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Politics

Politics Home Article | SNP on course for victory in Scotland as results continue

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SNP on course for victory in Scotland as results continue
SNP on course for victory in Scotland as results continue


3 min read

The SNP is on course to become the largest party in Holyrood once again – but without a parliamentary majority.

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John Swinney had aimed for 65 seats or more and pinned his independence hopes on that.

But with almost all constituencies now declared and regions still to come, it appears the party can achieve minority government at best.

The SNP has won as many as 55 seats so far, winning Shetland from the Liberal Democrats for the first time.

But it has also suffered losses, with the Western Isles going to Labour, Strathkelvin and Bearsden won by the Lib Dems, and Angus Robertson losing to Lorna Slater of the Scottish Greens in Edinburgh Central.

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And while Anas Sarwar conceded that Labour had lost the election early in the day, there was some relief in Dumbarton, where deputy leader Jackie Baillie doubled her majority to around 2,000 votes.

Kaukab Stewart lost her bid for Nicola Sturgeon’s vacant Glasgow Southside seat, which went to local Green councillor Holly Bruce.

It is the first time the Scottish Greens have won constituencies, while Reform UK has so far been unable to achieve the same feat.

With some results still to come, the Lib Dems are currently the second largest party on five seats, followed by the Tories on four, Labour on three and the Greens on two.

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The SNP has continued its dominance in “Yes city” Dundee, where it held both city seats, and seen its Westminster leader Stephen Flynn win entry to the Scottish Parliament in Aberdeen Deeside and North Kincardine.

And its performance comes after almost 20 years in power, and following an election in which its record in government came under question.

Polls suggested the party was on track to become the biggest party and Swinney’s confidence was clear early in the day, when he said he was “absolutely certain the SNP is going to be the leading party coming out of this election”.

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It is the first Scottish Parliament election Swinney has fought since taking over as leader of his party in 2024. That move came just a few short weeks before the 2024 general election, in which the SNP’s formidable MP group was reduced to just nine.

Succeeding Humza Yousaf as the third SNP first minister of the last parliamentary term, Swinney promised to unify his warring party and return government focus to delivery. 

Commenting on the results as they unfolded, he said the were “a reflection of the work that we’ve undertaken to rebuild public confidence and trust in the SNP”. 

Reform UK’s Scottish leader Malcolm Offord expressed disappointment that his party had not secured a constituency seat. Offord stood in Inverclyde, which was held by the SNP’s Stuart MacMillan, who is also the Scottish Parliament piper.

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This article first appeared on Holyrood.

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Paddington syndrome is making children of us all

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Paddington syndrome is making children of us all

In the words of Quint aboard the Orca: ‘He’s got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll’s eyes. When he comes at ya, he doesn’t seem to be livin’. Until he bites ya…’

When a similarly soulless creature lurched onstage at this year’s BAFTAs, the reaction of the audience was not to run screaming. Instead there were a few whoops, and then a slide into what felt and looked like… embarrassment. Paddington Bear gave his speech, and his jokes got barely a laugh. Not even his earnest quotes from his opinionated mother figure, ‘Mrs Brown’, got a cheer. Prince William, the future king no less, looked as if he regretted not bringing his hunting rifle. It all made the breathless media headlines – ‘Adorable!‘Paddington stole the spotlight and hearts!’ ‘Stunning debut!’ – look somewhat out of step. Maybe they were quoting the pre-show press release.

I was a fan of Paddington growing up. Quite a big fan. I loved the books. But here’s the thing: I was seven. Don’t get me wrong, I would probably still enjoy them today (I mean, I recently spent a few happy hours reading old Calvin and Hobbes compendiums). I loved the 2014 Paddington movie. It’s just that I don’t remember the Paddington of my day giving quite so many moral lectures – and I think that even at the age of seven I’d have resented his newfound priggishness. Nobody likes a lecture, least of all children. It’s a big part of why the modern publishing industry can’t get kids to read.

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But with the bear from computer-generated hell, it’s not the kids I’m worried about – it’s the grown-ups. Paddington Syndrome is rife these days. It hit what I can only hope was its nadir last year, when district judge Sam Goozee, an actual member of the judiciary at an actual magistrates’ court, told two sheepish defendants, ‘Your actions were the antithesis of everything Paddington stands for’.

The defendants in question had vandalised a Paddington statue in the home town of his author, Michael Bond. Vandalism is bad, even when it’s (whisper it) quite funny. The two young men deserved their punishment and they deserved the financial penalty of restoring the statue. What they didn’t deserve, because none of us does, is a vicarious moral lecture from a fictional bear. As the defence counsel said, likely while trying to stop his eyeballs from rolling back in their sockets:

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‘I accept there are a lot of people who know who Paddington Bear is, but there are a number of people who would not say it is a national treasure. It is a literary character. I am not too sure it has that level of status.’

Sometimes pronouns do matter. I am full of admiration for that lawyer for his use of ‘it’.

The bear is not to blame for this phenomenon. Paddington is a cutesy, dead-eyed symptom of mass infantilisation – a process that has long infected public-information leaflets, advertising and our television screens in the UK. You know the style: two-dimensional figures who look as if they were dressed by Hannah Spencer, long-legged and occasionally eyeless, big white semicircles on their faces in lieu of human smiles. They’re supposed to make information accessible. Relatable. Though what kind of grown-up human being ‘relates’ to these artless monstrosities is anyone’s guess.

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The BBC is at it, too; everyone’s a kids’ TV presenter these days. Watching a BBC News TikTok video about violence towards Trading Standards officials, I had to ignore the presenter’s earnest CBeebies enunciation. Here was a truly dark story voiced like a Newsround item. The One Show comes across as a reiteration of Blue Peter. Programmes on gardening, properties and makeovers feature the stars speaking to their guests as if they’re nine years old. Even on Question Time, host Fiona Bruce acts like an overwrought Year 12 teacher fielding rude interjections from the class. You can almost imagine the scene in the staffroom – sorry, the green room – afterwards. ‘I’m so sorry about Connor. I’ll be writing to his parents. I do hope you’ll be kind enough to visit again?’

Perhaps the most curious thing about this infantilisation of adults is the concurrent determination to treat actual children as if they’re undersized grown-ups. Children sometimes need guidance from actual adults. However, as is particularly stark in the gender debate, adults are increasingly prone to taking political dictation from their kids. Alastair Campbell, who learned everything he knows about women and woman-impersonators from his infantile daughter, Grace, is one such example of this. Back in the day, it was understood that children rebel against their parents from time to time. That it’s all part of the process. But the poor offspring now have nothing to rebel against. Their parents merely roll over at the first threat of a breakfast-table tantrum. Kids, we are encouraged to believe, are omniscient little gods.

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This age-inversion has real-world safeguarding consequences. There are way too many videos of mothers applauding their children as they dance ‘provocatively’ at events, all the while being leered at by grown men throwing money. The idea that ‘young people know who they are and what they want’ has quickly devolved into ‘Thomas is a girl and wants puberty blockers’. Of course, Thomas has no concept of what it means to lose future fertility and sexual function and to put a screeching chemical brake on his brain development.

