Hoping to repeat Bucks Fizz’s heroics in Dublin is this year’s UK entrant Look Mum No Computer, real name Sam Battle, with his song Eins, Zwei, Drei, who will perform in Saturday’s grand final at the Wiener Stadthalle in Vienna, Austria, having appeared in Thursday’s semi-final.

On May 18, Venus (the planet of love and pleasure) moves into Cancer (the sign of emotions and intimacy), so expect your love life to intensify.

It’s time to feel all the feelings, let them surface, be vulnerable, express yourself honestly, and seek to build bonds that can’t be broken. Vulnerable, open dialogue is the currency of relationship building and should be your priority with those you wish to build relationships with.

No time for games or hide and seek. Show up, be present, talk openly, ask for clarity. Let your heart lead you. Even if all goes awry, you can say you were truthful and you found out exactly where you stood.

Let’s see what you need to acknowledge and express using the unique forecasting system from my Zodiac Love Match deck to give you a full and frank love forecast covering what you need to know.

Looking for deeper insight about your love life? My wonderful new Zodiac Love Match oracle deck has a unique colour-coded system to help you create insightful, full love readings whatever your situation.

Or, come join my magical, mystical tarot club, free for a whole month when you sign up using this link.

Aries

March 21 to April 20

Tarot cards for Aries for Venus in Cancer: Libra, Set A Deadline, Abundance

Meaning: You deserve a full, active, mutually loving and supportive love life. If that is not what is being served… then get up and leave the table. You have been dealing with the hot and cold treatment for a while, and the inconsistency is unsettling and makes you feel insecure. It plays on your fears. And it’s not about you, actually, it’s about them.

Set a deadline for yourself. Be objective about the treatment (not words) you’ve received and ask if you would do the same to them (the answer will be ‘no’). You need abundance in your relationships, someone who is equally high energy and passionate and ready to give their all across all areas of life. Half-hearted, on/off, inconsistent situations are not right for you. It’s time to reconsider.

Head here for everything you need to know about being an Aries

Taurus

April 21 to May 21

Tarot cards for Taurus for Venus in Cancer: Cancer, Trust Your Heart, Temptation

Meaning: Commitment is extremely important to you in your love life because you crave certainty and stability. And, yet, deep deep down you too sometimes yearn for something else, and temptation can call upon you and distract you from your current fayre.

Look this feeling in the eye. What tempts you? What feels ‘outside’ of what you already have? And can that be incorporated or activated where you already have a bond? Listen to your heart on this. Is this a passing whim, a nudge to bring something new into your love life, or a genuine heartfelt attraction elsewhere that you can no longer deny? This is the time to answer this question.

Head here for everything you need to know about being a Taurus

Gemini

May 22 to June 21

Tarot cards for Gemini for Venus in Cancer: Leo, Manifest Your Life, Power Couple

Meaning: Absolute power couple vibes are what you’re focused on this Venus in Cancer transit. You are taking control and telling yourself, or your partner, exactly what your vision of love is. And it’s more than just sex, passion or romance… you want an ally, a ‘ride or die’, a person you can build an empire with and enjoy a fabulous, luxurious, exciting life with.

The person you pick for a partner will represent the most important choice you make in your life. So, be shrewd, smart, knowing and intuitive. Tell your person your hopes and dreams, share your visions and ideas. Understand their ambitions and goals. Does this all align? Can you come together to build a dream life you can both contribute to and take rewards from, beyond the flirtations and attractions? If so, it’s time to start building!

Head here for everything you need to know about being a Gemini

Cancer

June 22 to July 23

Tarot cards for Cancer for Venus in Cancer: The Ex, Don’t Drink The Poison, Solitude

Meaning: A clear message from the cards as Venus moves into your sign: don’t look back! Or at least look back objectively, without the rose-tinted glasses, and see how lucky you are to be out of certain scenarios. This is a time to celebrate how far you’ve moved on, what you’ve overcome, the wisdom and experience you’ve gained and used, and the amazing potential ahead for you in love.

If you’re single, that’s okay. Enjoy the freedom and independence. Love is always possible, as and when you wish for it. You are endlessly attractive and charming. If you’re looking for someone, then just look ahead, not back. Your past is not a place to revisit for a partner.

If you’re attached and wondering ‘is this it?’… find peace and truth in your own mind, not their version of things. Listen to your gut instinct, obey your intuition, think about how you truly feel. This is a season for truth and clarity.

Head here for everything you need to know about being a Cancer

Leo

July 24 to August 23

Tarot cards for Leo for Venus in Cancer: Pisces, Take The Crown, Universal Love

Meaning: Power dynamics are often a ‘thing’ in your relationships as your Leo nature is naturally authoritative, desiring of respect and admiration, and dare I say a bit bossy… but there’s a softer side to you coming out this Venus in Cancer season, a more intuitive, fluid and go-with-the-flow version that is actually restful and relaxing to you. It’s not easy always being on top, in charge, leading the way, right?

