The last thing that most of us want to deal with is an angry person in our face. But chances are, sooner or later, it’s going to happen.

So what do we do? And, maybe more importantly, what shouldn’t we do?

Those are some of the questions that Raj Punjabi and Noah Michelson, the co-hosts of HuffPost’s “Am I Doing It Wrong?” podcast, recently posed to Ryan Martin, better know as the Anger Professor, to find out how to “do anger better.”

“You had a great tweet,” Michelson said during the conversation. “You said something like, ‘Never in the history of “calm downs’ has ‘calm down’ calmed down someone.’ So I’m guessing ‘calm down’ is not the thing you want to say.”

“I think ‘relax’ is even worse,” Punjabi added.

“No, ‘relax’ has never relaxed anyone,” agreed Martin, a psychology professor and an associate dean for the College of Arts, Humanities and Social Sciences at the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay.

“This is a case where … people are elevated and they’re not necessarily thinking as rationally, and they’re a little defensive. You’re not going to make as much progress with those sort of direct statements that you want to make,” he added. “Telling people to do things like ‘just breathe’ aren’t going to have much of an impact.”

Instead, modelling those actions yourself is going to be more effective.

“One of the things I think is funny is that often when people tell someone to ‘calm down,’ they yell it or they say it in a very loud, stern voice,” said Martin, the author of How To Deal With Angry People and Why We Get Mad: How To Use Your Anger for Positive Change.

“But if you actually back up a little bit and you start speaking softer than normal, you start to communicate in a little more gentle tone, people will sort of inherently match that. This also is rooted in our evolutionary history, that we tend to match the people around us in tone.”

This can help take the edge off the situation without using those triggering phrases, which tend to make us even more irritated.

“It’s, frankly, manipulative. … You’re actually decreasing that elevation,” Martin said. “So speaking in that more gentle voice, staying calm yourself, finding ways to ultimately, if they’re venting, [offer] some minimal encouragers to let them get through that.”

Once there’s less intensity, you’re more likely to have an opportunity to respond.

“I don’t think you want to agree with someone if you don’t agree with them,” said Martin. “But if you can frame a response that seems validating, to let them know ‘you’re obviously really upset about this, let’s talk through some solutions together’ — ways that you can validate their feelings without necessarily validating the cause of their feelings.”

We also discussed the three questions that you should ask yourself before you get angry, what you should do before you send an angry email, and much more.

For more from Ryan Martin, visit his website and Instagram.

Need some help with something you’ve been doing wrong? Email us at AmIDoingItWrong@HuffPost.com, and we might investigate the topic in an upcoming episode.

When you check into your hotel stay, you are expecting to start your vacation ― but it could also be where you start spreading germs and diseases.

That’s because hotels are full of high-touch surface areas that many people will regularly touch with a number of different unclean hands.

The problem is that you cannot trust your fellow travellers to practice good hand hygiene. “People just simply aren’t washing their hands properly in the first place, and then they’re washing them even less properly when they’re on vacation,” said microbiologist Jason Tetro aka “The Germ Guy,” citing faecal bacteria and Staphylococcus bacteria as two easily spreadable germs to watch out for.

“If you come into contact with any bacteria or virus, you pretty much have about a four-hour risk of getting exposed to it, if you happen to touch your face or put your fingers in your mouth,” Tetro explained.

And out of all the high-touch surfaces in a hotel, germ experts warn that elevator buttons for the first floor can be the biggest overlooked culprit.

“Everybody touches the first floor [elevator button] to get out,” said Chuck Gerba, a microbiologist at the University of Arizona. “I have to knuckle elevator buttons these days, because we’ve sampled enough of them.”

When Mary Spitzer was a researcher at the Mel and Enid Zuckerman College of Public Health at the University of Arizona, she led a study where she evaluated viral spread and infection risks in a hotel lobby and found that first-floor elevator buttons were the most frequently touched fomite, or object that helps transmit infectious diseases.

As part of this, she sat in a lobby and noted what surfaces were being touched by what people and in what order. “Pretty consistently, it’d be hotel button first, obviously, because they’re coming down into the lobby,” Spitzer said.