Adulthood and childhood have been transposed, and it’s not just insulting – it’s dangerous. Let children be children, not political gurus, hyper-sexualised drag queens or medical experiments. And for the love of all that’s holy, cut the cartoons and the stuffed bears, treat adults like adults, and expect a bit more of them.

Gillian Philip is a writer and a driver in the haulage industry.

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This is an anti-democratic attack on the independence of juries

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This is an anti-democratic attack on the independence of juries

A defence barrister is facing contempt-of-court proceedings after allegedly inviting a jury to act according to their consciences. Rajiv Menon KC was acting for Palestine Action activists, who had been charged with aggravated burglary for damaging the property of Elbit Systems, an Israeli arms manufacturer, near Bristol in August 2024. During their first trial at Woolwich Crown Court in January, at which they were acquitted (although, in a re-trial this week, four people were convicted on lesser charges of criminal damage), the trial judge had ruled that the barristers could not invite the jury to disregard his legal rulings. He also directed them not to invite the jury to acquit ‘on the basis of their conscience’.

In his closing address in January, Menon allegedly told the jurors that they could acquit according to their conscience, relying on Bushell’s Case from 1670, which is ordinarily recognised as having established the independence of the jury. He quoted a plaque at the Old Bailey stating that Bushell’s Case ‘established the right of juries to give their verdict according to their convictions’.

There is, of course, nothing in our constitution that expressly protects the right of a jury to completely abandon the evidence. But juries can, and sometimes do, return verdicts that appear to cut against the evidence or the strict application of the law. This is possible because of a combination of legal rules and constitutional traditions that protect juries’ independence.

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Bushell’s Case arose after a judge imprisoned a jury for refusing to return the verdict he wanted. There is plenty of argument about the applicability of that case to modern trials, but it at least established that jurors cannot be punished for their verdicts. It is also unlawful, because of separate rules, to enquire into the reasons for a jury’s decision. This means that even if we suspect that a jury has acted contrary to the evidence, there is no proper way to prove it. That combination of rules and traditions shows how hallowed the jury’s verdict is in our system.

That is a good thing. The whole point of a jury is to allow the wider community to participate in the justice system, free from the pressure of the institutions conducting the proceedings.

That is why these contempt proceedings are chilling. Without commenting on the individual case, lawyers should be able to draw a jury’s attention to its independence, the importance of its judgment and the fact that its verdict is ultimately its own. A jury should never be reduced to a rubber-stamping exercise. We should not be afraid of juries bringing the morals of wider society into the courtroom, including by refusing to convict where they cannot, in conscience, do so.

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Juries have always brought morality into proceedings. In the United States, jurors famously refused to convict people accused of helping enslaved people escape – a practice widely thought to have contributed to the end of slavery. In England, during the 18th and 19th centuries, the criminal law made many offences punishable by death, including minor property crimes. This became known as the ‘Bloody Code’. Jurors frequently refused to convict defendants, thereby sparing them from the gallows.

More recently, juries have returned what look like perverse verdicts in cases involving political protest, free speech and the limits of criminal liability. These cases allow the black-letter law to be tested against public morality. That is not a defect in the jury system. It is one of its essential democratic functions.

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So, solidarity with Rajiv Menon KC. The proceedings against him should concern anyone who believes that the justice system should remain democratically accountable through our juries.

Luke Gittos is a spiked columnist and author. His most recent book is Human Rights – Illusory Freedom: Why We Should Repeal the Human Rights Act, which is published by Zero Books. Order it here.

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These Sex Positions Can Actually Be Dangerous After 70

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Arthritis and other conditions may affect sex as you age.

As you age, your go-to sex positions might not age as gracefully alongside you. After decades of showing off your flexibility in bed, you may notice as you enter your 70s that your joints ache, your back hurts and you maybe can’t bend as easily as before.

Arthritis and other age-related conditions may also come into play – issues that likely didn’t affect you when you were younger. Not to mention there’s the age-old (no pun intended) myth that your sex life somehow “ends” after a certain age.

“Body image shifts, loss of a long-term partner and deeply internalised ageism are among the biggest barriers to intimacy after 70,” Alicia Sinclair, sex educator, founder and CEO of Le Wand, told HuffPost.

“Sexual desire doesn’t have an expiration date, and neither does the need for connection and pleasure. Open communication with a partner – being explicit about what feels good and what doesn’t – often leads to greater intimacy than couples experienced in earlier years.”

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Arthritis and other conditions may affect sex as you age.
Arthritis and other conditions may affect sex as you age.

Which means sex isn’t off the table after 70. Instead, it simply requires more adaptability and a better understanding of what works and what doesn’t.

Below is a list of sex positions that can become risky or uncomfortable after 70, – and expert-backed advice for what to try instead.

Traditional missionary (particularly for the bottom partner)

“This one catches people off guard,” according to Annette Benedetti, sex and intimacy coach and host of the podcast Talk Sex With Annette.

“Seventy-five percent of hip fractures happen in women, and bone density takes a nosedive after menopause. [The top partner’s] weight pressing down on [the bottom partner’s] hips and pelvis during missionary is exactly the kind of sustained force that can snap a fragile femur. Add vaginal atrophy and deep thrusting from above, and you’re also looking at vaginal tears and bleeding.”

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Adds Sinclair: “Lying flat with a partner’s weight on top can compress the spine and make it difficult to breathe, especially for anyone with osteoporosis, spinal stenosis or limited hip mobility.”

Instead, Sinclair recommends using a wedge or positioning pillow under the hips to reduce lumbar strain or shifting to a side-lying position that keeps the spine in a neutral position.

Benedetti suggests flipping the dynamic with a modified cowgirl position, with the receiving partner on top, sitting upright on their partner’s lap or kneeling. “[The kneeling position] is what orthopaedic specialists recommend for women with osteoporosis. She controls the depth, the pace, and the pressure goes through his body, not hers.”

Doggy style (kneeling)

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“Sustained kneeling puts significant pressure on the knees and wrists, and the position can destabilise the lower back,” Sinclair said. “For anyone with knee replacements, arthritis or balance issues, it’s a real injury risk.”

Benedetti adds that rear-entry positions with deep thrusting may also become uncomfortable over time. “With age – especially after menopause or other hormonal changes – internal tissues can become shorter, thinner and more sensitive. What once felt pleasurable can start to feel uncomfortable or even painful, with a higher risk of irritation or small tears.”

As an alternative, Sinclair recommends a supported standing variation, where one partner leans over a bed or cushioned surface, keeping weight off the knees entirely.

Another option is spooning. “You get a similar rear-entry angle and sense of closeness, but the receiving partner can control depth by adjusting their leg position,” Benedetti said. “It also removes pressure from the knees, wrists and shoulders, making it a much more comfortable choice overall.”

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Adapting your favorite sex positions to your body and your comfort is the right choice at every age.

Halfpoint Images via Getty Images

Adapting your favorite sex positions to your body and your comfort is the right choice at every age.

Legs up over shoulders positions

“This position demands hip flexion that older joints often can’t handle safely, especially for people with hip replacements or conditions like arthritis,” Benedetti said. “It can also create very deep penetration at a time when tissues may be more sensitive. That’s a challenging combination.”

The better option? Reclining with a pillow wedge under the hips. Keep the knees bent and slightly apart, with the hips gently elevated to achieve a similar angle — without putting excess strain on the joints. This allows for better alignment and comfort while reducing orthopaedic risk.