You know, deep down, you can take the crown and take accountability when it comes to it, but in love and romance you don’t need to. You both serve the relationship equally, this thought has been a game changer for you. And what it leads to is more universal, all-encompassing, equal and surrounding sense of love and support and appreciation… which is bliss! Who knew it was so easy to activate. Just step back and let it be.

Head here for everything you need to know about being a Leo

Virgo

August 24 to September 23

Tarot cards for Virgo for Venus in Cancer: Gemini, Open The Book, Happy Ever After

Meaning: The route to your happy ever after in love this Venus in Cancer season is via communication; a lot of it, non-stop chatter in fact! Be like your fellow Mercury twin, Gemini, and talk about everything, to everyone, with the usual filters on hold. Ask weird questions, say how you really feel, suggest something new, request feedback, pay compliments, start up small talk with strangers you see often, ask people how their day is going, share some news.

When you push past first impressions or your own assumptions about others, you are opening the book to write new stories that come from a shared chemistry. No amount of overthinking, projection or assumption can replace this magical alchemy. Open yourself up to it. Somehow, in some weird way, your own romantic happy ever after will come from one of these conversations, so talk it up!

Head here for everything you need to know about being a Virgo

Libra

September 24 to October 23

Tarot cards for Libra for Venus in Cancer: The Soul Mate, Serve The Relationship, Spiritual Connection

Meaning: You are ruled by Venus, the goddess of love, and known as the best lover in the zodiac — lucky you, or rather lucky partners! You need a soulmate in your life, a person who can match your powers and charms, as well as challenging and even besting you sometimes, and being able to give you the space you sorely crave. This person needs to read you like a book. And vice versa.

What makes such a bond really work is that neither of you are selfish, you understand that you both play a role, have to pull together, and serve the relationship first (vs yourselves). But if that is not how things feel, or have felt recently, then it’s time to talk.

If you’re single and looking then make a vision board for ‘soulmate’ – what does that mean to you? This is the vibration you need to set. A spiritual connection is the result of thinking about your relationship in this way. A bond that is built on true understanding of the whole person, vs just the lover. Talk deeply, seek to understand, align on how you serve the relationship and let love flow.

Head here for everything you need to know about being a Libra

Scorpio

October 24 to November 22

Tarot cards for Scorpio for Venus in Cancer: The Free Spirit, Take The Crown, Smooth Sailing

Meaning: You need to talk about space. You need to establish realistic expectations and habits around each other’s necessary independence, as well as how you both expect the other to ‘be there’ (because I guess we all want someone to prioritise us). It’s good to feel like a free spirit, and it’s important to feel like someone is there for you — the question is how do you do both? But it can be done!

Take the crown here, take ownership for activating this conversation or, if you’re single, thinking about your own past experiences here. Intimacy but also independence. Both matter. If you can walk this line, find this balance, crack this nut, then your relationship will be smooth sailing. Control and possessiveness are the curse of all Scorpio folk and if you can tame this beast, then your love life could be virtually issue-free. What bliss! It’s worth this homework.

Head here for everything you need to know about being a Scorpio

Sagittarius

November 23 to December 21

Tarot cards for Sagittarius for Venus in Cancer: The Best Friend, Spill The Tea, Smooth Sailing

Meaning: The appearance of the Best Friend card alongside Spill The Tea could be a direct message that you’ve developed deeper feelings for a friend (or maybe someone has towards you… folk are always falling in love with you, after all).

Or, maybe this is something you need to spill the beans on this Venus in Cancer season? It’s been brewing for a long time, and I think things will go better than you fear and will lead to smooth sailing again in the relationship — be that towards more romantic waters, or back into easy friendship. The tension has reached a peak. Time to air your true thoughts, see what they think, talk about it.

Alternatively, maybe you and your partner have reached a more ‘friendship’ vibe in your relationship and you want to talk about it. Sometimes we all just need companionship and the pressure-free energy is welcome. Sometimes though, we need to feel our partner wants us and sees us above and beyond ‘just a friend’. Decide how you feel and share it. Ask for clarity. Put the spark back into your interactions. Don’t sail on blindly. Chart the course to where you want to go.

Head here for everything you need to know about being a Sagittarius

Capricorn

December 22 to January 21

Tarot cards for Capricorn for Venus in Cancer: Aquarius, Heal Heartbreak, Uncharted Territory

Meaning: You are a believer in the phrase ‘keep calm and carry on’, but this Venus in Cancer transit, something bubbles up inside that threatens to overwhelm you. An emotion, maybe even from long ago, that is so powerful it cannot be calmed down or suppressed or ignored.

