Before my husband, Daniel, and I climb out of our car parked in front of our friend’s Baltimore home, I ask him how he wants to answer the question that we both know is coming.

“I’m not going to lie,” he tells me. “We don’t have to go into every detail of James’ latest episode. Let’s just say he’s struggling. He is 29 years old and struggling to find himself.”

“In the woods, at a therapeutic living community, in Brookline, Vermont,” I add from the passenger seat, just to complete the picture.

“Sure, if you want to tell them that. They’re not going to ask for more details. They’ll probably ask to pour you another drink at that point.”

Kevin and Eliza are friends of ours, but we have not known them for long.

“So, how are the kids?” Kevin asks, emphasis on the word kids. “Bring me up to date.”

Parents of children who suffer from substance use disorder, anxiety, depression or mental illness in general have two choices when faced with this question: lie and deflect the question or be blatantly honest.

Researchers call this “stigma by association” – the quiet social pressure and judgment that families absorb simply by loving someone with mental illness.

If I decide to avoid this hardball by lying, I could speak in generalities and say, relatively speaking, all three of my kids are well. They have food on their plates; they live safely with roofs over their heads. They have parents who support and care about them. They are loved.

And all that is true. But that doesn’t answer Kevin’s question.

I know what he means. He wants to know specifics: Where are they working? What city do they live in? He wants to know what their plans are for the future, whether they have partners, who those partners are. These are subtle subcategories hiding within the larger question, “How are the kids?”

Studies show that many families respond to mental illness with silence or partial truths, withdrawing to avoid judgment. I find lying about how my children are doing more exhausting than telling the truth.

I want to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume the statistics I have memorised as a soothing balm are correct. Chances are, Kevin and Eliza have a family member who suffers from mental illness or they know someone who does.

I ask my son how he wants me to answer this question. After all, it is his life I’m talking or not talking about. When I ask how he feels about the issue, he doesn’t flinch. “I don’t think promoting dishonesty is wise. That’s all I have to say. Lying by omission is still dishonest.”

Apparently, I am the one with the hang-ups. Yet I know I am not alone.

“Kids are good,” I tell Kevin, with a tilt of my head. “Nathan loves his new school, he’s so glad he made the switch. Julia is living with her boyfriend in Denver. She’s in her second year of graduate school at the University of Denver School of Social Work. Not sure how long they will live there though, she tells us it’s expensive in Denver.”

“And James.” I pause here and glance at Daniel, raise my eyebrows and give him a half-smile. “James is living in Portland, Maine, and is figuring out what he wants to do and what he wants to be. He is our struggling one, but he’ll figure it out. We have faith.”

I say this to Kevin with more confidence than I feel, but I tell myself I technically did not lie. But I didn’t give them the benefit of the doubt. They might have a child with addiction issues. We could have shared stories.

Mental health experts assure me I’m allowed to avoid the subject. I am permitted to draw boundaries. Psychologists tell me to remember I alone do not shoulder the responsibility of representing all mothers of children with mental illness.

I have become an expert at flattening the details of my son’s life. I say things like, “He’s doing well, I mean these are tough times for kids, right? How about your kids?”

But those words only perpetuate the lonely feeling of having a child with mental illness and substance use disorder. Lying shuts the door and closes all the windows.

Over 450 million people suffer from a mental illness or neurological disorder at some point in their lives. That is one in four people in the world. Research shows that stigma often affects the whole family of a person with mental illness and is one of the most persistent barriers to open conversation about the topic.

For that reason, I vow to be blatantly honest next time someone asks me, “How are the kids?” Because silence feels disrespectful to the incredibly hard work my son is enduring to become a resilient, empathetic and wise adult. But even more so, secrets keep my family lonely.

Lying about how my child is doing only preserves the stigma attached to substance use disorder and mental health issues.

Furthermore, members of families like mine have reported that interacting with other families with a mentally ill relative is one of the most helpful ways they cope with it. By telling our story honestly and connecting with others as a result, I will not only reduce my own shame connected to that stigma, I will be working to dissolve its stain.

