In an ideal world, we’d all be able to tell our partners exactly what we’re feeling, as soon as we’re feeling it.

But real life often falls short of that. Maybe it feels too vulnerable to express a need outright; maybe you’re worried about being dismissed, ignored or met with hostility if you do.

That’s where passive aggression can often come into play.

“Passive aggression is an indirect expression of emotions or unmet needs,” explained Tara Rullo, a trauma and couples therapist and owner of Middle Way Psychotherapy.

“Underneath passive-aggressive comments are vulnerable emotions like sadness, loneliness, overwhelm, fear, or longing.”

As an example, Rullo described a couple where one partner has been retreating into their phone: “Instead of their partner saying, ‘I’m feeling ignored,’ or ‘I want to connect with you,’ the bid may come out sideways through comments like ‘Don’t let me interrupt your phone’ or ‘Must be something really important on there,’” she said.

“Underneath these comments is a natural longing for connection, but because the need is wrapped in irritation and sarcasm, the receiving partner hears criticism, contempt or undefined emotional distress instead,” Rullo continued.

Below, relationship experts describe some of the most common passive-aggressive phrases they hear used with significant others, then break down how to turn those moments into a genuine opportunity for connection instead.

This is one of those examples where the words mean one thing, but “your partner can clearly pick up on a tone,” Alexandra Solomon, a clinical psychologist and the author of Love Every Day, told HuffPost. “If the tone doesn’t match, the tone is all your partner’s gonna focus on.”

They’ll sense your distress, but have no way of knowing what’s wrong – only that you’re upset with them.

If you catch yourself saying this, Elizabeth Earnshaw, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of Til Stress Do Us Part, recommended that you do your best to catch yourself in the moment and try to name the real feeling instead. A quick script might look like: “Actually, I’m not fine. I don’t know why I said that. I am feeling [angry/sad/etc].”

Rullo flagged this kind of comment as one of the most concerning patterns she sees. “Must be nice” – as in, “must be nice to have zero responsibilities” or “must be nice to relax while I do everything” – can veer into contempt, which she said “is considered the single strongest predictor of relationship breakdown”.

What contempt signals, Earnshaw said, is that “you’re not only frustrated but have also lost a fundamental sense of respect for the other person.” The sarcasm in this kind of comment allows you to disguise it as humour, but the underlying message is loud and clear.

“Your partner gives you feedback or raises a concern, and you say, ‘Well, I guess I can’t do anything right then,’” Solomon said. “It’s passive-aggressive because you’re not addressing your partner’s concern and you’re generalising.”

It’s also a form of what Earnshaw called “chronic victim-playing”.

Instead of engaging with the specific issue – or taking a second to acknowledge that you’re feeling criticised and having a response to that – you turn the moment into a referendum on your worth.

It shuts down the conversation your partner was trying to have and takes it to a much more global and less productive place.

Couples therapist Zach Brittle described “should” as a common tell that there’s some passive aggression at play: “I shouldn’t have to ask” and “you should know” are both common culprits.

Ideally, Brittle said, the speaker would communicate “from a place of desire (rather than demand).” This might look like reframing “you should” statements as “I would really like…”

Earnshaw also gave the example of a partner who’s feeling neglected and snaps at their significant other, saying, “If you cared, you’d know.” Instead, that partner might try saying, “I’m feeling lonely, and I’d love it if we could plan a date night soon.”

This is another comment that can be defended as a joke if it lands badly – but the person on the receiving end will find it almost impossible not to respond to the cutting tone underneath.

As with the “must be nice” genre of comments, this kind of comment can communicate “superiority, disgust, disrespect, ridicule or disdain,” Rullo said. “Instead of ‘I’m upset with you,’ the message becomes ‘I’m above you’ and ‘there is something fundamentally wrong with you.’”

That kind of atmosphere – where one or both partners “consistently feel looked down on, mocked or dismissed” – can be hard to repair.