Be like an Aquarius and speak your truth, clearly and honestly and with pure intent. You need to be heard. This is a heartbreak that still bothers you, that has created scar tissue which needs to be healed and soothed. If it’s related to your current relationship then take your time, seek solitude, and process your feelings before speaking to your partner. If it’s about the past then gather your confidant, your journal, your mirror… and unload the emotions.

This takes you into uncharted territory as you’ve carried this open wound for a long time. What will you be without it? How will life and trust and connection change after you’ve processed it at last? I promise it will all get better. You don’t have to carry this weight any longer. Put it down. Heal and move on.

Head here for everything you need to know about being a Capricorn

Aquarius

January 22 to February 19

Tarot cards for Aquarius for Venus in Cancer: Taurus, Say Goodbye, Fading Feelings

Meaning: Folk always accuse Aquarians of being aloof or cool when it comes to emotions, but you feel very deeply and honestly. You are aware of your emotions but can also control them to allow you to handle situations and move forwards in the most rational way possible. You know you need to talk about fading feelings, about losing the spark, about worrying that your lust or interest in passion has waned somehow, things just aren’t what they were.

It doesn’t mean the end of anything. It can be a new beginning. But it does mean something has to give. A false front needs to collapse and reveal what really lies behind it. A habit or pattern in your own love language or relationship dynamics has outstayed its usefulness and needs replacing. Time for some maintenance. Reignite what has been lost or broken. Get back that loving feeling.

Head here for everything you need to know about being an Aquarius

Pisces

February 20 to March 20

Tarot cards for Venus in Cancer: Sagittarius, Give In To Desire, Stormy Weather

Meaning: Venus in Cancer stirs everything up in your romance realm, maybe creating some stormy weather, but at least that means passions are still running high. Sometimes, the silence or apathy is much more deadly in close relationships. Give in to your desires. Follow your heart. Pursue passion. Act how you feel, with your heart firmly on your sleeve. Why not? What’s to lose? If they only bought into your ‘performance’ then it was never sustainable anyway.

Be like Sagittarius and flow with your authentic selfhood and needs, and you won’t step far wrong. Plus, the right people will fall in line beside you. Let a little storm clear the air. Let the clouds lift and the sun shine through again on a new, reformed landscape of love. Sometimes you have to break a few eggs…

Head here for everything you need to know about being a Pisces

Kerry King has been reading, teaching and creating tarot for 30 years. Join her magical, exclusive Tarot Club for forecasts, predictions, lessons and readings straight to your inbox. Enjoy one month free for all Metro readers (no lock-in or commitment) over on Patreon.

Your daily Metro.co.uk horoscope is here every morning, seven days a week (yes, including weekends!). To check your forecast, head to our dedicated horoscopes page.

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At 8.16am on August 10 2019, a post appeared on the online forum 4Chan: “[D]ont ask me how I know, but Epstein died an hour ago from hanging, cardiac arrest. Screencap this.”

ABC News broke the story that financier and convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein had died in prison, 38 minutes later.

 4Chan is an anonymous forum with no fact-checking mechanisms, so it’s impossible to know who the anonymous poster was and how they knew. But the ambiguity over what happened to Epstein, and who knew what and when continues to fuel conspiracy theories – including, the QAnon conspiracy narrative that the world is run by an elite cabal of child sex traffickers.

Now, as the US Department of Justice has slowly released the information it has on Epstein in the Epstein files, these conspiracy theorists are saying: “We told you so.”

In this episode of The Conversation Weekly podcast, Art Jipson, a sociologist at the University of Dayton in Ohio who researches social movements and extremism, explains what happened when a real-life criminal case collided with an online community built on conspiracy theories.

“Fringe spaces were already primed and focused on Epstein,” says Jipson. “I think his death did not create a narrative, it accelerated it.”

This episode of The Conversation Weekly was written and produced by Mend Mariwany and the executive producer was Gemma Ware. Mixing by Eleanor Brezzi and theme music by Neeta Sarl.

Newsclips in this episode from NBC News, CNN and ABC News.

Listen to The Conversation Weekly via any of the apps listed above, download it directly via our RSS feed or find out how else to listen here. A transcript of this episode is available via the Apple Podcasts or Spotify apps.

The squad are attempting to break the long-standing 1993 all-282 Munro relay record of 11 days, 20 hours and 16 minutes – with the gruelling 24/7 challenge set to end on Sunday evening.

A pair of intrepid local explorers are part of a crack team who are preparing to break an extra-special relay record to traverse all of Scotland’s Munros faster than any other group.

