Kemi Badenoch chose a Victorian drill hall in London for her defence-spending speech. ‘Conflict is coming and we must act now,’ murmured the Tory leader in her snooker commentator voice.
Imagine the late Ted Lowe whispering ‘welcome to the apocalypse’ and you will have the idea. A savage message, delivered on a velvet cushion.
She presented war with Russia as an inevitability. This was not, she said, the plot of ‘a Tom Cruise movie’. It was ‘real and it is happening now’, although at present it was merely a ‘hybrid’ war. Worse could soon ensue.
We were at London Scottish House, a listed building on Westminster’s Horseferry Road, almost opposite Channel 4 (hostile agents). Some 200 Conservatives had filled a venue that was lined by London Scottish Rifles war memorials and paintings of long-dead martial gents, some with fabulous moustaches. Plaques listed battles such as Vimy Ridge, Anzio, Loos, Primosole Bridge. ‘Strike Sure’ barked the motto on a regimental shield.
Mrs Badenoch stood in front of a long list of Rifles who died in the First World War – Johnstones, Kerrs, a Private Macbeth, a Corporal Haggis. Even the date, Sept 3, gnawed at one’s thoughts, this being the day in 1939 that war was declared on Germany. My mother’s life was never the same after that. War is not just about soldiers’ deaths. It throws childhood in the air and leaves emotional scars that last decades. Bloody Hitler.
The Conservatives had completed their sums, said Mrs B, and they now had a clear idea of how to push defence spending to 3 per cent of gross domestic product. This would be achieved by cutting welfare handouts, specifically housing benefits and the Motability cars scheme that has been so nakedly abused. You could say Motability took us for a ride. Mrs Badenoch recalled a story of people claiming a free car because they had tennis elbow.
Kemi Badenoch said we cannot properly defend ourselves by merely capping bus fares
She delivered her speech on defence at London Scottish House, which was filled with plaques
Proceedings had been opened by the new Shadow Chancellor, Andrew Griffith. He is a slightly twitchy fellow. The eyes keep bulging. High-energy, mind you. He told the gathering that he had enlisted in the party ranks at the age of 14. Tributes were uttered to his predecessor, Sir Mel Stride, making it sound as if poor old Uncle Melvyn had taken a direct hit from a Hun howitzer rather than having merely been given the sack after an honourable run.
Mr Griffith’s contribution was mercifully short and Kemi came purring to the oche to predict the Third World War. ‘National security doesn’t just happen,’ she said. ‘We have to pay for it.’ And look at what our allies were doing: Poland was expanding its army to 300,000 troops, the Germans were aiming for 3.5 per cent on defence spending by 2035 and the Greeks were already there, which may be why their warships were able to get to Cyprus during the recent Middle East crisis while the Royal Navy was still loading baked beans on to the destroyer ‘Dragon’ in Portsmouth.
‘We cannot defend ourselves by capping bus fares,’ averred Mrs Badenoch. ‘If you want peace, you prepare for war.’ V. Putin was hardly going to wait to attack us until Labour had its spending plans ready. ‘Let’s get real and fund defence. Having more mayors is not going to save our country.’
Then the impis appeared on the horizon, shaking their spears. One refers, naturally, to media colleagues. Why had recent Tory prime ministers not done more for defence? Mrs Badenoch said she was in charge now. Why hadn’t they cut welfare? Mrs Badenoch said they did.
A partisan from the BBC had a long old moan. Kemi bit his head off. A bluestocking from the Financial Times said something vaguely pinko but did so in such Zuleika Dobson tones, I quite forgot to listen to her question. Mrs B replied with even greater social poise. Fight posh with poshness. It is a theory of deterrence long understood in drawing rooms of the gentry by bellicose old trouts.



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