Culture.

Industry Minister Mélanie Joly said a lot of the victims and their families are francophones and said Rousseau’s video lacked empathy. “It is a question of moral leadership,” Joly said.

Carney said Canadian officials continue to work in close collaboration with their American counterparts to determine how this crash happened.

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Donald Trump’s ‘new’ 15-point plan is the biggest sign yet that Washington fears it is losing this war

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Donald Trump’s ‘new’ 15-point plan is the biggest sign yet that Washington fears it is losing this war

The language of power often reveals more than it intends. In a rare moment of candour on March 7, the US president, Donald Trump, described the confrontation with Iran as “a big chess game at a very high level … I’m dealing with very smart players … high-level intellect. High, very high-IQ people.”

If Iran is, by Trump’s own admission, a “high-level” opponent, then the sudden revival of a 15-point plan previously rejected by Iran a year ago suggests a disconnect between how the adversary is understood and how it is being approached. It’s a plan already examined in negotiation by Iran and dismissed as unrealistic and coercive. Despite this, the Trump administration is once again framing the “roadmap” as a pathway to de-escalation. Tehran has once again dismissed the gambit as Washington “negotiating with itself – reinforcing the perception that the US is attempting to impose terms rather than negotiate them.

The US president is right about one thing – Iran is not an opponent that can be easily dismissed or overwhelmed. Trump’s own description is a tacit acknowledgement that this is a far more capable and complex adversary than those the US has faced in past Middle Eastern wars, such as Iraq. And that is why the odds are increasingly stacked against the United States and Israel.

This conflict reflects a familiar but flawed imperial assumption: that overwhelming military force can compensate for strategic misunderstanding. The US and Israel appear to have misjudged not only Iran’s capabilities, but the political, economic and historical terrain on which this war is being fought.

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Unlike Iraq, Iran is a deeply embedded and adaptable regional power. It has resilient institutions, networks of influence, and the capacity to impose asymmetric costs across multiple theatres. It knows how to manage maximum pressure.

The most immediate problem is lack of legitimacy. This war has authorisation from neither the United Nations or, in the case of America, the US Congress. Further, US intelligence assessments indicate Iran was not rebuilding its nuclear programme following earlier strikes – contradicting one of Washington’s justifications for war. The resignation of Joe Kent as head of the National Counterterrorism Center on March 17, was even more revealing. In his resignation letter Kent insisted that Iran posed no imminent threat.

This effectively collapses one of the original narratives underpinning the US decision to start the war – a further blow to legitimacy.




À lire aussi :
Iran war lacks strategy, goals, legitimacy and support – in the US and around the world

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A majority of Americans oppose the war, reflecting deep fatigue after Iraq and Afghanistan – hardly ideal conditions for what increasingly looks like another “forever war” in the Middle East. Current polling shows Trump’s Republicans trailing the Democrats ahead of the all-important midterm elections in November.

The war is both militarily uncertain and politically unsustainable. International allied support is also eroding. The United Kingdom — often trumpeted as Washington’s closest partner — has limited itself to defensive coordination, while Germany and France have distanced themselves from offensive operations. European allies also declined a US request to deploy naval forces to secure the strait of Hormuz. This reflects not just disagreement, but a deeper loss of trust in US leadership and strategic judgement.

US influence has long depended on legitimacy as much as force. That reservoir is now rapidly draining. Global confidence is falling, while images of civilian casualties — including over 160 schoolchildren killed in an airstrike on the first day of the war – have shocked international onlookers. Rather than reinforcing leadership, this war is accelerating its erosion.

Israel faces a parallel crisis of legitimacy – one that began in Gaza and has now deepened. The war in Gaza severely damaged its global standing, with sustained civilian casualties and humanitarian devastation drawing unprecedented criticism, even among traditional allies. This confrontation with Iran compounds that decline.

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Striking Iran during active negotiations — for the second time — reinforces the perception that escalation is preferred over diplomacy. The issue is no longer just conduct, but credibility.

Strategic failure, narrative defeat

The conduct of the war compounds the problem. The assassinations of Iranian leaders, framed as tactical victories, are strategic failures. They have unified rather than destabilised Iran. Mass pro-regime demonstrations illustrate how external aggression can consolidate internal legitimacy.