The seven-strong bunch of Scottish and English fell runners – named the Fellkour Squad – includes Benjamin van Dijk from Bridge of Allan and Sam Fisher from Dunblane, as well as Alastair Thornton from nearby Alva.

The squad are attempting to break the long-standing 1993 all-282 Munro relay record of 11 days, 20 hours and 16 minutes.

They have been running 24/7 since May 7 through all conditions – including snow, rain and harsh winds – and are currently on course to complete the record attempt on Sunday on the Isle of Skye.

Travelling the length and breadth of Scotland, the challenge has taken the team through some of the country’s most remote landscapes as they attempt all 282 Munros.

On day nine of the challenge, they bagged their 212th Munro, Moruisg – known for its prominence, rising above upper Glen Carron.

The team will see the finish line as they complete the final Munros on the rocky ridges of the Black Cuillin, whose highest point is Sgurr Alasdair at 991.99 metres (3,254 feet), on the Isle of Skye late on Sunday evening.

Upon completion, the team will have covered approximately 1,600 kilometres (1,000 miles) of mountain running and 120,000 metres of ascent, that’s equivalent to climbing Mount Everest 13 and a half times from sea level.

The scale of the challenge reflects the demands of completing all 282 Munros and the 33-year-old record in Scottish fell running.

You can follow the team’s brutal efforts towards the finish line on their tracker here.

The man was taken to Hairmyres Hospital, where medical staff describe his injuries as life-changing and he is in a stable condition.

Police are appealing for information after a 68-year-old man was found seriously injured in the High Blantyre area of South Lanarkshire, around 11pm on Sunday, May 3.

The man was taken to Hairmyres Hospital, where medical staff describe his injuries as life-changing and he is in a stable condition.

Officers are carrying out extensive enquiries to establish the circumstances surrounding how the man came to sustain his injuries.

It is believed he was within the High Blantyre area between Friday and Sunday, May 1 and 3, and police are appealing to anyone who may have seen him during that time to come forward.

The man is described as white, around 5ft 11in, medium build, with short, dark hair. When last seen he was wearing a light blue shorts and t-Shirt.

Detective Inspector Ally Thom said: “We are working to piece together the man’s movements over the course of the weekend and to establish exactly what has happened.

“I would ask that motorists with dash-cam footage, and residents with private CCTV or doorbell cameras in the area of Millheugh Place, Larkfield Drive, Moray Place, Nairn Street, Priestfield Street, Waverley Terrace and Main Street, to please review their recordings, as they may have captured something which could assist our investigation.”

Anyone with information is asked to contact Police Scotland via 101, quoting incident number 2339 of Monday, May 4, 2026.

*Don’t miss the latest headlines from around Lanarkshire. Sign up to our newsletters here.

And did you know Lanarkshire Live had its own app? Download yours for free here.

READ MORE: Knife yob avoids prison after scaring man at train station

President Donald Trump’s son, Eric Trump, has announced plans to sue MS NOW over a report questioning his presence in China during his father’s state visit.

Eric, the executive vice president of luxury real estate company the Trump Organization, defended himself, saying that he was in Beijing with Trump “as a loving son who adores my father and wouldn’t miss being by his side for this incredible moment.”

Eric’s threats of a lawsuit against MS NOW and one of its show hosts, Jen Psaki, followed a segment scrutinizing the motives of the president’s son during his trip to China this week.

“It certainly seems like Eric might be getting a little more than just some quality time with his dad out of his China trip. Doesn’t it?” Psaki asked her viewers on The Briefing.

The segment from Psaki was based on a Financial Times report published on Wednesday, tying Eric’s visit to a potential business venture.

Eric was making the trip as the fintech company Alt5 Sigma, which he allegedly has ties to, signed a “memorandum of understanding” with China-based Nano Labs last month to build data centers in the U.S., according to the Financial Times.

The White House insisted to the Financial Times that “there are no conflicts of interest” with Eric’s presence on the China trip.

When reached for comment, the White House directed The Independent to an interview with Fox News’ Sean Hannity, where Eric’s wife, Lara, said Trump warned the family before running for office in 2016 that people would “come after” them.

“They’re going to come after all of us,” Lara recalled Trump saying.

The Independent has reached out to the Trump Organization and MS NOW for comment.

In the MS NOW segment, Psaki, a former White House press secretary under Joe Biden, claimed Eric was on Alt5 Sigma’s board of directors.

“Contrary to her monolog [sic] and blatant lies, I have NEVER been on the board of ALT5 — not now, not ever,” Eric said in an X post announcing his plans to sue Friday.

The Financial Times article that Psaki based her segment on reported that Eric was an “observer” on the company’s board last year.

Eric also said he has “zero business interests in China. No properties, no investments, nothing!”