This kind of comment can take a few forms: “My sister’s husband gives the kids a bath every night” or “Dave’s wife never asks him to help with the laundry.” Instead of directly communicating something you wish your partner would do, you use comparison to express your unhappiness.

The subtext, as Solomon explained, is always the same: “Why can’t you?” Your partner is put in the position of either asking you directly why you’re bringing that up, or – more likely – reacting defensively to the way you’ve just put them down.

Again, the subtext is the issue here. Solomon said that this is an example of “describing yourself in a particular way that’s positive, and the subtext is you’re describing your partner in a negative way.” In other words, “I’m the kind of person who likes to focus on what other people need – unlike you.”

The more honest version, she said, would sound something like, “I’m feeling troubled by the fact that I feel like there’s an imbalance here,” or, “Sometimes I don’t understand the choices that you make, because they’re so different than the choices that I make.”

This comment, when intended passive-aggressively, is often accompanied with a “heavy tone or eye roll,” per Earnshaw. Like “I’m fine,” it’s a form of stonewalling, what Earnshaw described as “withdrawing emotionally while making it obvious something is wrong.”

If you’re feeling the urge to say something like “whatever you want” about a suggestion you’re clearly not happy about, Earnshaw recommended two things: first, taking whatever time you need to cool down and communicate more clearly; and second, being honest that you aren’t satisfied with the current plan. You might try saying something like, “I’m not excited about that option. Let’s keep looking for a solution that works for both of us.”

Because these kinds of comments don’t directly address an emotion or unmet need, they can provide a cover for the speaker: If the comment is received badly, they can pretend they were just joking or accuse the other person of reading too much into it. But this kind of retreat doesn’t negate the harm that these comments can cause.

“Passive-aggressive comments aren’t like yelling and screaming and name-calling,” Solomon said. “But they chip away at connection, they erode connection, and they erode intimacy. It is a big deal.”

There’s harm in both the passivity – the listener is left confused about what’s actually being communicated – and the aggression, which leaves the listener feeling defensive.

Earnshaw described passive aggression as “corrosive” over time: “the giver feels chronically unheard; the receiver feels constantly criticized but can’t respond cleanly.”

When that becomes a pattern, that’s where communication really starts to break down.

These kinds of comments can also be used as a defensive strategy in equally harmful ways – if one partner feels attacked, they might say something like “I guess I’m just a bad person” or “I guess I can’t do anything right” as a way to deflect criticism or otherwise derail the conversation. The effect is the same: The listener is left confused, defensive and ill-equipped to respond, since the real emotion driving the comment is never named.

At the core of the problem is how passive-aggressive comments can reframe the way couples tackle challenges.

“Whenever there’s conflict with our partner, there’s always an opportunity to put the problem in front, to move into a side-by-side stance and look together with our partner at the problem,” Solomon said. “Passive-aggressive comments reflect and reinforce this idea that it’s me versus you instead of you and me against the problem.”

All the experts polled here shared similar advice on how to communicate rather than resorting to passive aggression: Take the time to figure out what’s really going on with you, then do your best to communicate that directly, using “I feel” and “I need” statements as much as possible.

For both the person making passive-aggressive comments and the person on the receiving end, suggesting you pause the conversation until you can communicate more clearly and gently calling out the behaviour that you’re seeing can be good ways to set the conversation back on track.

For the person engaging in passive aggression, that might mean saying something like, “I notice that I tend to move into passive-aggressive behaviour when I feel overwhelmed. I’m really trying to change that behaviour.”

For the listener, that might mean saying something like, “When you say ‘whatever,’ I feel shut out. Can we talk about what’s actually going on?” In both scenarios, it acknowledges the aggression that was previously masked, and it tells your partner that you’re committed to communicating more directly.

If you’re recognising these passive-aggressive comments from your own relationship, don’t be too hard on yourself – and don’t take it as a sign that all is lost.

