The Best Way To Support Teens During Exam Season

A family psychotherapist is urging parents to ask their kids a simple question to offer them tailored support this exam season.

Against a backdrop of exam stress and panic prompting hundreds of children to call Childline; therapist Fiona Yassin tells HuffPost UK that parents often think they should have all the answers to their child’s problems – “but during exam periods, that instinct can sometimes add to a teenager’s stress rather than reduce it”.

The founder and clinical director of The Wave Clinic says: “Parents may unintentionally place too much focus on outcomes, constantly ask about revision, compare siblings or peers, or move too quickly into advice-giving before really understanding how their child is feeling.

“It’s important to remember that teenagers are already under enormous pressure with the academic, social and emotional challenges that this life stage can bring.”

The most powerful question parents can ask during this time is “What do you need from me?”, she suggests, because it shifts the dynamic from control to collaboration.

“Instead of assuming what a teenager needs, parents are inviting them into the problem-solving process, and that immediately gives young people a greater sense of agency and autonomy,” she explains.

Teens are at a developmental stage where they’re trying to build independence and confidence in their own decision-making.

So, when a parent moves straight into fixing, lecturing or problem-solving (even with the best of intentions), Yassin notes it can unintentionally communicate the message of “I don’t think you can handle this”.

“Asking what they need instead sends the opposite message – ‘I trust you, and I’m here beside you’,” she says.

A few points, really. Asking this can help regulate stress “because feeling heard and understood can help to calm the nervous system”.

“In times of anxiety and uncertainty, young people don’t necessarily want, or benefit from, solutions. Sometimes the answer might be to help create a revision schedule, but other times it might simply be to hold a safe space, [offer] gentle encouragement, or a break from revision altogether,” she explains.

This kind of collaborative approach can also help to strengthen communication between the two of you in the long-run.

“Teenagers are far more likely to open up on the big things when they feel their voice matters and their feelings are being respected on the smaller things,” adds the therapist.

Teenagers are going to feel stressed during this time – it’s only natural. But there are plenty of things we, as parents, can be doing to support.

Yassin advises shifting your focus from performance to emotional connection. “It’s a small change that can make a significant difference to how a teenager feels during this time,” she says.

“Try to create regular opportunities for low-pressure conversations that aren’t solely about revision or grades. Car journeys, meal times or walks can feel less intense than formal sit-down conversations.

“As a general rule for parents, it’s important to listen more than we speak, because teenagers are often more likely to open up when they don’t feel interrupted, corrected or immediately advised.”

It can also help to validate their emotions – saying something like “I can see this feels really stressful for you” can help kids feel understood rather than judged.

And make sure your child or teen knows their worth isn’t defined by exam results, advises the therapist.

“When parents consistently communicate unconditional support, teenagers often feel safer, calmer and more able to cope with pressure,” she explains.

“Watch your language around success and failure, and avoid framing exams as ‘make or break’. Reinforce that there are multiple pathways and opportunities beyond these exams.”

Supporting them to maintain healthy routines around sleep, movement, nutrition and downtime can also help during this tricky period.