Cowgirl / reverse cowgirl (on top)

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“This requires quad strength, hip flexibility and balance – all of which decline with age,” Sinclair said. “A fall or sudden movement can cause hip fractures or knee injuries, which are among the most serious fall-related injuries in older adults.”

If you’re keen on doing the position, Sinclair recommends using a supported seated straddle – sitting face-to-face in a sturdy chair or using a dedicated intimate machine like The Cowgirl with a low, stable platform, which distributes weight differently and reduces fall risk dramatically.

Standing sex

“Balance and bone density both decline after 70, and the one-year mortality rate after a hip fracture sits around 25%,” Benedetti said. “A fall during sex isn’t a punchline; it’s a serious event.”

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What can you do instead? Benedetti suggests using a sturdy armchair. One partner sits while the other straddles. Face-to-face, full-body contact – all the closeness without the risk of a fall.

Sex might look and feel different in your 70s than it did in previous decades, but it doesn’t mean it has to feel less pleasurable. With a better understanding of the body’s changing needs, couples can adapt their sex life rather than give up on it.

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Sky News Presenter Says Keir Starmer Is Not Waving But Drowning

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Sky News Presenter Says Keir Starmer Is Not Waving But Drowning

Keir Starmer is “not waving, but drowning” as he struggles to fight off attempts to kick him out of Downing Street, a Sky News presenter has declared.

Trevor Phillips said “the vultures are circling” around the prime minister in the wake of Labour’s latest election catastrophe.

The party is on course to lose around 1,500 councillors in England following a surge in support for Reform UK and the Green Party.

Labour also lost power in the Welsh Senedd for the first time ever, and was defeated once again by the SNP at Holyrood.

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In response, Starmer insisted he “won’t walk away” from his job, and even suggested that he will be PM for another eight years.

On Saturday, the prime minister shocked Westminster by handing jobs to Labour grandees Gordon Brown and Harriet Harman.

Meanwhile, Labour backbencher Catherine West said she will trigger a leadership election unless the cabinet ousts him.

On Sky News this morning, Phillips said: “The smart money says the prime minister won’t be winkled out of Downing Street, but the vultures are circling.”

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In a powerful monologue, Phillips added: “On May 7 the British people spoke, and they were brutal. They gave Nigel Farage a fighting force of nearly 1,500 councillors. They boosted [Green Party leader] Zack Polanski’s ranks by getting on for another 500.

“They put leaders in Edinburgh and Cardiff who ultimately want to break up the UK.

“What they said to Sir Keir Starmer was unambiguous: we think your government is a massive letdown, we really can’t see the point of your party and what’s more we really don’t like you very much either.

“The Labour Party is in chaos, with a backbencher threatening to trigger a leadership contest, and several of Starmer’s cabinet members jostling to replace him.

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“The prime minister is going to respond tomorrow in what we are promised is a major speech. To rescue his leadership he’ll need something a bit more persuasive than his initial response on Friday morning, which amounted to ‘yes I made mistakes, the biggest of which is not to tell people frequently enough and loudly enough that everything I’ve done is right’.

“It’s quite hard to imagine voters in Barnsley or Hartlepool or Thurrock, where Labour were swept away by Reform, turning to their friends and crying ’if only I’d known they’d bring back Gordon Brown and Harriet Harman, I’d definitely have voted for Keir instead of Nigel.

“The prime minister is signalling frantically that he plans to keep going. He talked about being set for a 10 year run. But for all the stirring words and the bravado, this weekend he seems to me, and to many others, to be a man who is not waving, but drowning.”

Subscribe to Commons People, the podcast that makes politics easy. Every week, Kevin Schofield and Kate Nicholson unpack the week’s biggest stories to keep you informed. Join us for straightforward analysis of what’s going on at Westminster.

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Why Gardeners Should Use A Spoon For Watering Plants

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Why Gardeners Should Use A Spoon For Watering Plants

We’ve written before about how using a paintbrush on your tomato plants can help to ensure a fruitful bounty, as you can use the tool to self-pollinate them.

And now, gardener and author Simon Akeroyd has shared that when it comes time to water your soil – especially if it has seedlings or freshly-sown seeds – a spoon could be your secret weapon.

How can a spoon help me to water my plants better?

In an Instagram post, he said that watering soil can help new seeds germinate, but doing so over a large area can be tiring “if you only have a watering can with no attachment”.

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Removable heads that attach to the nozzle of your watering can, like “rose” style sprinkler heads, can make the process faster and ensure the even distribution of water.

You can get similar results with various hose attachments, the gardener added.

But, Akeroyd continued, “my tip for a wider distribution of watering is to attach a spoon to the end of your nozzle”.

He does that using cable ties. Others have used tape.

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That way, when you tip the can forward, water fans out from the bowl of the spoon rather than streaming in a straight line.

This is especially useful for “broadcast sowing”, Akeroyd continued, stating that “Seeds that you might broadcast sow include mustard, green manures, lawn seed, wildflowers, etc.”

Any other tips?

Yes. Akeroyd said in his clip that if you live in the UK, another way to water pre-seed soil is to simply wait for the rain to come.

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Even if you’re using a watering can, this may still be sage advice.

Rainwater is significantly better for your plants than water from the tap, partly because its slightly acidic nature allows it and its nutrients to reach your plants’ roots sooner.

It is a little dirtier, but that’s no bad thing. The Ecological Landscape Alliance (ELA) said that a bit of grime in your water works “like a light application of fertiliser”.

And if your rainwater falls during a storm, even better. Lighting releases soil-friendly nitrates, and while most forms of nitrogen, which is crucial for soil and plant health, aren’t easily absorbed by greenery, nitrates found in rain are incredibly easy for your flowers to process.

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Collect rainwater using a water butt or mulching to retain nature’s greatest gift to gardeners.

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5 ADHD Patterns Psychiatrists Say Go Missed In Adults

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5 ADHD Patterns Psychiatrists Say Go Missed In Adults

In the UK, NHS ADHD lists have soared to an estimated 700,000 people.

That includes more and more adults, though experts are pretty confident there is no so-called ADHD “overdiagnosis” problem in the UK. In fact, ADHD UK expects there are about two million undiagnosed cases in the UK.

Per experts from Berkeley Psychiatrists, that’s partly because signs of ADHD often go missed or misdiagnosed in adults, “especially women”.

They added, “In practice, many women are labelled as anxious, overwhelmed or disorganised, rather than their experiences being recognised as ADHD. There’s also pressure to appear organised and in control, so people develop ways of coping that can mask the condition”.

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Whatever your gender, they shared some possible ADHD-related patterns that can go under the radar, “particularly when symptoms don’t match traditional expectations”:

1) Seeming to “cope well”, despite being burnt out

This can look like “high-achievers relying on rigid systems or overworking,” the experts said.

Speaking to HuffPost UK previously, consultant psychiatrist Dr Stefan Ivantu of the ADHD specialist said: “signs of ADHD are frequently misinterpreted as burnout in undiagnosed adults… The exhaustion often comes from the immense effort required to fit in and function in a neurotypical environment, [like] the average workplace.”