He said that during Trump’s bilateral talks with Chinese President Xi Jinping, he and his wife went to see the Great Wall of China.

Aside from members of Trump’s family and Cabinet, several tech tycoons joined the president on his trip, which ended Friday, including Tesla’s Elon Musk, Apple’s Tim Cook and Nvidia’s Jensen Huang.

“I think a lot of good has come of it,” Trump said of the trip during tea with Xi on Friday, per The New York Times. “We’ve made some fantastic trade deals, really for both countries.”

Swansea City have published their retained list, with 11 leaving and two remaining in contract talks

Swansea City have confirmed their retained list following the conclusion of the 2025/26 Championship season.

Youngsters Evan Anderson, Mitchell Bates, Callum Deacon, Isaac Dudding, Wahab Ojetoro, Ben Phillips, Brogan Popham and Josh Thomas will all be leaving upon the expiry of their contracts or scholarship agreements.

Loan players Malick Yalcouye, Ishe Samuels-Smith and Gustavo Nunes have returned to their parent clubs following their respective stays in south Wales.

Meanwhile, the club remain in talks with Joel Ward and Kit Margetson, with their contracts up at the end June.

Ward, 36, signed a short-term deal with the club in January and made 16 appearances.

Swansea have also extended Aimar Govea’s contract until December of this year.

“Everyone at Swansea City wishes all departing players every success for the future, and thanks them for their contributions,” the club said in a statement on their website.

Swansea have already triggered contract extensions with Zan Vipotnik, Lawrence Vigouroux, Josh Tymon, Jay Fulton, Andy Fisher and Paul Farman.

Head coach Vitor Matos hopes to avoid a summer of upheaval in the upcoming transfer market in a bid to improve upon last season’s 11th-placed finish.

“I think we need to avoid that [upheaval]. If not, all the work we’ve been doing was just for nothing,” he said last month.

“So it starts by having all players under contract, which is quite good. That’s a massive thing and then it’s about having a clear idea in terms of the market.

“The ownership has a really clear vision of what they want for the future. I’ve bought into that and they’ve bought into my ideas as well. That was always the common ground.

“We had a transfer window with more limitations in January. Now it’s a little bit different. Let’s see how it goes.”

Players over 24 as of June 30, 2026

Florian Bianchini, Cameron Burgess, Ben Cabango, Ollie Cooper, Liam Cullen, Jisung Eom, Paul Farman, Andy Fisher, Goncalo Franco, Jay Fulton, Ethan Galbraith, Adam Idah, Zeidane Inoussa, Josh Key, Ronald, Ricardo Santos, Marko Stamenic, Josh Tymon, Lawrence Vigouroux, Zan Vipotnik, Melker Widell.

Players under 24 as of June 30, 2026

Morgan Bates, Joe Collins, Cameron Congreve, Jacob Cook, Joel Cotterill, Sebastian Dabrowski, Caleb Demery, Jack Fanning, Yori Griffith, Iestyn Jones, Filip Lissah, Ben Lloyd, Blair McKenzie, Arthur Parker, Sam Parker, Harlan Perry, Josh Pescatore, Ramon Rees-Siso, Thomas Searle, Bobby Wales, Dan Watts, Evan Watts, Kyrell Wilson, Thomas Woodward.

Scholars at conclusion of first year

Kaven Bloniarczyk, Bobo Evans, Harvey Gray, Carter Heywood, Alfie Jones, Josiah Kallicharan, Jack May, Lukas Murphy, Jakub Nowak, Archie Quick, Kai Rhodes, Elis Thomas, Thomas Wright.

Offered professional contracts

Billy Clarke, Caio Ifans, Callum Jones, Milo Robinson.

A few years ago, I had just moved into a house.

As relatively recent graduates, my husband and I had struggled with the banks to secure a mortgage – and worse still, I had a humanities background that didn’t exactly guarantee employment.

But after approaching several banks, we managed to persuade a kind loan officer to say yes. Suddenly, we found ourselves settled in the suburbs, with 190 square meters, two children and a garden trampoline.

One summer evening, while the children were asleep, we sat out on the terrace in the sunshine. We had eaten well, lit candles and were drinking wine. It sounds like the perfect evening, doesn’t it?

On paper, we had realised our dream. The problem was, it didn’t feel that way. I had a strange sense that something was missing, even though I adore my family.

What was missing were friends.

And although I felt lonely, I wasn’t alone. Studies show that many of us have experienced loneliness.

This essay was published as part of a collaboration between Insights, The Conversation’s longform series, and Videnskab.dk.

I research friendship and, over the past few years, I’ve immersed myself in everything from scientific studies to literary texts on the subject.

It is especially literature that has given me a new perspective – both professionally and personally – on what friends are, and what friendship can be.