Judy Sandler is a writer and educator living in mid-coast Maine. Her memoir, What Kind of Mother, A Reckoning (West Virginia University Press), will be out Sept. 8. See more at www.judysandler.com.

• Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
• Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
• CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
• The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
• Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.

It’s hard to imagine a time when “screen time” isn’t a hot-button topic, right? Perhaps especially for parents.

The problems that come with spending too much time on screens are pretty well-known. A 2023 study points to effects such as eye strain, neck pain, depression, anxiety, decreased well-being and more.

Yet, with technology advancing and taking us all by storm – and with the necessity of a Ms. Rachel video when you’re trying to finish doing the dishes, for example – the urge to give kids a phone, tablet or some TV is all too real.

If it helps, child therapists believe that screen time isn’t the absolute worst thing. There are just factors you need to consider as you establish healthy boundaries.

Below, find the one thing they wish adults would be better with when it comes to kids and screen time, along with some other advice to help you navigate it.

Perhaps it’s not about controlling your child’s screen time, but your own.

Research published in the journal JAMA Pediatrics suggests that parents use screens during mealtime more often than kids do, and that this habit can interfere with interpersonal relationships.

Another study in 2023 found that kids’ emotional intelligence can be directly affected by parents’ smartphone use. Additionally, a study published in 2025 found that caregivers’ smartphone use during conversations with children is associated with increased anger and sadness in children during those interactions, potentially negatively affecting their well-being.

A recent study published in August found that caregivers’ screen use directly affected kids’ vocabulary. According to the authors, parental smartphone use may be a “meaningful indicator” of “risk for poorer language outcomes, highlighting the importance of considering screen use at the family level when evaluating children’s language development.”

“Children learn through watching you,” said Ciara Bogdanovic, a psychotherapist and the owner and founder of Sagebrush Psychotherapy. “If you want your child to have healthy boundaries with technology, you have to model those boundaries yourself.”

Fiona Yassin, a child, adolescent and family psychotherapist, and the founder and clinic director of The Wave Clinic, echoed this. “Set a positive example for your young person by having screen-free time,” she said. “Put your phone out of sight at meal times or in the evening, and be aware of using your phone for long periods or whilst you’re around family and friends.”

Further, she encouraged setting a time limit for yourself and your family, then reflecting together on how it made you feel. Certain mobile apps (such as Screen Time, Forest and AntiSocial) can help limit phone time, according to a 2023 study.

Examining and adjusting your own phone habits can have a huge impact; experts said there are a few other habits you might want to implement in order to encourage a healthy relationship with screens. Here are a few:

“If I could get parents to shift one thing about the way they think about screen time, it would be to worry a little less about the exact number of minutes and pay more attention to what the screen is replacing,” said Farah Downs, a licensed school psychologist in Florida who provides therapy to children and works closely with parents.

She gave the example of a child playing a video game for 45 minutes after sleeping well, moving their body, spending time with people and doing what they need to do, versus the game taking the place of sleep, homework, time outside or family time.

Downs added that a screen can be helpful at times. “A tablet on a long flight or when you really need to finish something is not something I think parents need to feel guilty about,” she said. “But if we automatically hand over a device every time a child gets restless at dinner or complains that a line is taking too long, we may be solving the immediate problem while taking away a chance for them to practice waiting and managing a little discomfort.”

Wildaliz Caro, a licensed clinical psychologist with expertise in child and adolescent mental health and development, agreed that screen time can be a problem, but isn’t always, for those reasons.

“Screen usage becomes a concern when it replaces essential childhood experiences needed to develop the ability to function in the world around them, such as coping with boredom, interpreting social cues, managing frustration, developing the capacity for creative thinking (using one’s imagination) and learning to find ways to engage in leisure-time activity without constant stimulation,” she said.

It’s not about whether an app or device is “good” or “bad,” she continued, but whether the child can practice being a child outside of it. She encouraged aiming for balance versus perfection. When teasing out the latter, consider letting your child be part of the conversation.

“I encourage families to sit down together and talk honestly about both the good things screens can provide, as well as what can happen when screens start taking up too much of the day,” said Kara Duraccio, a licensed clinical psychologist who specialises in children and adolescents, as well as a consultant and content writer for The Good and the Beautiful. “I often come back to the same question: What do we want childhood to have room for?”