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2) Less visible hyperactivity

Not all hyperactivity involves physical fidgeting, the experts said. It can include an “overactive mind rather than physical restlessness”.

Some forms of ADHD don’t have hyperactivity as a symptom at all.

3) Being misdiagnosed

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ADHD can sometimes be mistaken for other conditions, like depression or anxiety.

“One of the main issues we see is over-reliance on symptom checklists,” the psychiatrists said. “ADHD can’t be diagnosed from a questionnaire alone; many traits overlap with anxiety, trauma or burnout.”

4) ADHD that’s been “masked” by other conditions

Meanwhile, sometimes ADHD really does occur alongside other conditions. For instance, autistic people are more likely than those without autism to have ADHD. When the two co-occur, it’s called AuDHD.

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And, the psychiatrists told us, “Difficulties like inattention or restlessness can stem from anxiety, depression or environmental stress, not just ADHD.”

That might mean that an existing condition leads to ADHD going undiagnosed.

5) Only getting a diagnosis when at breaking point

We’ve written before about how menopausal women are increasingly being diagnosed with ADHD, in part because symptoms they’d been able to mask for years seem to come to the surface during the life stage.

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“We often see ADHD become more noticeable during periods of hormonal change, when coping strategies are no longer as effective. For many women, this is when they seek support or receive a diagnosis for the first time,” the experts said.

What if I think I may have ADHD?

The psychiatrists said that you need to see an expert to get a diagnosis.

“There’s been a clear rise in awareness, which is positive,” the clinicians said. “But some online narratives oversimplify what a complex condition is.

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“A thorough assessment looks at the full picture. That includes developmental history, current functioning, and whether there may be other factors contributing to those experiences. Without that level of depth, there’s a risk of both missing ADHD where it is present and identifying it where it isn’t.”

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14 Products To Stop Hay Fever Symptoms

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14 Products To Stop Hay Fever Symptoms

We hope you love the products we recommend! All of them were independently selected by our editors. Just so you know, HuffPost UK may collect a share of sales or other compensation from the links on this page if you decide to shop from them. Oh, and FYI — prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

Every year, I’m buzzing for summer to roll around so I can frolic around in meadows and lie in the sun.

But then the reality of hay fever hits me around March time, and I lose all fantasies of an idyllic pastoral life in an instant.

The pollen count seems to get worse each year, too. It’s not just me: thanks to climate change messing with the weather, pollen season now lasts one to two weeks longer than it did less than three decades ago.

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You know what that means: extra days of sneezing, itchy eyes, a runny nose, and dry throat. Joy of joys!

If, like me, you’re looking for something, anything, to help minimise the effects of hay fever, we’ve found 14 products that aren’t antihistamines to help deal with pesky pollen allergies.

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17 TV Shows That Almost Had Very Different A-List Actors In Their Casts

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Emilia Clarke and Kit Harington in Game Of Thrones

For many of us, there is no greater comfort than rewatching our favourite shows – to the point that those familiar characters can begin to feel like close friends.

Because of this, it can be near impossible to imagine anyone else but the line-up of actors we know and love appearing in these series.

However, what you might not know, no matter how many times you have binge-watched them, is that some of the most popular shows in TV history almost had a very different cast.

With that in mind, we’ve rounded up 17 hit shows that almost had completely different A-list stars in their casts…

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Elizabeth Olsen, Millie Bobby Brown, Sam Heughan and Mahershala Ali all didn’t make the cut for Game Of Thrones

Emilia Clarke and Kit Harington in Game Of Thrones
Emilia Clarke and Kit Harington in Game Of Thrones

It sometimes felt like every actor in the world was in Game Of Thrones, but there are a few famous faces who didn’t make the cut, after auditioning for roles in the fantasy drama.

In 2021, Elizabeth Olsen told The Hollywood Reporter’s Awards Chatter podcast that she auditioned for the part of Daenerys in Game Of Thrones, but didn’t get a callback for the role which made Emilia Clarke a global household name.

“I auditioned for, like, the assistant to the casting director in a small room in New York with just a camera on me and them reading the script,” she claimed. “I was doing the Khaleesi speech when she comes out of the fire. It was awful.”

Another A-lister who claims they “blew” their Game Of Thrones was Mahershala Ali. The two-time Oscar winner auditioned for the part of Xaro Xhoan Daxos, a merchant in Qarth, during season two, telling Jimmy Kimmel that it was the “worst audition of his life”.

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Outlander star Sam Heughan, meanwhile, had multiple chances to appear on Game Of Thrones, auditioning to play Loras Tyrell, Renly Baratheon and several members of the Night’s Watch, but never landing any of them.

“I’d always get so close! I’d be like, ‘Guys, just give me a sword!’,” he told Vulture in 2014, lamenting: “Everyone was going in for those parts.”

Lastly, Millie Bobby Brown’s failure to land the role of Lyanna Mormont in the fantasy drama almost led her to quitting acting before her career had even taken off.

Millie Bobby Brown auditioned for Game Of Thrones in the early years of her career as a child actor
Millie Bobby Brown auditioned for Game Of Thrones in the early years of her career as a child actor

“I was auditioning for commercials, anything really,” the British star told Jimmy Kimmel in 2020. “I then auditioned for Game Of Thrones and I got a no for that. That’s kind of when I was like, ‘Oh, this is really difficult’.”

The role of Lyanna eventually went to Bella Ramsey, who now stars in The Last Of Us (and will next be seen in the upcoming season of The Celebrity Traitors).

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Despite being one of the biggest shows of the 21st century, a long list of other actors also turned down roles in Game Of Thrones.

Hunger Games actor Sam Claflin dropped out of the audition process for Jon Snow after being offered a major movie role.

Despite the show’s success, he doesn’t regret this decision, telling Cinema Blend: “I like getting into things like that [as a viewer] and not being a part, because I always find it’s very jarring if I was part of it. But I’m a big fan.”

Gillian Anderson also rejected an unspecified role in the show, telling the Daily Mail back in 2013: “If I am going to be spending that amount of time working on something, I would rather be working with a director like Martin Scorsese.”

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Succession actor Brian Cox turned down the role of Robert Baratheon, complaining in 2016 to Vodzilla that the show wouldn’t pay him enough, a complaint he later regretted.

“Now they have more money,” he continued. “And I was silly. I was silly, it was silly, because I’m a complete addict now.”

Before Succession, Brian Cox was offered a key role in Game Of Thrones but turned it down
Before Succession, Brian Cox was offered a key role in Game Of Thrones but turned it down

In his memoir, Putting The Rabbit In The Hat, Brian wrote: “There’s always been a tendency of American productions to treat British actors differently from American actors,” he said. “In other words, to get them cheap.”

The Crown star Dominic West was another big name who rejected a role in the fantasy show, admitting he was put off by the prospect of spending six months shooting in Iceland.

Many fans believe the actor was referring to the role of Mance Rayder, the King Beyond the Wall, which eventually went to Ciarán Hinds.

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“It was a lovely part, a good part. I’m going to regret it,” he told HuffPost in 2012. “My problem is, I’ve got four kids, and at the moment, I’m reluctant to be away from home for a long time.”

Lily Allen quite rightly turned down the role of playing Yara Greyjoy, alongside her real-life brother Alfie Allen, who starred as Theon Greyjoy.