Hungry for friendship

In other words, I have what romantic movies and popular culture tell us is important: a partner, children, a job and a mortgage.

But it isn’t quite enough.

And it made me wonder whether the life path many of us – myself included – are following might, in fact, contain some built-in flaws.

Does this path leave too little room for the relationships defined by choice and equality? The relationships that aren’t about starting a family, but about friends?

We are raised to follow a particular social script in life. One in which career, marriage and children take centre stage and where friendship is assigned a less important role.

Many of us leave behind youth – when friendship often plays a central part – in favour of the so-called serious romantic relationship of adulthood. More broadly, some people tend to treat friendship as a kind of optional icing on the cake rather than the dough that holds it all together.

But what if this script doesn’t make us happy? What if we are depriving ourselves of something essential? Renowned feminist writer and activist Betty Friedan wrote about the widespread unhappiness of women in the 1960s in her groundbreaking book The Feminine Mystique.

Among its core arguments is this: women who stay at home and care for children are bound to be unhappy due to wider social structures that hold them down. A challenge she labelled “the problem with no name”.

Certainly, an element of being tired of caring for others and not being at the centre of one’s own life played an important role in my own feelings of sadness and yearning. But it couldn’t account for everything: I had a job, and things to do outside the home – contrary to many women in the 1960s. I had things I wanted to do. Friedan’s analysis didn’t entirely capture the problem.

A midlife phenomenon

And so, you may recognise the feeling of being hungry for friendship, even if you don’t live in the suburbs, play house day to day, or identify as female.

Perhaps you’ve structured your life very differently from mine, and yet still found yourself wondering where your friends went.

Indeed, when do our friends slip out of our lives?

It is particularly in midlife that finding time for friends can become difficult.

American psychologists Willard Hartup and Nan Stevens have found that we spend less than 10% of our waking time with friends during the years when work and family take up most of our time and energy.

Another study, also from the US points in the same direction: more than 40% of adult participants said they wished they were emotionally closer to their friends and would like to spend more time in their company.

In concrete terms, we now spend less than three hours a week with friends, compared with six hours a decade ago. A halving, plain and simple.

This trend goes hand in hand with a broader societal shift: fewer people are members of political parties, affiliation with religious institutions is declining, and fewer engage in unions or local sports clubs. Developments the US political scientist Robert D. Putnam described in his 1995 book Bowling Alone.

And it is happening across the western world.

Even in Denmark where I live, with its strong traditions of clubs and associations, we are seeing the same pattern: we simply meet up with other people less often, and increasingly spend time alone and feel lonely. While being alone doesn’t necessarily entail feeling lonely – the latter being a subjective state – being alone does indeed raise the risk of subjective loneliness.

In my own case, there was plenty of time for friendship in my early twenties. I lived in student halls, and the best thing about those years was that I didn’t have to make plans to have a social life.

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There were always people in the kitchen to talk to. Always someone to have coffee with. It was a life with built-in friendships.

So why leave that kind of collective life?

Why have children at all and, in my case, move to the suburbs?

It’s a fair question, and one I’ve asked myself. The simple answer is that I became pregnant and children weren’t allowed in student accommodation. In addition, housing in larger cities – such as Copenhagen – is almost impossible to afford for young people and young families. We are driven out of cities, to put it bluntly.

However, I was also somewhat tired of other people’s parties and other people’s mess. And sometimes, you simply want to drink your coffee alone.

If it had been possible to stay in some form of shared living that could accommodate children and still have a private kitchen, I would have done so. No question about it. But that option is rare.

And so we return to the social script I mentioned earlier.

What we might call both the social structure and the physical architecture leave little room for ways of living outside the standard couple, the nuclear family, or single life (more people than ever now live alone).

Cue a longing for new norms around friendship and community.

Literature and company

There are those who argue that the family is an oppressive institution that should be abolished altogether.

This stance builds on the radical feminism of the 1970s, where voices such as Shulamith Firestone argued that reproduction should be handed over to technology, freeing women from the burden altogether.

More recently, Sophie Lewis has made a similar case. In her book Abolish the Family: A Manifesto for Care and Liberation, she calls for dismantling the social structure of the family in favour of a more collective culture of care.

I understand the motivations behind arguments like these. But if people want to fall in love and have children together as a couple, then by all means they should. Regardless of what any intellectual might think about the matter.

Are there problems with families? Can they make us lonely by taking time away from friendships? Yes and yes.

Can they also be a source of joy and meaning? Just as much so.

The reason I bring up this critique of the family is that it reflects a broader trend in books, films and culture more generally: a growing willingness to question how we live and what place friendship should have in our lives.

I’ve written about this development elsewhere, describing how friendship is gaining prominence and offering three possible explanations for why that is.