“[Passive aggression] is not like a personality trait,” Solomon clarified. “The vast majority of us grew up not seeing conflict handled well, and so we come into our intimate partnerships with legitimate skill deficits. The good news is that this is all something that can be learned.”

Ultra-processed foods, or UPFs, have been linked to everything from gut disruption to “hedonistic hunger”. The Royal College of Physicians has even expressed concern about some UPF ingredients’ possible links to cancer.

But not all experts agree on why they might be detrimental to our health.

Some, like Chris Van Tulleken, author of Ultra-Processed People, seem to argue that the ultra-processing itself causes harm. Others, like psychologist Professor Eric Robinson, said this hasn’t been proven. Then there are those who think issues, when they arise, are probably largely due to UPFs’ nutritional content.

A new review of studies published in the journal Science, which asked whether the adverse effects of UPFs are caused by ultra-processing or nutritional properties, may have an answer.

The Food Safety Authority pointed out that there isn’t a single definition for UPFs.

The Royal College of Physicians describes them as being “characterised by their long list of ingredients that are not typically found in freshly prepared homemade food,” including additives and colourings.

But the definition most experts reach for is set by the NOVA system.

This describes UPFs as foods which contain “formulations of ingredients, mostly of exclusive industrial use, typically created by a series of industrial techniques and processes”.

Researchers looked at five randomised controlled trials that linked UPFs to obesity. These were conducted in different countries, including the USA, UK, Denmark and Japan.

After reviewing those studies, co-author Professor Eric Robinson (you might remember his earlier comments on UPF risks, mentioned above), said: “Collectively, available randomised controlled trials provide weak support for an ultraprocessing-specific effect of UPFs on body weight regulation and cardiometabolic function that is independent of established nutritional determinants”.

In other words, this review didn’t find enough evidence from the trials they looked at to suggest processing itself made UPFs a risk factor for weight gain or heart issues.

It tracks with what the British Nutrition Foundation (BNF) previously said, that UPF studies are “largely based on observational studies that, by design, cannot demonstrate cause and effect”.

There’s a lot more evidence, though, that the typical nutritional profile of many UPFs could be an issue, the Science paper suggested.

The research found that lots of UPFs had four possibly problematic nutritional qualities:

• A soft texture, which might make people eat UPFs faster,
• High calorie density,
• High levels of saturated fat and salt,
• Low fibre and low protein content.

Dr Suzanne Wylie, GP and medical adviser for IQdoctor, previously told HuffPost UK that some UPFs, like tinned beans, can be good for us.

In this study, researchers suggested that nutritional guidelines should focus less on whether foods are technically UPFs and more on whether they’re nutritionally poor, calorie-dense, and easy to eat quickly.

The BNF has previously warned against steering people away from UPFs based on the controversially “broad” NOVA classification system alone.

Steven Spielberg has made a dramatic return to the sci-fi genre with his new movie Disclosure Day, a star-studded blockbuster about aliens, religion and government secrets.

The film follows a meteorologist and a cybersecurity expert who find themselves in the middle of a government conspiracy to expose the cover-up of extraterrestrial secrets.

Disclosure Day has already been called a “masterfully executed sci-fi thriller” that reminds audiences why Spielberg is one of the best and most celebrated directors of all time.

Its stacked cast has also been lauded with praise, with the film featuring some of Hollywood’s biggest and brightest stars alongside some exciting upcoming talent.

Here is where you’ll have seen Disclosure Day’s stars before…

Disclosure Day is the second blockbuster for Emily Blunt this year, following the success of The Devil Wears Prada 2.

The British actor found international fame playing Miranda Priestly’s assistant Emily in the first Devil Wears Prada film, before embarking on a successful and varied career in Hollywood.

She earned acclaim for her role as Queen Victoria in The Young Victoria, starred alongside Ewan McGregor in Salmon Fishing In The Yemen and appeared in the 2016 adaptation of The Girl On The Train.

