Music producer Benny Blanco has revealed he worked with a therapist to draw up a detailed checklist describing his “ideal partner” before eventually finding love with pop star Selena Gomez, with being “age-appropriate” topping the list of qualities he sought.
Blanco, 38, discussed the process during an appearance on “The Mel Robbins Podcast,” which aired Thursday, offering new detail on how a period of intentional self-reflection ultimately led him to Gomez, 34, whom he married in California in September 2025. The couple first went public with their relationship in December 2023 and announced their engagement roughly a year later.
Blanco told Robbins he had approached his therapist directly out of frustration with his previous romantic history, expressing a clear desire to understand what had prevented him from finding a lasting relationship.
“I really wanna find the right partner, and I’m doing something wrong. I can’t find the person that I’m gonna spend the rest of my life with, and I want to do that,” Blanco recalled telling his therapist.
In response, his therapist encouraged him to write out a specific list of qualities he wanted in a future partner. According to Blanco, the first item on that list was being “age-appropriate,” a quality he said he now views as essential compatibility.
“Then the second thing on my list was, someone who’s nice,” Blanco said. “Nice, caring, compassionate, like someone who’s a nice person.”
Blanco said he also prioritized finding someone with a generally positive outlook, along with the willingness to actively address personal struggles rather than simply enduring them.
“I wanted someone who woke up generally happy,” Blanco said. “And if they were sad, they were doing something about it. Like they were going to therapy, they were taking medicine if they need to, they were doing yoga. They were actively trying to change things.”
Blanco offered a lighter moment during the discussion, joking that his list avoided overly specific physical criteria.
“I want their like left toe longer than their right,” Blanco said, mocking the kind of narrow physical preference his checklist deliberately excluded. Instead, he emphasized that the list focused on broader personal qualities that served as a filtering mechanism for potential partners.
“These were like broad things, and if it didn’t meet those first five or six things, I couldn’t even pursue,” Blanco said.
Blanco also detailed the long and unusual timeline of his relationship with Gomez, noting that the two had known each other for years, through periods of professional collaboration, before their romance eventually developed.
“We first met about 15 years ago. We worked together five or six years after that, and then again five or six years after that, and had a casual friendship during the time. Then we started dating a few years after that,” Blanco said.
Blanco’s account builds on similar comments he and Gomez have made in past interviews about the deliberate, reflective approach he took toward dating before their relationship began. In an earlier joint appearance on the “On Purpose with Jay Shetty” podcast, Blanco described feeling that he had been searching for a partner in the wrong ways before ultimately deciding to get intentional about what he wanted.
“Before I met her, I was just another guy in L.A. trying to find the right person,” Blanco said during that earlier appearance. “I think I was maybe looking in all the wrong places.”
Blanco added during that same conversation that his broader goal extended beyond simply finding a romantic partner, describing a desire to build a family and a genuinely reciprocal relationship.
“I want to start a life, I want to have a family, I want someone who feels like my other half. I want it to be a real give-and-take, that perfect yin and yang,” Blanco said.
Gomez has echoed similar sentiments about the relationship in her own separate interviews. Speaking with The Hollywood Reporter, she described her relationship with Blanco as the “safest I’ve ever felt” in a romantic partnership. In a separate interview with Interview magazine, Gomez explained how a five-year period of being single before meeting Blanco helped prepare her for a healthier relationship dynamic.
“That time alone helped me appreciate someone like Ben,” Gomez said. “He gets so weirded out when I say this, but honestly, 10 years ago I couldn’t have accepted the kind of unconditional love and patience he gives me now.”
Blanco and Gomez, whose relationship became public in December 2023 following years of professional collaboration in the music industry, have continued to speak openly about their partnership across multiple public appearances since their engagement was announced. The couple collaborated on a joint album, “I Said I Love You First,” which they announced together in a press release after previously discussing their engagement publicly.
Blanco has also spoken separately about his desire to become a father, telling InStyle in an earlier interview that he hopes to have children with Gomez.
“I love kids; I love being an uncle,” Blanco told the outlet at the time. “I want to be a dad, though, God willing. I’m just dreaming and praying every day.”
Blanco’s latest comments on “The Mel Robbins Podcast” add further public detail to a relationship that has drawn significant media attention given both partners’ prominence in the entertainment industry, with Blanco’s Grammy-nominated production career spanning collaborations with numerous major recording artists, and Gomez’s decades-long career spanning music, television and film.
The therapist-guided checklist Blanco described reflects a broader cultural trend toward more deliberate, self-aware approaches to dating and relationship formation, one that has gained increasing visibility in recent years as public figures have grown more open about discussing therapy and personal growth work as part of their romantic journeys. Blanco’s willingness to detail the specific process that led him to Gomez offers fans additional insight into a relationship that، since becoming public in 2023, has evolved from a long-standing professional friendship into marriage, following what both partners have described as years of mutual respect and collaboration that ultimately deepened into romance at what they’ve each characterized as the right moment in both of their lives.
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