People don’t typically touch an elevator button for long, but even a quick press has spread potential, because viruses can stay alive for hours or days. Tetro said that flu and COVID viruses could live on elevator button surfaces for four to eight hours, for example.

Once someone coughs and sneezes onto an elevator button, just you pressing that button “for that very short period of time is enough for you to pick up enough virus from that residue that’s been there,” Tetro said.

Beyond hotel elevators, Tetro warned that other high-touch surface areas in hotels like doorknobs, remote controls, light switches, alarm clocks, telephones, and ice buckets in particular can be full of germs “because they probably never get washed or disinfected.”

The good news is that one simple solution for hotels is to clean high-touch surface areas more purposefully. In Spitzer’s study, targeted cleaning on high-touch surface areas like refrigerator handles and credit card readers led to a significant reduction in viral load.

And you can always take matters into your own hands ― pun intended ― by practicing good health hygiene.

When in doubt, wash your hands or immediately use hand sanitiser when you are using a communal hotel space. “Touching things is sort of unavoidable” in hotels, Spitzer said. After you touch that elevator button, “be mindful of where you’re then putting your hands,” Spitzer suggested. “Are you touching your face? Are you touching your kid’s face? Are you eating things?”

This way, your vacation doesn’t end sooner than it has to because you got yourself sick.

Have you ever checked the family group text, days after you shared something important/impressive/timely/hilarious/heartfelt, only to realise everyone’s response was… crickets?

If this is a constant in your communications, you may be dealing with a “low-effort family” – a type of often-invisible family dysfunction.

Low-effort families can fly under the radar because there are no yelling matches, explosive fights or even obvious conflict. From the outside, things might look great – even calmer than the average family.

But if, beneath the surface, there’s one person doing 95% of the emotional heavy lifting for a family of four (or an extended family of 15), something is definitely amiss.

Here’s what the experts say about this family dynamic – and how to cope in healthy ways (that aren’t just continuing to blow up the group chat).

“A ‘low-effort family’ is defined not by conflict, but by avoidance,” psychiatrist Maryellen Eller told HuffPost. “Healthy relationships require mutual investment, respect, and accountability.”

She noted that we ideally learn all of these skills in childhood as we’re observing adults communicate openly, set boundaries and make up after conflict. But kids from low-effort families, she said, “may miss out on learning these critical skills because hard conversations and the rupture-repair process is avoided.”

Conflict is a normal part of being in a family, and those who don’t learn the skills to deal with disagreement may well end up avoiding most contact.

Maybe they’re unresponsive in general; maybe they simply bow out when the conversation starts to feel less-than-light. But when one or two people end up carrying the weight of maintaining the entire family relationship, the members who make less of an effort are still getting bids for connection without providing any in return.

“Typically, there is a generational reason why families function this way,” Ayla Fleming, a licensed clinical social worker and family therapist who specialises in setting boundaries in difficult family situations, told HuffPost. “It can be related to insecurity, depression, lack of trust, discomfort with emotional expression, toxicity (for example, if certain members are narcissistic), or just plain anxiety.”

Margaret Sigel is a licensed marriage and family therapist who specialises in developmental trauma/C-PTSD and family-of-origin dynamics. She told HuffPost that the “low effort” family is usually born from a family system where everyone subconsciously agreed to the unequal distribution of effort a long time ago.

“One person often becomes the relational infrastructure: the one who remembers birthdays, initiates plans, checks in, and follows through,” Sigel said. “It’s not so much that the rest of the family opted out of caring; it’s more that they never had to practice, because someone else was already doing it.”

But if everyone opted into this system long ago, when did it truly begin? Usually, Sigel explains, the person carrying 95% of the emotional labor learned as a child that connection required maintenance.

“Love wasn’t something you could trust to just exist. It had to be earned,” she said. “This relational template got installed early, often in a home where a parent was emotionally unavailable or overwhelmed, and the child stepped in to hold things together.”

In this way, the frustration you may be feeling as the only responsive family member on the group text is really just the tip of the iceberg. “Underneath,” Sigel explains, “it is often a much older and more vulnerable fear: If I stop doing this, will anyone come looking for me?”

Fleming explains that you can usually tell if you’re dealing with a low-effort family by the overall pattern of time, energy and reciprocity in the relationships. “It often looks like one person doing 80–90% of the emotional labor in multiple areas: reaching out, making plans, initiating conversations, repairing conflict, and trying to hold the relationship together,” she said.