One is the rise in loneliness , which makes friendship more valuable simply because it has become more scarce.

Another is that friendship can confer status and prestige in a world shaped by social media and visual culture.

Finally, I would argue that there is a growing cultural curiosity about whether friendships can serve as a framework for life in the same way romantic relationships historically have.

The French literary star Édouard Louis is one of the most prominent figures on the literary scene grappling with friendship.

In Change: A Method (2021), he describes his life as a movement away from his family. Instead, he seeks out different friendships that help him escape a homophobic working-class environment in northern France and move towards the literary scene in Paris.

He describes how his friendship with Elena, a middle-class girl, completely overturns his worldview, and how he later becomes close friends with notable French intellectuals Didier Eribon and Geoffroy de Lagasnerie.

The latter has described their friendship of three as a “way of life” and a “radical form of life” that breaks with the status quo.

One might object that cultural portrayals of the importance of friendship like these are the culmination of contemporary individualism.

For Louis, it is about living exactly as he wants to live – entirely free from conventions and expectations. And that does indeed invoke a particularly modern form of individualism.

At the same time, they contain a longing for other people and for community.

He seems to be asking if it’s possible to burn down existing social conventions and develop our own norms for friendship and togetherness. Both Louis and de Lagasnerie conclude that yes, that is indeed possible.

Breaking with convention

The Danish author Thomas Korsgaard’s stories about Tue offer a parallel to the French Louis: Tue comes from a poor, non-academic provincial background and, like Louis, Tue moves to the city to create a new life for himself.

In his book, You Probably Should Have Been There (2021), Korsgaard writes about Tue’s turbulent early days in Copenhagen, where he spends a long time living as a destitute homeless man, until he meets Victoria (the Danish version of Elena, if you like) and, through her, learns the social codes of the upper middle class. Slowly but surely, he begins the same kind of transformation that Louis describes.

Cultural and literary history also offers many examples of female friendships that have allowed people to live outside the norms and be themselves.

The Swedish writer, Selma Lagerlöf, did not marry and instead had close relationships with other women, and Virginia Woolf’s life and work were also shaped by deep female friendships.

For many years, it was not seen as suspicious or improper for women to have romantic and borderline erotic relationships with one another – they were in many cases regarded as intimate friendships.

Male homosexuality, by contrast, has in many cases and historical contexts been met with hatred and resistance, with the important exception of ancient Greek and classical societies.

The accounts of Louis, Korsgaard, Lagasnerie, and many others, all testify to a powerful urge to break with the structures that dictate that we must live our lives in a certain way and remind us of the importance of asking ourselves if we are living according to our own standards – or the standards of someone else.

An adult friend

The feeling of missing friends, the one that hit me that evening on the terrace, may be about something deeper than simply missing having lots of people to invite to one’s birthday party or many people one can call on on a rainy day. And that, above all, is what literature made me realise.

My hunger for friendship was not so much about a need for having people around. It was more about a need to broaden my horizon and listen to other perspectives.

I didn’t just miss friends; I missed different viewpoints, fresh input and new ways of thinking.

Friendships can help us see and explore the odd and unconventional sides of life – and in doing so challenge the status quo, much like the portrayals we find in literature.

Put simply, they can make us see the world differently.

When I went to elementary school, one of my closest friends was a woman in her seventies who had looked after me as a child.

After she was no longer being paid to spend time with me, I kept seeking her out. Her name was Lise, born in 1928. With her dark humour, curls and a wardrobe full of high-heels, her apartment was my number one refuge.

Lise had a Jewish background and, at 15, had fled the Nazis in Denmark on a Swedish fishing boat.

I loved her stories from the past and everything else about her. She cooked terrible food, always gave me presents and was impeccably elegant.

Our friendship cut across all the usual boundaries. It was unusual, even odd. But it was exactly what we both needed.

What can you do?

Inspired by literature’s many examples, can we live a life in which friends take up more space, where friendships are allowed to challenge our assumptions about life?

Even if we are not ready, or willing, to throw family and all other social conventions onto the scrapheap?

I am convinced that it is possible. But it requires us to push back, at least a little, against today’s emphasis on choice and individualism, and to do something slightly unfashionable: send a message instead of scrolling. Commit. Invite someone over. Perhaps someone who you never thought of as a friend before. But who nonetheless may turn out to be valuable to have in your life.

It also requires us to view strangers as potential friends. After all, this is what friendship boils down to: strangers that you come to know, like, and trust – a definition I describe in more detail in my book Friendship from Aristotle to Snapchat (in Danish).

Say hello to your neighbour. Smile and speak to people in shops or on the bus, because so-called “weak ties” are actually really good for us and give us a sense of belonging. Sometimes it’s as simple as this: Be friendly!