“They asked me if I’d be interested in playing Theon’s sister,” Lily claimed during a Reddit “Ask Me Anything” session.

“I felt uncomfortable because I would have had to go on a horse and he would have touched me up and shit. Once they told me what was entailed, I said, ‘no thanks’.”

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Jennifer Lawrence, Lily Collins and Dakota Johnson all auditioned for Gossip Girl

Blake Lively and Taylor Momsen in Gossip Girl
Blake Lively and Taylor Momsen in Gossip Girl

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Gossip Girl creator Josh Schwartz has revealed that a then-16-year-old Jennifer Lawrence auditioned to play Serena van der Woodsen, the role which launched Blake Lively to fame.

“We did not realise this at the time, but Jennifer really wanted to play Serena and auditioned,” he told Vulture in 2018.

“This story came to us secondhand – but we were told she definitely auditioned and was bummed to not get it.”

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Lily Collins auditioned for the show, too, with the hopes of playing Taylor Momsen’s character, Jenny.

She recalled to Glamour: “I was about 17 or 18 years old at the time. I remember driving onto the lot and going, ‘Oh my God. This is surreal’,

“It was one of those OMG moments,” she laughed. “Whether or not I got it, I knew I could say I screen tested on the lot and one day I want to work at one of these [studios],” the Emily In Paris actor added.

Gossip Girl casting director David Rapaport also told E! that the pilot starred Jessica Jones actor Krysten Ritter and Pitch Perfect star Brittany Snow, and that Dakota Johnson, Rooney Mara and Nina Dobrev all auditioned for the teen drama.

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Although Kristen Bell was the top pick to voice Gossip Girl, both Christina Ricci and Selma Blair were “in the mix” as possible candidates, according to the executive producer.

Dawson’s Creek almost starred Selma Blair and Katherine Heigl

Michelle Williams, James Van Der Beek, Katie Holmes and Joshua Jackson in Dawson's Creek
Michelle Williams, James Van Der Beek, Katie Holmes and Joshua Jackson in Dawson’s Creek

Globe Photos/ZUMA Press Wire/Shutterstock

Katie Holmes, James Van Der Beek, Michelle Williams and Joshua Jackson changed the TV landscape forever with their coming-of-age TV drama Dawson’s Creek but they weren’t the original casting choices.

Creator Kevin Williamson told Entertainment Weekly in 2018 that Selma Blair was his first choice for Joey Potter, before seeing Katie Holmes’ audition.

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“I really loved Selma until, of course, I got the infamous videotape from the basement of the Holmes family in Toledo, Ohio,” Kevin said.

“And when that video showed up, it changed my whole life.”

Grey’s Anatomy actor Katherine Heigl also nearly starred in the iconic 90s teen drama, auditioning for the role of Joey Potter, which ultimately went to Michelle Williams.

“She looked slightly older at that time. Even though she was younger, I just think she was more mature,” Kevin explained in the same interview. “She gave a great audition, I remember we were all sort of like, ‘Wow, she’s good.’”

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Modern Family’s Jesse Tyler Fergurson, Charlie Hunnam and Adam Brody also all auditioned for the show.

There is an alternative universe where Vince Vaughn, Kristin Davis and Jon Favreau were in Friends

The stars of Friends pictured during the show's first season
The stars of Friends pictured during the show’s first season

NBCUniversal via Getty Images

It’s hard to imagine anyone else playing Phoebe, Joey, Rachel, Ross, Chandler and Monica in Friends, but the road to those stars being cast was an especially arduous one.

During a 2015 interview with HuffPost, Friends casting director Ellie Kanner opened up about the difficulties of casting an ensemble of six.

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MCU actor and director Jon Favreau was one of the many in the running to play Chandler, but turned it down to concentrate on his own career writing and directing.

Two And A Half Men star Jon Cryer also auditioned for Chandler, but his tape never even made it to the show’s creators, getting lost in transit.

Meanwhile, Tea Leoni was the first choice to play Rachel Green, but turned it down to star in another sitcom, The Naked Truth, which aired for three seasons.

30 Rock icon Jane Krakowski also auditioned for the role that eventually became a star-making turn for Jennifer Aniston.

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“I, like almost every actor, auditioned for Friends,” the Broadway star told Giuliana Rancic at the 2015 Emmys. “I wish I had gotten that one… I didn’t go very far [in the audition process].”

Before landing her big break on The King of Queens, Leah Remini made it through several rounds of auditions to play Monica.

“I was devastated that I didn’t get it. We all knew it would be a huge hit. We just knew it,” Leah told MediaVillage.

Sex And The City’s own Kristin Davis also told James Corden in 2021 that she was was ”one of like 8,000 young ladies who read for Monica”, but didn’t get the part.

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Vince Vaughn tried out for Friends back in the day, hoping to get cast as Joey
Vince Vaughn tried out for Friends back in the day, hoping to get cast as Joey

One of the many actors to audition for the role of Joey Tribbiani was Vince Vaughn, as did The Simpsons voice actor Hank Azaria, who eventually became known to Friends fans as Phoebe’s boyfriend David.

“I auditioned for Joey, and didn’t get it, and I was like, ‘No, no, I have to go back, I have to try again’,” Hank said during an appearance on The Late, Late Show.

“So, I bulled my way back in for a second time and they were very kind and watched my audition, and then threw me out. Spoiler alert, I didn’t get the role of Joey.”

Taraji P Henson and Gabrielle Union could have played Olivia Pope in Scandal

Kerry Washington as Olivia Pope in Scandal
Kerry Washington as Olivia Pope in Scandal

Shondaland/Abc Studios/Kobal/Shutterstock

In the early stages of the casting process, The White Lotus actor Connie Britton was the first choice by play political fixer Olivia Pope in Scandal, until the show’s creator Shonda Rhimes stepped in.

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She felt it was important that the role should go to a Black actor, with Kerry Washington eventually landing the part.

Taraji P. Henson has revealed she auditioned to play the character, even though she knew already that Kerry was a better fit for the part.

“When I went in to read for Shonda Rhimes, in my mind I was like, ‘this is Kerry Washington. Why am I even in here?’,” she told Power 105.1′s Angie Martinez.

Bring It On star Gabrielle Union has claimed she was in the final running to play Olivia Pope before Kerry was cast.

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“I was one of the last five or 10 to audition,” she said in a 2013 interview with Rolling Out. “When Kerry got it, I congratulated her. Now after each episode, I’m leading the charge, like Gladiators, stand up! I’m obsessed with the show.”

Nicola Coughlan could have been in Stranger Things

The final season of Stranger Things premiered on Netflix in 2025
The final season of Stranger Things premiered on Netflix in 2025

In March 2026, Nicola was asked during a radio interview if there were any “near-miss” roles in her past, befre admitting to having tried out for Netflix’s hit 80s-set series.

“It would be generous to myself to say I narrowly missed out on it,” she claimed. “But I did a first-round audition for Stranger Things.”

Fortunately, the Irish actor is not too bitter she didn’t land the role.

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“You know when you watch a show and you go, ‘oh well, thank God I didn’t get that, because I would have been way worse!’,” she joked.

“I don’t think I was anywhere close to being in Stranger Things, but I did audition,” she added.