No stranger to a blockbuster, Emily also co-starred with Matt Damon in the romantic thriller The Adjustment Bureau, Bruce Willis in time travel action Looper, Tom Cruise in Edge Of Tomorrow and Ryan Gosling in 2024’s The Fall Guy.

She’s also a triple threat, having appeared in numerous big-screen musicals, including 2014’s adaptation of Into The Woods where she played the Baker’s wife and Mary Poppins Returns, in which she took over the role of the magical nanny.

She earned her first Oscar nomination in 2024 for her role as Kitty in Christopher Nolan’s Oppenheimer, before scoring a Golden Globe nomination for her role in the MMA biopic The Smashing Machine opposite Dwayne Johnson.

Emily also worked with her real-life husband, John Krasinski, in the horror film A Quiet Place and its sequels.

Colin Firth is one of the most celebrated British actors of his generation, becoming a household name the moment he stepped out of the water in his white shirt as Mr Darcy in the 1995 BBC adaptation of Jane Austen’s Pride And Prejudice.

This widespread attention led to roles in British classics The English Patient, Shakespeare In Love, and Girl With The Pearl Earring.

He is perhaps most recognisable for his work in numerous romantic comedies, playing Mark Darcy in Bridget Jones’ Diary and its sequels, appearing in Love Actually and starring in Mamma Mia! as one of Sophie’s potential fathers.

In 2010, Colin earned his first Academy Award nomination for playing a grieving man in Tom Ford’s A Single Man, before winning the following year, thanks to his leading performance as King George VI in The King’s Speech.

He followed this win with a varied range of projects including the John le Carré adaptation Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, the Taron Egerton spy flick Kingsman: The Secret Service and the Sam Mendes war epic 1917.

Josh O’Connor is one of Hollywood’s most exciting up-and-coming names, and Disclosure Day promises to propel him to yet another whole new level of global fame.

Early in his career, Josh became known for playing Lawrence Durrell in the ITV drama The Durrells, before landing the role of the future King Charles in seasons three and four of The Crown.

TV fans may remember him from his early work in the Doctor Who episode Cold War, playing Ada’s roommate James in Peaky Blinders and for his eight-episode arc in Father Brown as PC Bobby Grace.

His other film credits include the queer cult love story Gods Own Country, the 2020 Austen adaptation of Emma, and the 2025 period drama The History Of Sound, co-starring Paul Mescal.

Coman Domingo is having a real moment right now.

Disclosure Day is Colman’s latest major project following his work in the Michael Jackson biopic, in which he played the late singer’s father, Tina Fey’s Netflix series The Four Seasons and Sam Levinson’s divisive drama Euphoria.

The Oscar nominee has been working in the industry for years, with his past roles including the villainous Victor Strand in Fear The Walking Dead as villainous Victor Strand and a breakthrough part in Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom, in which he appeared alongside Viola Davis and the late Chadwick Boseman.

In 2024, his career exploded after he became the first American openly gay actor to be nominated for an Oscar, whe hem received a Best Actor nom for playing civil rights activist Bayard Rustin.

A year later, he received another Academy Award nomination for playing John “Divine G” Whitfield in the prison drama Sing Sing.

His other film credits include the film adaptation of the Broadway musical The Color Purple, Ethan Coen’s Drive Away Dolls and Edgar Wright’s remake of The Running Man.

Eve Hewson is probably best known for playing Becka Garvey in the Apple TV+ dramedy Bad Sisters, Lucy Elkins in the medical drama The Knick and Amelia in Nicole Kidman’s Netflix miniseries The Perfect Couple.

She made her feature acting debut in the 2013 Clive Owen film Blood Ties before appearing in Enough Said with the late James Gandolfini and the 2017 remake of Papillon with Charlie Hunnam.

Disclosure Day is not Eve’s first time working with Spielberg, having previously appeared in 2015’s Bridge Of Spies alongside Tom Hanks and Mark Rylance.