Because we often experience a cultural pressure to tolerate family dynamics no matter what – along with fear-based messaging that you’ll “regret” distancing yourself – Fleming advises not relying on friends or other family members to assess whether your family is low-effort.

Instead, “a Family Systems therapist can be especially helpful here,” she advises. “Family Systems therapists are typically more careful about this and understand how easily people can get triangulated into family dysfunction.”

All of this said, don’t jump to conclusions about your family, either. “It’s important to distinguish normal differences in communication style from pathology,” Eller cautioned. “Not everyone needs or wants the same level of connection. However, when you notice a pattern of avoidance has become the default — especially around important or uncomfortable conversations – it may be a signal of a deeper relational pattern.”

Just “do less!” right? Easier said than done. The most common advice to the overfunctioning family member (hello, fellow eldest daughters) is usually something like, “just stop doing so much,” Sigel said.

But while that’s legit enough advice, “it treats a nervous system pattern like it’s a conscious decision,” she said.

In reality, the person who has been overfunctioning has learned at such a deep level that relationships survive only through their own effort.

“Stepping back often activates real fear, not just discomfort,” Sigel added. In order to break the cycle, you’ll likely have to work through real grief when you stop initiating and discover just how little comes back to you in return.

The most important thing when navigating low-effort family dynamics is focusing on what you can control (i.e., not other people). “There is nothing you can do to force others to change, but you can always choose how you show up,” Eller said.

Here are five steps Sigel, Eller, and Fleming recommend to start caring for you and stop spinning your wheels trying to drum up a family connection from unwilling participants.

1. Self-regulate.

   Eller advised learning skills to effectively handle your own emotions and how you show up in difficult moments — whether that’s breathing exercises, grounding techniques or brief relaxation strategies.

   “Find what works for you,” Eller said, “and practice those skills often.” Taking good care of yourself, she said, will shape not only how you navigate difficult dynamics but the quality of relationships that you build moving forward.
   

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2. Get clear on your values.

   Fleming said to ask yourself a few questions to look inward and determine what truly matters to you in relationships. You might ask yourself:

   • How do I want to show up in relationships that feel unequal?
   • Do I want to try to match others’ level of effort? Will that be healthier for me? Could I stop initiating everything and see what happens? (They may change, or they may not — but at least I can stop feeling “stuck.”)
   • Is it healthier for me to avoid investing deeply in relationships that feel one-sided? Will that help me feel less resentful, instead of trying to get others to do what they don’t want to do — or may be incapable of doing?
   • Can I accept someone’s limitations while still having a relationship with them? What would that look like? Does it mean I have less contact with them — and that that’s OK?

3. Set — and hold — boundaries.

   When you do engage with low-effort family members, “be clear on your goal and your boundaries,” Eller said. “Know what you need, what you’re willing to tolerate, and what will guide your next step if those boundaries aren’t respected.”

   Sigel suggests starting with just one small boundary, such as not being the one to respond to the group text within minutes. “Let the discomfort teach you,” she urged.

   Remember: Boundaries aren’t about controlling the other person; they’re about defining your own limits and deciding what you will do to protect your well-being.

   That might look like:

• Limiting how often you initiate contact
• Stepping back from conversations that become one-sided
• Naming your needs clearly, even if they aren’t met
• Following through on consequences if your boundaries aren’t respected.
  

Fleming said folks with low-effort families often find themselves deciding between total estrangement vs. constant relationship maintenance. But “there is often a third option,” she said. “If we can use healthy distance, perhaps we can stop abandoning our needs long enough to have some peace.”

She reiterates that if you’re continuously trying to fix, explain or carry the relationship, you’re overfunctioning. “And over time, unbalanced relationships,” Fleming said, “can lead to burnout, resentment, and even physical and emotional symptoms.”

Perhaps the most difficult — and ultimately most freeing—reframe is accepting that not all relationships are meant to meet all your emotional needs. But acknowledging that mismatch doesn’t mean giving up; it means expanding your definition of support.

The good news? “Healthy relationships can be created, not just inherited,” Eller said.