Benedict Cumberbatch and Jessica Chastain were nearly Bill and Sookie in True Blood

Stephen Moyer and Anna Paquin in True Blood
Stephen Moyer and Anna Paquin in True Blood

True Blood creator Alan Ball revealed that Benedict Cumberbatch auditioned to play the lead vampire role of Bill Compton in True Blood.

Speaking in 2018, for the show’s 10th anniversary, Alan also shared that Jessica Chastain read for the part of Sookie.

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The characters were eventually portrayed on screen by Stephen Moyer and Anna Paquin, who married in real life after appearing on the supernatural show.

Alan also told The Hollywood Reporter: “Jennifer Lawrence read for, in season three, there’s this werepanther girl, and she was great”.

However, it was decided that Jen would be an inappropriate casting choice to play Jason’s girlfriend, given she was only 17 at the time.

Dakota Johnson and Elizabeth Olsen were among the stars who auditioned for lead roles in Girls

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Allison Williams, Jemima Kirke, Lena Dunham and Zosia Mamet in Girls
Allison Williams, Jemima Kirke, Lena Dunham and Zosia Mamet in Girls

In her recent memoir Famesick, Lena Dunham opened up about some of the A-list stars who tried out for roles in Girls, before the show’s central quartet were all cast.

The Emmy winner explained that Wandavision’s Elizabeth Olsen, Fifty Shades Of Grey’s Dakota Johnson, Black Mirror’s Cristin Milioti and comedian Amy Schumer tried out “several times” for her US comedy.

Lena previously wrote in her newsletter that Amy had auditioned for the role of Shoshanna, but “it was clear Amy wasn’t meant to play an innocent Juicy Couture lover obsessed with emoji – even if her Meatpacking District club lingo was the funniest shit I had ever heard”.

“When she left the room, the vibe was very ‘Someone give that lady a show, STAT!’” Lena added.

Jenny Slate who played Hannah’s high school nemesis Tally Schifrin in the series, was originally up for the role of uptight Marnie, a role Allison Williams was cast in.

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“At the time the show Girls was being cast, and I went in a bunch of times for the role of Marnie,” she said on the Las Culturistas podcast.

Gillian Anderson declined a major part in Downton Abbey

Elizabeth McGovern and Hugh Bonneville in Downton Abbey
Elizabeth McGovern and Hugh Bonneville in Downton Abbey

Jaap Buitendijk/Focus/Kobal/Shutterstock

It wasn’t just Game Of Thrones that Gillian Anderson turned down – she also rejected the role of Lady Cora in Downton Abbey.

Back in 2012, she told TV Guide that she hoped her work in the TV adaptation of Great Expectations would be embraced “with the same love that flowed toward Downton Abbey”.

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“I was actually offered a part in Downton,” she then added, referring to the role which would eventually be taken on my Elizabeth McGovern.

Matt LeBlanc almost joined another iconic sitcom after Friends ended

The stars of Modern Family pictured on set in 2009
The stars of Modern Family pictured on set in 2009

Mario Perez/Abc-Tv/Kobal/Shutterstock

When the short-lived Friends spin-off Joey was cancelled, Matt LeBlanc had the opportunity to return to the sitcom world in another show that became a smash hit.

Speaking to USA Today, Matt explained that the script for Modern Family wound up on his desk, with an offer to play the role of the dorky patriarch Phil Dunphy.

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“I remember reading it thinking, ‘this is a really good script, [but] I’m not the guy for this’,” he said. “I’d be doing the project an injustice to take this.”

The role, of course, went to Ty Burrell, who it’s hard to argue is perfect for the part.

Judy Greer also revealed she was asked to audition for Phil’s wife, Claire, but didn’t want to play a character with children.

“I was really torn about it, but I ended up obviously not,” the told the Dinner’s On Me podcast, hosted by Modern Family’s own Jesse Tyler Ferguson.

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“Who knows if I would have even gotten it anyway? I was just like, ‘I don’t know if I want to be America’s mom yet’.”

Can you picture anyone else in Breaking Bad but Bryan Cranston?

Bryan Cranston as Walter White in Breaking Bad
Bryan Cranston as Walter White in Breaking Bad

Before Bryan Cranston was cast as Walter White, the creators of the show had John Cusack and Mathew Broderick on their initial lists to play the science teacher turned drug kingpin.

The US broadcaster AMC and the show’s creator Vince Gilligan have both claimed these actors were sent scripts, although John Cusack insisted on social media in 2013 that he would never have turned down the role of Walter, branding the suggestion “crazy”.

Sarah Michelle Gellar wasn’t the first choice to play Buffy The Vampire Slayer

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Sarah Michelle Gellar in character as Buffy Summers
Sarah Michelle Gellar in character as Buffy Summers

It looks like every young woman in 90s Hollywood was being eyed to play the lead role in Buffy The Vampire Slayer before Sarah Michele Gellar landed the gig.

Before being cast in her breakout role on Dawson’s Creek, Katie Holmes was offered the part of Buffy Summers in the iconic supernatural drama, but she decided to finish high school instead.

Selma Blair – who we know now almost appeared in Dawson’s Creek herself – revealed on Instagram in 2018 that she had also auditioned to play the vampire slayer but “didn’t even come close”.

Natasha Lyonne has claimed she was sent scripts for both Buffy and Dawson’s Creek after her performance in Everyone Says I Love You, but “did not want to be committed when I was 16 years old” to a demanding TV schedule.

It wasn’t just Buffy who actors were lining up to play, either.

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Natasha Lyonne was offered the role of Buffy but turned it down
Natasha Lyonne was offered the role of Buffy but turned it down

Yellowjackets actor Melanie Lynskey told Shut Up Evan that she was in the running to star as Willow, a role ultimately played by Alyson Hannigan.

Years before he was an A-lister and football club owner, Ryan Reynolds turned down playing Xanders, a role made famous by the late Nicholas Brendon.

“My biggest concern was that I didn’t want to play a guy in high school,” Ryan explained to the Toronto Star in 2008.

“I had just come out of high school, and it was fucking awful.”

Michael Keaton turned down the role of Jack on Lost because he wanted the character to die in the first episode

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Lost was a TV phenomenon when it premiered in the mid-2000s
Lost was a TV phenomenon when it premiered in the mid-2000s

Florian Schneider / Disney

Beetlejuice actor Michael Keaton was originally set to play Jack Shepherd on Lost but, rather unusually, didn’t like the fact that the character would live for so long.

You see, Jack was originally going to be killed off in the first episode as a way to subvert audience’s expectations, something that attracted the Birdman star to the project.

“I think what happened was – and I’ve never really talked to [Lost co-creator J.J. Abrams] about this – he thought better of [the twist of Jack dying in the pilot],” he explained during a 2017 appearance on The Hollywood Reporter’s Awards Chatter podcast. “Or the studio said ’That ain’t gonna happen’.

“And then there was kind of a half a conversation, like, ‘Well, do you have any more interest?’…”

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You can probably guess that he didn’t, which is Matthew Fox came to play the character in all six seasons of Lost.

Rob Lowe was one of many stars who turned down parts in Grey’s Anatomy

The stars of Grey's Anatomy in 2005
The stars of Grey’s Anatomy in 2005

Ron Tom/Abc-Tv/Kobal/Shutterstock

Several A-listers almost starred in Grey’s Anatomy before the long-running medical drama landed on our screens, most notably Rob Lowe, who passed on playing Derek “McDreamy” Shepherd.