In 2018, she played Maid Marian to Taron Egerton’s Robin Hood, and in 2020 had a role in the biopic Tesla, which saw Ethan Hawke play the inventor.

Last year, Eve also had a minor role in the George Clooney-led Jay Kelly.

Oh – and if you’re not familiar with Eve, you’ll definitely know her dad, U2 frontman Bono.

Another celebrity offspring in the Disclosure Day cast is Wyatt Russell, the son of acting icons Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn.

You may recognise Wyatt for playing a younger version of his dad in Apple TV+’s Monarch: Legacy Of Monsters or for playing failed Captain America John Walker in numerous Marvel projects, including The Falcon And The Winter Soldier and Thunderbolts.*

Wyatt’s other film credits include Richard Linklater’s Everybody Wants Some!!, nazi zombie thriller Overlord and Blumhouse horror Night Swim.

Under the nun’s habit in Disclosure Day is Elizabeth Marvel, a prolific character actor best known for her regular role as Nancy Parras in crime procedural The District.

Elizabeth also portrayed Heather in Netflix’s political drama House Of Cards, and the president-elect Elizabeth Keane in Homeland.

Her other notable TV credits include appearing as Defence Attorney Rita Calhoun in Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, the mysterious Major-General in Manifest and the defence attorney’s wife Lo in Jake Gyllenhaal’s Apple TV+ drama Presumed Innocent.

Before being cast in Disclosure Day, Hettienne Park’s biggest role was as crime scene investigator Beverly Katz in the TV show Hannibal.

She has also had notable roles in two recent Netflix projects. She appeared alongside Jude Law in Black Rabbit, where she plays Detective Ellen Seung and alongside Claire Danes as Agent Erika Breton in The Beast In Me.

In 2025, she landed her biggest film role to date when she played the attorney who conducts the jury pool interview in Sorry, Baby.

Theatre fans may well be with Tony nominee Gabby Beans’ work already.

After making her Broadway debut in The Skin Of Our Teeth, she landed the dual role of Mercutio and Friar in the 2024 musical production of Romeo + Juliet, in which she shared the stage with Rachel Zegler and Kit Connor.

On TV, her biggest role to date came when she starred in Presumed Innocent as a young defence attorney, Mya.

Her only other notable film role, so far, is playing Spider in Honey Don’t, alongside Margaret Qualley, Aubrey Plaza and Chris Evans.

Jeremy Shamos is a Tony-nominated actor who is best known to TV fans as Dickie Glenroy in Only Murders In The Building.

He also appeared in Better Call Saul as the treasurer for Bernalillo County Craig, as Norwegian exec Johanes Karlsen in Nurse Jackie and Mr Gilbert in period drama The Gilded Age.

His other film roles include Best Picture winner Birdman, Hugh Jackman’s political thriller Bad Education and Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom, in which he appeared with fellow Disclosure Day star Colman Domingo.

Elliot is most recognisable for his role as the violent drug dealer Fernando Vera in the Ramli Malek led Mr. Robot.

He also appeared in five episodes of Succession as politician Daniel Jiménez, with his other TV credits including The Affair, crime comedy Sneaky Pete and Law & Order: Organized Crime.

As for his movie work, his biggest big-screen credit is playing a driver in the film The Internet.

You might know Michael Gaston for the many authority figures he has played on TV over the years.

Some of his most notable roles include playing Gray Anderson in Jericho, advertising exec Burt Peterson in Mad Men, CBI director Gale Bertram in The Mentalist and Deputy Director of the CIA in Tom Carter in Blindspot.

The character actor has more than 100 credits in films and TV to his name, including projects as varied as the satirical George W Bush biopic W, the Mark Wahlberg action comedy Spenser Confidential and another major Spielberg production, Bridge Of Spies.

You might have recently also see Michael playing Chief Of Police Phil Gallo in Daredevil: Born Again, who meets a deadly end at the hands of Kingpin in that dramatic season one finale.

Disclosure Day is in cinemas now.