The assassination of the supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, and other senior Iranian leaders has not produced the desired effect as many Iranians rally around the flag.
AP Photo/Vahid Salemi

The issue is no longer just the conduct of the war, but the credibility of the conflict itself. Regardless of how impressive the US and Israeli military are, it doesn’t compensate for reputational collapse. When building support for a conflict like this – domestically and internationally – legitimacy is a strategic asset. Once eroded across multiple conflicts, it is extraordinarily difficult to rebuild.

Rather than stabilising the system, US actions are fragmenting it. Allies are distancing themselves, adversaries are adapting, and neutral states are hedging.

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The most decisive factor may be economic. The war is already destabilising global markets – driving up oil prices, inflation, and volatility at levels that combine the effects of 1970s and Ukraine war oil shocks.

This is a war that cannot be contained geographically nor economically. The deployment of 2,500 US marines to the Middle East (and reports that up to another 3,000 paratroopers will also be sent), reportedly with plans to secure Kharg Island – and with it Iran’s most important oil infrastructure – would be a dangerous escalation.

For Gulf states, the assumption that the US can guarantee security is increasingly questioned. Some states are reportedly now looking to diversify their partnerships and turning toward China and Russia, mirroring post-Iraq shifts, when US failure opened space for alternative powers.

Iran holds the cards

Wars are not won by destroying capabilities alone, but by securing sustainable and legitimate political outcomes. On both counts, the US and Israel are falling short.

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Iran, by contrast, does not need military victory. It only needs to endure, impose costs, and outlast its adversaries. This is the logic of asymmetric conflict: the weaker power wins by not losing, while the stronger one loses when the costs of continuing become unsustainable.

This dynamic is already visible. Having escalated rapidly, Trump now appears to be searching for an off-ramp — reviving proposals and signalling openness to negotiation. But he is doing so from a position of diminishing leverage. In contrast, Iran’s ability to threaten energy flows, absorb pressure, and shape the tempo of escalation means it increasingly holds key strategic cards. The longer the war continues, the more that balance tilts.

Empires rarely recognise when they begin to lose. They escalate, double down, and insist victory is near. But by the time the costs become undeniable – economic crisis, political fragmentation, global isolation – it is already too late. The US and Israel may win battles. But they may be losing the war that matters: legitimacy, stability and long-term influence.

And, as history suggests, that loss may not only define the limits of their power, but mark a broader shift in how power itself is judged, constrained, and resisted.

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North Yorkshire Council has made 38 unreasonable decisions

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North Yorkshire Council has made 38 unreasonable decisions

Since 2019, inspectors ruled that the authority had made unreasonable decisions on 38 occasions — the second-highest number in the country, an investigation found.

The “unreasonable” ruling by the Planning Inspectorate is taken when it overturns a decision made by a council and awards costs to the appellant because an authority fails to follow planning policy, imposes unreasonable conditions, or it wastes time or money.

The  investigation by Sky News found that only Cornwall Council had made more unreasonable decisions  since 2019 than North Yorkshire.

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Earlier this year, inspectors ruled against North Yorkshire Council after it rejected plans for up to 200 homes in Peasey Hills, Malton.

The inspector concluded: “The council’s protracted catalogue of failings amounts to unreasonable behaviour that has caused the appellant unnecessary or wasted expense in respect of pursuing the appeal.”

Last year, the council’s actions were again deemed unreasonable when it refused listed building consent for a new access gate and drive at St Trinian’s Hall, in Richmond.

In response to the figures, North Yorkshire Council’s head of development management, Martin Grainger, said the authority would continue to support “positive development across the county, where appropriate”.

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He added: “This is evidenced by the number of positive decisions we have issued on planning applications, which exceeds the national average for similar English unitary authorities.

“The figures quoted in this report must be viewed in context. As the country’s largest geographical council, we handle more planning applications than most authorities.

“In 2024/25 alone, we made decisions on about 4,700 applications – compared with the national average of 1,365 for other English unitary authorities.

“Replicated over seven years, that level of demand would equate to more than 32,000 applications – meaning the ‘unreasonable decisions’ quoted represents just 0.1 per cent of all cases we deal with.”

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Mr Grainger said the figures quoted spanned a seven-year period and pre-dated local government reorganisation and the launch of North Yorkshire Council in April 2023.

The investigation has been published as North Yorkshire Council comes under increasing pressure to meet government targets for new housing.

Senior councillors have criticised a target of around 4,200 new homes a year — up from 1,384 — which they say puts unprecedented pressure on rural land in the county.

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