She discussed how a mix of things – such as sleep, school, time outside, reading, chores, hobbies, unstructured play, time with family and time with friends – helps kids thrive and should be prioritised.

“Once those pieces are in place, families can decide together where screens fit and what screen-based rules will best support their day,” Duraccio said. “I’ve found that kids are much more willing to buy into screen limits when they have some voice in creating them and when the expectations apply to everyone.”

Tammy Gold, a caregiving and family systems expert and licensed therapist, encouraged focusing less on whether screen time is bad and more on how it can help you understand your child.

She encouraged asking open-ended questions, such as: What do you like to do online? Who do you like to follow and why? How are you using these apps? Are you talking to people? Why do you find these accounts interesting? How do these apps make you feel?

“I have worked with many parents and teens and used it as a bridge to help advocate the teens’ wants and also implement the parents’ desires [of] safety,” Gold said. “The teens appreciate parents asking in a manner that does not shame, punish, embarrass or upset them.”

Within those conversations, she continued, you can make sure no one is bullying or harming your child, and offer some general online safety tips. Certain apps can help you monitor your child’s internet safety, too.

As a parent or caregiver, you’re allowed to set rules and expect them to be followed – and explaining your reasoning can help kids understand and listen. It can also help during nuanced situations.

“We want to show our kids that we have intentionality around our screens and our phones, and we never want our phones or our screens to come between our child and ourselves,” said Amy Vigliotti, a licensed child and adult psychologist and founder of the New York-based group therapy practice SelfWorks.

For example, if you have a rule saying no phones at the dinner table, but also have an important call that evening, be transparent with your kids.

Vigliotti suggested saying something like, “Hey, I know as a family, we don’t have screens or phones at the dinner table. Tonight, I am waiting for an important call, so I may have to step away from the table and take it.”

Situations and conversations like these also model how screen time can affect relationships. Phones and other technology can inhibit real-life conversation and make kids without a phone feel left out.

Essentially, screen time isn’t all bad, but child therapists say it definitely has a time and place for both you and your child.

A crypto billionaire who was pardoned by US president Donald Trump has given a record-breaking £36 million to Reform UK.

Party leader Nigel Farage said he was “honoured and humbled” to receive the money from Ben Delo, who recently re-located from Hong Kong to the UK in order to become a Reform donor.

It comes after the Metropolitan Police confirmed they have launched a probe into a Channel 4 investigation which appeared to show senior Reform officials discussing with a fake American donor how he could give money to the party.

Delo, a co-founder of cryptocurrency platform BitMEX, was last year given an unconditional pardon by Trump over a Bank Secrecy Act violation in the US.

He is now Reform’s largest donor, having previously been second behind another crypto billionaire, Christopher Harborne, who gave £9 million to the party last August.

Parliament’s standards watchdog is currently investigating a personal £5m gift Harborne gave Farage in 2024 which the Reform boss did not declare.

Deo’s £36m is the single biggest donation in the history of British politics.

Writing for the Telegraph newspaper, Delo said: “Unlike the people who express mock concern for the health of ‘our democracy’ while doing everything they can to keep it as a cartel, I want a fair fight and a level playing field.

“My conclusion from Reform’s recent troubles is that they should spend less time trying to raise funds to compete on equal terms and more time preparing for government.”

Farage said: “I am honoured and humbled that Ben Delo has shown such confidence in Reform.

“Ben knows that we are the only party that can turn the country around and reverse Britain’s decline.”

A Labour Party spokesperson said: “Nigel Farage is still up to his neck in scandal over his secret £5 million ‘gift’ from his other crypto-billionaire backer and the criminal investigation into potentially illegal donations. The questions he faces aren’t going away – in fact they’re piling up.

“Reform UK can’t buy their way out of questions about sleaze, criminal mates and dodgy finances.”

Lib Dem Cabinet Office spokesperson Lisa Smart accused Farage of wanting “to bring Trump’s America to our shores by buying his way into power”.