It is also helpful to reach out to those who are not like us on paper.

And in so doing, move beyond the idea that like attracts like, and instead connect with those who are different from us, just as Louis, Korsgaard’s Tue and de Lagasnerie did.

To recognise that friendships can take many forms and do not have to resemble the perfect parties and baby showers that dominate social media. For some, reading a book or being out in nature may facilitate a feeling of friendship – even if these things are done in solitude.

So, as strange as it may sound, friendships may not even require other people. I recently heard German sociologist and renowned thinker Hartmut Rosa give a lecture in Copenhagen, and his reflections on resonance were highly conducive for thinking about friendship. We resonate with other beings, says Rosa, and with the world broadly speaking – not just with other people.

As for me, I’ve started bringing friends together, including people I haven’t seen in a long time, for various gatherings.

It’s not exactly trendy or reminiscent of student life; people often bring their children, and time is spent building Lego or settling disputes. But that hardly matters. What matters to me is that we can make space for one another across different stages of life.

I’ve also broadened my understanding of friendship to include everyday interactions, everything from smalltalk with other parents at nursery to lunches with colleagues and friendly online messages.

Because you don’t need a large circle of friends.

As I see it, friendship is a practice.

It’s a way of being in the world – something you do, rather than something you have.

That shift has genuinely eased my hunger for friendship, and I now see my suburban life in a different light. I’ve learned that I’m not missing anything – it’s simply a matter of doing something.

Punctuating the notion that friendship necessarily looks a certain way has also really helped me. Because friendships come in all shapes and forms: from micro-interactions to life-long bonds. Perhaps with a tree or a dog?

This article was commissioned as part of a partnership between Videnskab.dk and The Conversation. You can read the Danish version of this article here.

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Vyshyvanka Day is held on the third Thursday of May each year but was marked during an event at the Merchant Taylors Hall, in Aldwark, on Thursday (May 14).

The annual event is dedicated to a traditional embroidered shirt known as the vyshyvanka – which is often handmade and passed down through the generations.

The day encourages Ukrainians to wear the garment as a means of expressing national identity, unity, and pride – highlighting the country’s history and resilience through hardship.

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It was organised by the York Ukrainian community, with help from York City of Sanctuary and the Company of Merchant Taylors.

The day celebrates the country’s national dress and its rich cultural heritage (Image: Abby Backhouse)

Speaking about this, John Vincent of the Company of Merchant Taylors, said: “This is the fourth celebration of Vyshyvanka Day that we’ve held in York, and despite the event being a joyful celebration, it is tinged with sadness.

“We open up our doors to the Ukrainian community – many of whom have faced so deep hardship and loss since the beginning of the war.

“It’s an event I know they long to host in their country, at peace and without the looming threat of ongoing conflict.”

Iryna Martynyuk wearing the vyshyvanka her grandmother made (Image: Abby Backhouse)

One attendee Iryna Martynyuk, who helps organise the choir which sang on the day, said she had found comfort in the city of York, as its historic walls are reminiscent of her home city of Lviv – renowned for its own deep history.

Iryna brought a picture of her grandma who had handcrafted the vyshyvanka she wore to the event.

She explained: “A vyshyvanka like the one I wear today is often passed from mother to daughter.

“I cut mine, which was originally made as a dress, into a top when I was 16.

“It has been preserved so well and I wear it with pride today.”

A choir sang traditional Ukrainian folk songs (Image: Abby Backhouse)

Iryna and her choir sang a variety of traditional folk songs and more modern music to those in attendance before all were able to enjoy a Ukrainian pork dish.

Speaking about this, Lena Henderson said: “It’s been wonderful to see everyone today.

“The Ukrainian community in York has really evolved since they arrived here as refugees. Many families have now found secure employment, friends and have integrated into their communities.”

The city celebrated the fourth annual Vyshyvanka Day (Image: Abby Backhouse)

Lena helped run Sunflowers Kids Club in York – a group set up for Ukrainian children and their families after the war began in 2022.

She said: “We had originally supported over 300 children and adults with weekly wellbeing sessions – ensuring everyone had both the practical and emotional support they needed after coming to York.

“When these families came to the area, many were lost, not knowing the language and in need of a support system, aside from their wonderful host families.

“Over the years, I have seen how well they have integrated into their community and managed uncertainties.”

Songs, national dishes and traditional dress were celebrated at the event (Image: Abby Backhouse)

The club was a temporary project, funded in part by grants from City of York Council, the Joseph Rowntree Trust and kind-hearted sponsors, and has recently ended.

Ukraine’s rich history and the future of the 34,000 child refugees living in the UK today will soon be discussed in a talk on June 6.

For more information, please visit here.