Rob stands by saying no to that iconic role, telling E! about he silver linings of his choice.

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“Me in that part isn’t as interesting as Patrick in that part,” he insisted. “If it’d been me, they wouldn’t have called me ‘McDreamy,’ they would have called me Rob Lowe’.”

“Had I done Grey’s, I wouldn’t have been in Parks and Recreation. That alone for me is enough,” he added.

Joshua Jackson was also almost Owen Hunt on Grey’s before Kevin McKidd was brought in.

The Dawson’s Creek actor originally said yes to the role until the 2008 Writer’s Strike led to disruption, and Joshua chose to instead appear in Fringe.

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Chris Pine could have been a lead in The O.C.

The O.C. ran for four seasons between 2003 and 2007
The O.C. ran for four seasons between 2003 and 2007

LlLl/Globe Photos/ZUMA Press Wire/Shutterstock

Chris Pine almost played Ryan Atwood in The O.C. but lost the role to Ben McKenzie.

Appearing on an episode of Josh Horowitz’s podcast Happy Sad Confused, Chris claimed: “I had awful skin as a teenager and then when I came after college, my skin started breaking out again.”

In TV critic Alan Sepinwall’s 2023 book Welcome to the O.C.: The Oral History, casting director Patrick Rush confirmed that while Chris was “really good” in his audition, he “was at the age where he was experiencing really bad skin problems”, which put him out of the running.

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Patrick wrote: “It was at that point where it looked insurmountable. And as a kid who grew up with horrible skin, it just broke my heart. But Chris Pine’s fine now.”

At one point, Hugh Grant was in the running to replace Charlie Sheen in Two And A Half Men

Ashton Kutcher and Jon Cryer in the later years of Two And A Half Men
Ashton Kutcher and Jon Cryer in the later years of Two And A Half Men

Warner Bros Tv/Chuck Lorre Prod/Kobal/Shutterstock

Hugh Grant was actually one of producers’ top choices to replace Charlie Sheen on Two And A Half Men in 2011.

Years later, the English actor revealed that he had been offered a “stratospheric” amount of money to join the sitcom, but had reservations when he met with the creative team.

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“They didn’t have a script or a new character,” Hugh told Howard Stern in 2016. “They just said, ‘Trust us, we’ll create one’.”

“I said, ‘well, you’re obviously brilliantly talented because I like that show’ and they make brilliant TV shows, but I said I’m I’m too scared to sign up without a script,” he claimed.

Ashton Kutcher would eventually take on a role within Two And A Half Men, which ran for four further seasons after Charlie’s infamous exit.

A whole host of stars were in the running to play Carrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City – while Alec Baldwin was originally eyed for the role of Mr Big

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Sarah Jessica Parker and Chris Noth in Sex And The City
Sarah Jessica Parker and Chris Noth in Sex And The City

Sarah Jessica Parker is perfect as Carrie, but lots of other actors had the opportunity to walk in her Manolos.

Riverdale’s Mädchen Amick was reportedly to have first been offered the role by the show’s creator, Darren Star.

In that version, the show would have been a spin-off vehicle for Carrie Fairchild, the character she played in Central Park West. However, Mädchen is said to have turned down the role to prioritise her family.

Desperate Housewives actor Dana Delany was also offered the role of Carrie, but apparently passed because she felt she was too closely associated with sex-related shows after appearing in Nude Girls and Exit To Eden.

House actor Lisa Edelstein also auditioned for Carrie and was even considered an alternate for if Sarah Jessica left the project.

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Lisa told Access Hollywood: “I was either going to do it or not. It all depended on whether she said yes. My contract was complete. I was waiting.”

Kristin Davis also originally auditioned to play Carrie before being cast as uptight Charlotte York.

Meanwhile, Pose star Sandra Bernhard once told Howard Stern that she was asked if she was interested in playing Miranda Hobbes, but passed on it because she didn’t rate the original script, which she branded “terrible”.

Chris Noth wasn’t the first person considered to play Mr Big, either. In fact, Darren Star once revealed that Alec Baldwin was his first thought for the role, until he met Chris in person “and thought he was perfect”.

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Sex And The City boss wanted Aidan Quinn to play Aidan before Jon Corbett was cast
Sex And The City boss wanted Aidan Quinn to play Aidan before Jon Corbett was cast

Darren Star has also revealed that the role of Aidan Shaw nearly went to Aidan Quinn rather than John Corbett, but the star they wanted was unavailable.

“We kept ‘Aidan’ because we loved the name,” he noted.

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Legends Season 2: What We Know About The Netflix Crime Drama’s Future

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Tom Burke's performance as Guy in Legends has also been praised

Netflix could well have another hit on its hands with its new true crime drama Legends.

Helmed by The Gold creator Neil Forsyth and led by a sprawling all-star cast that includes Steve Coogan and Tom Burke, the six-part series has already earned positive reviews, and slowly began climbing the streaming service’s chart of most-watched shows upon its release last week.

With just six episodes in total and a gripping true story at its centre, Legends makes for ideal binge-viewing – but that does also mean that you may well have finished the whole thing by the end of the weekend.

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Naturally, you might now be pondering whether or not more episodes of Legends could be coming in the future, so here’s a quick guide to everything we know at the moment…

Could there be a season 2 of Legends on Netflix?

Tom Burke's performance as Guy in Legends has also been praised
Tom Burke’s performance as Guy in Legends has also been praised

The first thing to note is that Legends is based on a true story, which is wrapped up pretty well by the finale, so our immediate gut feeling is that it’s unlikely more episodes of Legends could be coming.

However, one glimmer of hope there could be for Legends viewers about the future of the show is that it’s not explicitly billed as a “miniseries” or “limited series” on Netflix, which its past offerings only intended to run for one season have said.

One interesting theory put forward by Radio Times is that if Netflix did want to carry Legends on, Neil Forsyth could look at other similar cases of ordinary people winding up in extraordinary circumstances, or undercover cases that made for great stories.

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What should you stream next if you loved Legends?

Before Legends, Neil Forsyth oversaw the BBC drama The Gold
Before Legends, Neil Forsyth oversaw the BBC drama The Gold

BBC/Tannadice Pictures/Des Willie/Cristina RÃos Bordón

Both seasons of Neil Forsyth’s hit show The Gold are streaming on BBC iPlayer.

Starring Dominic Cooper and Hugh Bonneville, The Gold also features appearances from several Legends cast members, including Tom Hughes, Joshua Samuels and Thomas Coombes.

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My Profoundly Disabled Daughter Remains Undiagnosed

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The author's favorite photo with her daughter.

I often catch my multiply disabled daughter Millie in this pose: leaning forward in her rocker and staring at her lap, frowning.

My husband stands four feet from her, picking the first notes of a blues riff on his electric guitar. Millie smiles faintly when she recognises the clip-clop of the beat. As the G chord gives way to the C, and back to the G, she grins and sets her chair swinging. Next comes D, with its strong pull back to the opening note, and she snorts and cackles as my husband finishes the riff.