Because healing often requires both acceptance and expansion: accepting what is, while also creating space for what you need. You can build relationships with chosen family. You can practice showing up with emotional vulnerability. You can model the kind of engagement you wish you’d received.

That doesn’t mean forcing your family to change. It means choosing new priorities and a different way of relating — one that includes accountability, communication and mutual effort. Because even if your family doesn’t meet you where you need them to, you can still meet yourself there. And you’d never act “low-effort” toward yourself, would you?

The line-up for the second season of The Celebrity Traitors has been revealed.

On Saturday morning, the 21 celebrities heading to TV’s most iconic castle were unveiled, ahead of filming getting underway.

However, there were a few surprises in the mix, too.

Joining them will be model Jerry Hall, TV presenter Maya Jama, former EastEnders star Ross Kemp and chart-topping musician James Blunt.

The full list of famous contestants is as follows:

• Amol Rajan
• Bella Ramsey
• James Acaster
• James Blunt
• Jerry Hall
• Joanne McNally
• Joe Lycett
• Julie Hesmondhalgh
• Kenny Oghenovo “King Kenny” Ojuederie
• Leigh-Anne Pinnock
• Maya Jama
• Michael Sheen
• Miranda hart
• Myha’a
• Professor Hannah Fry
• Richard E Grant
• Rob Beckett
• Romesh Ranganathan
• Ross Kemp
• Sebastian Croft
• Sharon Rooney

The Celebrity Traitors is expected to return to our screens for its second outing in October, with the fifth iteration of the regular show due to air in early 2027.

Earlier this year, it was confirmed that both The Traitors and its celebrity counterpart had been renewed by the BBC until at least 2030.

The CEO of production company Studio Lambert, Stephen Lambert, enthused at the time of the announcement: “The Traitors has become a genuine television phenomenon across the world, but especially in the UK, and we’re thrilled to continue the journey with the BBC.

“It’s hugely exciting that audiences will have many more years of strategy, suspense and shocking twists still to come.”

The first run of The Celebrity Traitors is in the running for three awards at the upcoming TV Baftas, including Best Reality Show, Best Entertainment Performance for its host Claudia Winkleman and the Memorable Moment prize for Alan Carr’s dramatic victory.

Nigel Farage’s last-minute decision not to go on the BBC’s Sunday with Laura Kuenssberg has caused a stir among his critics.

While introducing her panel, the presenter noted all the major parties had sent representatives into the network’s flagship Sunday show – aside from Reform UK.

“Nigel Farage – who, as we told you last week, was fixed to be here – but his team told us he changed his mind,” Kuenssberg said.

The programme aired four days before voters across the country head to the ballot box for local elections in England and devolved elections in Wales and Scotland.

Labour’s transport secretary Heidi Alexander, Green leader Zack Polanski and Tory leader Kemi Badenoch were all in attendance, as the parties are out on the campaign trail.

The programme was also promoting Farage’s appearance on the show only on Saturday.

Reform’s decision not to put up any party representative sparked significant speculation on social media.

Farage’s absence came days after the Guardian revealed the Reform leader was given £5 million by a crypto billionaire shortly before he chose to stand as an MP in June 2024, and won the Clacton seat in July.

Parliamentary rules state any benefit taken up to 12 months before getting into office must be registered, depending on whether it was for political or personal reasons.

The rules add: “If there is any doubt, the benefit should be registered.”

Reform told HuffPost UK Farage is “campaigning in Clacton this weekend instead” ahead of the local elections.

The party did not explain why a different Reform representative was not put up in his place.

Subscribe to Commons People, the podcast that makes politics easy. Every week, Kevin Schofield and Kate Nicholson unpack the week’s biggest stories to keep you informed. Join us for straightforward analysis of what’s going on at Westminster.

A TikTok video on how involved grandparents should be in their children’s lives – and whose responsibility it is that they forge a relationship – is fast dividing the internet

In a video which has been viewed over 2.5 million times, TikTok creator Helen, a retired police officer and “devoted granny” based in Devon, asked the internet: “Whose responsibility is it to maintain a relationship between a grandchild and their grandparents?”

Sharing her “strong views”, she revealed she thinks it’s always the grandparent’s responsibility to maintain the relationship and also be proactive with offering support.