“He’s trying to get into Number 10 as if it’s a stop on a monopoly board,” she said.

“It can’t go on like this. Andy Burnham needs to introduce a cap on political donations. Our democracy depends on it.”

Olly Buston of Clean Up Westminster, which campaigns to reduce the influence of money in politics, said it was “a dark day for Britain’s democracy”.

“Delo’s donation is several times bigger than any political donation in history,” he said. “It is an obscene amount. No single individual should be able to buy this much power, let alone a convicted fraudster who has barely set foot in the country in recent years

“Every day Andy Burnham delays, the billionaire arms race escalates and mega-donors tighten their fierce grip on our democracy.

“We need a low, hard cap on political donations now. The prime minister has said he wants to do this. He must act and fast.”

MPs last week backed measures including a cap on overseas donations at £100,000 and a suspension of funding through cryptocurrency, but the draft legislation still needs to be passed by the House of Lords to become law.

Listen to Commons People, the podcast that makes politics easy. Every week, Kevin Schofield and Kate Nicholson unpack the week’s biggest stories to keep you informed. Join us for straightforward analysis of what’s going on at Westminster.

While President Donald Trump spent much of the day delivering remarks during the Pentagon’s 9/11 anniversary ceremony on Friday, he still found time for a bizarre mid-afternoon Truth Social posting spree.

He posted about the crowd size at the Republican midterm convention, hype videos and a clip from the January 6 insurrection, all while America marked the 25th anniversary of terrorist attacks that took the lives of nearly 3,000 people.

Trump kicked off the spree at 1:35pm New York time with a montage video from his Freedom 250 UFC fight on the White House lawn.

Just minutes later, he posted a video showing various news outlets announcing that he had won the 2024 presidential election.

Trump followed that up at 2:51 pm, when he posted an infamous video from the January 6, 2021 insurrection at the US Capitol, where he told the rioters to “go home in peace.”

Less than 30 minutes later, Trump maligned Democrats in a lengthy post for their criticism of his promised $5,000 dividend to every American adult if Republicans prevail in the midterms.

“The $5,000 Trump Dividend, given to all Adults in the United States due to the fact that our Country is taking in Trillions of Dollars of Economic Development, Investment, and Pure SUCCESS, is being criticized by “Dumocrats” who are hoping that it never happens,” Trump wrote.

Trump then posted a video at 3:09pm of Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F Kennedy Jr.’s speech at the Republican midterm convention.

Noticeably absent from Trump’s posts was any mention of the 9/11 terrorist attacks.

While Vice President JD Vance attended the annual remembrance ceremony in New York City on Friday, Trump was the only living president not in attendance.

The New York Times reported in August that Trump was originally slated to attend the ceremony, but backed out in part because he wanted to deliver a speech, and organisers of the event have barred politicians from giving remarks since 2012 to maintain the solemnity of the ceremony.

A bid to make assisted dying legal in England and Wales has failed after MPs rejected it.

After nearly five hours of at-times emotional debate in the House of Commons, they voted 286 v 270 not to pass the Terminally Ill Adults (End of Life) Bill at second reading.

It means the issue is now unlikely to return to parliament until after the next general election.

Under the legislation, adults in England and Wales with fewer than six months to live would have been able to apply for an assisted death subject to the approval of two doctors and an expert panel.

Supporters said it will allow terminally ill patients who wish to end their lives to die with dignity at a time of their choosing.

But opponents – including disabled groups – said the legislation does not contain enough safeguards to protect vulnerable people and is open to abuse.

The result is a complete reversal from June last year, when MPs voted 314-291 to allow a near-identical bill proposed by Labour MP Kim Leadbeater to proceed to third reading in the Lords.

However, it became bogged down as peers opposed to the legislation tabled more than 1,000 amendments to it, and it eventually ran out of time.

Labour MP Lauren Edwards brought back the bill earlier this year and urged her fellow MPs to send it back to the Lords “so that they can finish what they started” in scrutinising the legislation.

Kicking off today’s debate, she said: “We must grasp that opportunity in front of us to create a holistic end of life care system that will deliver choice and dignity for every single one of our constituents.”