Sometimes, when he walks past Millie, he just hums the riff – ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum – and the simple rhythm sung out loud makes her explode with laughter. I remarried a year ago, and Millie hasn’t known my husband long. But she still gets the joke.

Millie is 25 years old. She doesn’t walk on her own, or feed herself, or communicate with signs or symbols. Yet she lives along with the rest of us in a world of patterns and predictions, a world in which we wait for “tock” when we hear “tick”.

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“The sense of an ending:” that’s what the literary theorist Frank Kermode called this most human of tendencies; he argued that it was the elementary structure of every story. Even though Millie can’t tell a story, or to my knowledge, understand one, she shares this sensibility. She lives knowingly in music, at play in the interval between beginnings and ends.

The most profound of beginnings and ends are those marking the opening and closing of a life. Our children die. But we act like they’ll live forever. We’re the ancestors; they’re the descendants – that’s how kinship is supposed to work.

It’s different when our children are profoundly disabled. Their lives are fragile and wondrous. Their life expectancy is more than a statistic; it’s a fact to reckon with. The longer you’ve loved them, the more it overshadows your days.

Millie is undiagnosed. Which means many things. Among them is the fact that I have no idea how long she will live.

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Millie was 10 months old when the extent of her disabilities became evident. She’d had a normal birth and what looked like a normal early infancy, before missing all the developmental milestones.

No smiling, rolling, sitting, crawling. No babbling, looking into my eyes, or following my gaze. Our first geneticist tested her for the usual suspects: Rett Syndrome, Angelman Syndrome, plus some metabolic disorders. The lab techs sequenced, and sequenced again, but ruled all these conditions out.

This came as a blow, because Millie’s father and I wanted a road map. Back then, we were still thinking like most new parents. Millie’s childhood was our term of office. We were obsessed with the first 20 years of our daughter’s existence: the slow trip to the top of the rollercoaster, not the twists and turns that would confront her on the way back down.

When the doctors and therapists told us that Millie was “delayed”, we did everything we could to help her catch up. Our job was to help our daughter gather enough momentum to carry her through the rest of her life. We never gave a thought to how long the ride would last.

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Then Millie’s father died of a heart attack, an end that expunged all thoughts of the future. I stepped off the rollercoaster and clung to my children, no longer worrying about who they would become. I made peace with the idea that Millie was just Millie – no labels or game plans required.

I went to work getting her the support she needed. The insurance company covered her wheelchair. The school district signed off on her services. I came up with my own answers for family and friends.

Then I learned something that made me long for a diagnosis again. Millie had begun taking the most benign drug for seizures when she was seven; in her late teens, it stopped working.

I had hoped she would grow out of seizures; instead, she was growing into them. They were getting worse. Millie might not lead a long life.

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Millie’s doctors still thought that she showed signs of Rett Syndrome. Patients with Rett Syndrome have an average age of death of about 24 years – a year younger than my daughter. People with Rett Syndrome – who are almost always women – sometimes develop intractable seizures in their 20s.

Seizures are a common cause of sudden, unexpected death in this population.

The author's favorite photo with her daughter.

Photo Courtesy Of Danilyn Rutherford

The author’s favorite photo with her daughter.

In 2024, I enrolled Millie in the Undiagnosed Diseases Network, which maintains a database of rare genetic anomalies and conducts cutting-edge testing to identify them. Millie hadn’t been tested since 2012, and her full genome had never been sequenced.

“I’m pretty sure we’ll find something,” the genetic counsellor told me when she went over the consent forms.

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Conditions like Rett are caused by what geneticists call “de novo mutations,” or random rearrangements of one or more of the genes that control brain development. A stroke of fate had created my daughter. Suddenly, it felt urgent to discover where it had hit.

I threw my understanding of statistics to the wind. This wasn’t a matter of maybe. I had to be ready for the worst. Would she lose me someday, or would I lose her?

“What are your expectations for this meeting?” The genetic counsellor spoke with compassion from the square on my screen, although I suspected she was reading from a script.

It was November 2025, and I’d been waiting for this Zoom call for months. I glanced at my sister. She raised an eyebrow. She’s a geneticist, and I’d brought her along as backup.

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“An answer?” I offered meekly. “So I can plan?”

The genetic counsellor cut to the chase.

My sister and I stared at her, slack-jawed.

The furnace kicked on. That morning, on a whim, I had dived from a dock into the Atlantic: a split second of flight, then I hit the freezing water, and time stopped.

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I felt that way now: shot out of the story I feared I would soon be living. I had spent months preparing myself to bear up under the weight of bad news. Wonder swept through me. The death sentence had been lifted. Millie was unique. Like a snowflake. Or a comet. Or a god.

“I’m sorry,” the genetic counsellor said.

“No,” I stopped her. “There’s something beautiful about the fact that Millie isn’t like anyone else.”

After catching our breath, my sister and I peppered the genetic counsellor with questions. We wanted details. Did nothing really mean nothing?

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There was a research study Millie could enrol in. Scientists were searching for mutations in the regulatory regions of the genome. This is my sister’s specialty. Her eyes lit up.

But the genetic counsellor cautioned us. “It will take years to build up that part of the database. I always try to balance hope with being realistic. Even if they find something, 10 years can go by before another patient turns up with the same anomaly. Or longer. We just don’t know.”

Wonder swept through me again. This quest of mine – to find out how Millie became Millie – it wasn’t just about us. “We don’t know what caused Millie,” I finally said. “We don’t know now, and we may not know until long after Millie and I are both dead. But someday someone will know. There’s something beautiful about that, as well.”

My sister had the last word. “Yes. We’d be doing this for science.”

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“Grows, dies, grow, dies, grows, dies,” the memoirist and computer scientist Becky Taylor repeated one night as a small child with cerebral palsy. “What are you talking about?” her parents asked her. “Life,” she replied. Death finds us all. It’s simply a matter of when.”

After the meeting, my sister went through Millie’s paperwork. In fact, there was an anomaly in one of the genes associated with Millie’s symptoms; it’s called FOXG1. It may not mean anything – the majority of mutations are “silent,” non-functional bits of genetic fluff.

A website with information on FOXG1 syndrome included a video featuring some of the 1,500 individuals worldwide who have the condition. Most were small children. Either there aren’t many who live to adulthood or the geneticists just haven’t found them. I watched, my eyes moist, as a little girl materialised on the screen, her face blank, then blossoming into a smile. She could have been my daughter.

The FOXG1 gene is associated with Alzheimer’s disease, which means there’s funding for research. A parents’ group is sponsoring a study that has led to a treatment that is close to qualifying for clinical trials. There’s talk on the website of a “cure,” but the language also suggests that these parents just want to extend their children’s lives – the way I’d love to extend Millie’s.

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Tick, then tock. Stories upon stories. Where will this new one lead? I’m hopeful, but I’m also ready for my daughter to continue to elude me.

The disabled lawyer and activist, Harriet McBryde Johnson, called her memoir Too Old to Die Young. The doctors were sure she wouldn’t survive past childhood; the joke was on them. So much for life expectancy.

A statistic is just a statistic – not a fact, just a chance. When I told Millie’s caregiver Marilyn, who is in her 90s, about the test results, she laughed. “That Millie. There’s nothing wrong with her. She’s been faking it all along.”

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