“I think it’s the grandparent’s responsibility to always reach out, to be the one saying ‘well, can we help with this? Can we come and visit? Can we take them there? Is there anything you’d like me to do? Do you need some support this week? Do you need some support next week?’,” she explained.

“That’s what I do. I’m a devoted granny and I feel very strongly about this, and I don’t think kids should be the ones, your children should be the ones, that need to sort of facilitate that relationship. It’s up to the grandparents to do that.”

Whether it’s after-school care, a couple of days a week looking after tiny tots, or something even more substantial, plenty of grandparents are doing their bit – a SunLife survey from 2023 found more than half provided some form of childcare during the working week, giving up more than four hours a day on average.

But addressing those who might not have much to do with their grandkids because they plan on going on holiday or enjoying retirement, Helen continued: “And I think if grandparents are coming back with things like ‘well it’s our time now, it’s our time’… No, it’s not. It’s your time to help your kids, because it’s really difficult when your children are small and the help that you give them is so needed and it’s so appreciated …”

She ended: ”… It’s your time to be with your grandchildren and to help in every way you can – and I feel quite strongly about that.”

The post has resonated with a lot of parents. “How do I send this to my mom without sending this to my mom,” said one commenter.

“I’m so glad to hear someone say this,” added another. “My parents make very little effort and don’t reach out (but fake to the world they do) or see my children very often. I feel they should make the effort to maintain the relationship but sometimes wonder if I am wrong. So I am glad to see someone else shares my opinion.”

One parent even revealed: “My daughter’s grandmother says ‘she doesn’t contact me’. My daughter is 8.”

Even some grandparents were in agreement that the onus should be on grandparents to reach out and make the effort. “I’m the grandparent. I will always be the one to make the effort,” shared one commenter.

But others disagreed with Helen’s view. “I respectfully disagree… my kids are the grandkids’ parent therefore I think it’s important for my kids to control raising their kids,” said one grandparent. “My kids know I’m always there for backup but I never take control.”

Some noted that grandparents might still be working, which can pose challenges with how involved they can be: “Not all grandparents are retired with a healthy retirement fund! The longer the grandparents are needing to work – less time available for the grand[kids].”

Others suggested relationships are a two-way street, and it shouldn’t just be on grandparents to foster this relationship.

“Ok but hear me out,” said one respondent. “Me and my husband should also put in the effort to visit his parents and also my parents. It goes both ways.”

We’ve written before at HuffPost UK about “Japanese walking,” “incline walking”, “6-6-6 walking”, and “retro walking”.

But if you want to strengthen your calves and shins, either for running or just for better mobility, some experts, like physical therapist Dr Jo, reccomend “heel walking”.

In the caption of a YouTube video, they shared: “Walking on heels is a great exercise for helping with lower leg injuries and muscle imbalances. It can also help with ankle pain and plantar fasciitis.”

Happily, it doesn’t involve walking in high heels.

They’re performed by lifting your toes and the balls of your feet up and walking on a flat surface on your heels. You can go forward or backwards with your feet hip-width apart, physical therapist group Therapeutic Associates Inc shared.

They should be short, small steps. “The aim is to point your toes as much as you can towards the ceiling so there is as much dorsiflexion in the ankle as possible,” said Runna.

You should keep your upper body tall with your eyes looking straight forward. Tuck your elbows in and let your arms follow your leg movements.

Keep your glutes and hips tucked in.

Theraputic Associates Inc added, “you may want to perform this exercise to fatigue as in, you can’t keep your toes up off the ground anymore and exhaust the shin muscles”.

Runna explained that, “Heel walks are a very simple but effective warm-up exercise for the muscle that runs along the front of the shin bone (tibialis anterior).”

This is responsible for keeping your feet lifted and preventing a condition called “foot drop”. Calling it an “underappreciated muscle,” Mirafit added that a strong tibialis anterior contributes to healthy movements of the lower leg which are “all essential when it comes to everyday life and specifically when walking and hiking.”

It may help to prevent shin splints, increase your balance and mobility, and reduce your risk of overuse injuries because they make you better at absorbing shocks, they continued.

Heel walks also stretch your calf muscles and strengthen the flexors in your foot, Runna said.