Former Tory minister Karen Bradley, who led opposition voices to the bill, urged her fellow MPs to consider “whether this bill, in this form, on the evidence before us now today, is safe enough for parliament to force into law”.

Quoting the National Down Syndrome Policy group, she said the bill “hopes for the best rather than prepares for the worst”.

Listen to Commons People, the podcast that makes politics easy. Every week, Kevin Schofield and Kate Nicholson unpack the week’s biggest stories to keep you informed. Join us for straightforward analysis of what’s going on at Westminster.

Reform UK had hoped that their conference in Birmingham last week would draw a line under a dreadful few months for the party.

Nigel Farage wanted the annual get-together to demonstrate to voters what the first 100 days of a Reform government would look like.

Policies would be announced, speeches would be made and the party would be on the front foot once again.

Sadly for Farage and his loyal supporters, things did not turn out that way.

Instead, one week on, Reform find themselves the subject of a police investigation into their financial arrangements while trying to keep a lid on the simmering tensions threatening to tear them apart.

Things looked very different just four months ago, when the party enjoyed resounding success in the elections which took place on May 7 in England, Scotland and Wales.

With the party also enjoying healthy opinion poll leads over Labour and the Tories, it started to look as though Farage really was on course to become the next prime minister.

But the revelation that the Reform leader had failed to declare a £5 million “gift” he received from a crypto-billionaire shortly before becoming an MP was the start of the party’s woes.

Even though Farage insisted that he had done nothing wrong, the row cut through to voters and Reform’s poll numbers started to drop accordingly.

When parliament’s standards watchdog announced that he would be investigating the donation, Farage responded by triggering a by-election in his Clacton seat by dramatically resigning as its MP.

But his attempt to stick it to the establishment fell flat when all the major parties refused to stand, leaving Count Binface as Farage’s only semi-serious rival.

Farage inevitable won – but it was a hollow victory.

The party conference was meant to demonstrate a revived version of Reform, looking professional and ready for government.

However, it was overshadowed by an undercover sting operation, broadcast last Thursday night by Channel 4 News.

Journalists from the investigative group Verbatim posed as an American donor and his British son, supposedly keen to donate to Reform.

Secretly-recorded footage appeared to show senior Reform officials Dan Jukes and James Orr discussing with the pair how they could circumvent electoral law banning foreign donations to boost the party’s coffers.

In one segment, Farage himself even thanks the two men as they enjoyed oysters and Guinness during the Clacton by-election campaign.

The Reform leader has since claimed he “wasn’t even listening” at the lunch meeting.

While Farage initially dismissed the investigation as a “hoax” conducted by left-wing activists, both Jukes and Orr were forced to quit their roles in the early hours of last Friday morning.

The rest of the conference was something of a car crash, too.

Farage’s keynote speech was disrupted by hecklers, who were then attacked by angry Reform activists in the crowd.

Robert Jenrick, Reform’s Treasury spokesman, responded by saying an elderly Reform supporter filmed hitting a protester with his walking stick “should get a medal”.

Meanwhile, Reform’s home affairs spokesperson Zia Yusuf fuelled speculation about his personal ambitionsby releasing a bizarre video about his upbringing which looked to all the world like a blatant leadership pitch.

In a further blow for Farage, Tim Montgomerie – who defected to Reform from the Tories with great fanfare last year – quit the party, claiming it was gripped by “civil war” and urging the leader to put Yusuf back in his box.

The cherry on the top came on Wednesday, when the Metropolitan Police announced it was widening its ongoing investigation into the party’s finances following the Channel 4 sting operation.

A YouGov poll made it clear that voters have noticed the ongoing chaos engulfing Reform.

It showed that more than half the public view Farage as “very sleazy”, and have an equally dim view of the party he leads.

In this week’s edition of the Commons People podcast, we examine why Reform is facing its biggest challenge yet and ask whether Farage can defy the odds yet again by turning their fortunes around.

Listen to Commons People, the podcast that makes politics easy. Every week, Kevin Schofield and Kate Nicholson unpack the week’s biggest stories to keep you informed. Join us for straightforward analysis of what’s going on at Westminster.